Chapter 17 - Line of Best Fit
I caught the speeding train in the corner of my vision and jolted my entire body to face the scene. Frame by frame the train continued to lose its closeness and approach the Night Light main station. Fresh water splashed my pupils that knew not how to blink as a stillness overtook my body. I began to sink as I saw the moment set ablaze. At first it was only the crash of the speeding bullet into a stationary building of concrete and glass, but within the addition of unwelcome seconds, a mass flame encased all that existed. The fire proved a precursor to the fireworks to come as a heavy dark mist engulfed the surrounding area. Clearly Carmine’s deepest desire had been fulfilled, the consumption of a stockpile of viles into the innocent air.
The mist lost density as it reached out to invite me towards center. I ignored the chorus of voices left unattended in my mind, they sung in unison to renounce my next actions. I moved my body from what felt like years of sediment and swam towards the embankment that held up the railway. I would find her, dead or alive, and tell her how sorry I was.
My feet fell flat on the railway and produced an all out sprint towards the wreckage. As I approached I was met with the sounds of insanity. The collection of various voices babbling incoherently, a possible side effect of the deathly mist that had consumed them moments ago. As I became closer to ground zero, I noticed Night Light security staff, waving their loaded guns in the air, blank faced and knowing not what had just happened to them. A tingle of danger tapped my shoulder but was easily ignored. I had to get close to the still fire ridden train cars to even make out my location.
An eerie feeling landed that this thick mist was infecting me, seeping deep into my subconscious. Not to the delirious state of the victims I noticed around me, but something new still. I would need to try hard and not let my thoughts slip into insanity as I marched further into the disease.
As if a cherry on top, the repurposed light house had been reduced to mere rubble, the train shooting off of its course into the icon and removing its existence from the map of Forest City.
I scanned for the rear cars that had just contained my beautiful moment. Upon the knowledge that i found such a treasure, I glanced with every ounce of strength into my surroundings. My eyes trailed the scene, yet they were suddenly flooded with a terror I had yet to understand.
She lay there motionless, roughed up like a fight she had lost, not moving with my instantaneous scream of her name. The speed at which I ran to her faded aura ran laps around my audition running here. The flood plaguing my eyes lost to an all out storm of precipitation. I placed my now foreign arm around her shoulders and brought her lifeless body closer to me. I had killed her somehow. Maybe a day far from this moment, my adolescence indecision becoming a bad dream that she became lost in. I spoke to her as if still on the train.
ATMOS: Don't die on me. Please.
I did not know loud my impulses were in the acceptance of such truth. Blurry eyes searched around for antidote to the moment, thoughts slipping into a dark abyss. I should let the madness win, inhale the dirty air around me and lose to this moment.
I spotted a fallen security guard to my right and dashed over to his memorial. I noticed the still holstered 9mm in his waist and kept an empty mind as I reached for it. I took one final look over to my dead bride and thought of the promise she screamed for years ago. Even up to the end, I wasn’t able to truly save her.
The trembling of my hand was lost in the sea of impulse to join Carmine in her sleep eternal. As the firearm raised slowly in altitude, its needle pointed tip met my temple. Free falling tears abandoned hope as my teeth tightened. The lock of understanding for my prior actions stepped out upon a spotlight. My muscles resisted this rotten desire, placing attention on the hesitation of my index finger. I cried aloud at the straining motion, matching the wreckage all around me. Refocusing, my breathing became quick as my finger fought through the waves of sweat devouring my body. The cold trigger danced around my finger print as the last reserve of strength placed pressure on the executioner. I wept for my life and the seconds left, decreasing the fulcrum my finger formed. A whisper met my ear, ringing aloud like a morning bell after a dark night.
STRANGER: Oh darling, what has become of you? Be a dear and put down that toy.”
My soaked eyes opened to reveal my painstaking illusion, my never ending Carmine.
ATMOS: Get out of my mind! She’s dead and I let her die.
CARMINE: Of course she’s dead, but you are still very much alive my sweet.
ATMOS: Stop distracting me! I don’t want to be. I just want all of this to end.
CARMINE: An exit should do the trick then. Please enough with the dramatics Atmos.
ATMOS: Carmine, can’t you see it’s over.
CARMINE: Pitty, I can’t. In fact your life has just begun dear Atmos. You should be thankful she’s just a ghost now. Ghosts are far more manageable than ex lovers.
ATMOS: You’re not helping! You’re not real!
I returned the shining piece of metal back to my skull.
CARMINE: Dearheart. I’m sorry about this mess of yours. But please listen. This choice, towering in front of you, is not your way out. It is nothing more than an illusion, one far more deceiving than yours truly. Just because you fell in love with a setting sun doesn’t mean that the darkness of night should be eternal. Darling, take my hand. Follow me to the horizon, just maybe we can watch the sun rise once more.
The weight of the gun felt too heavy to hold, it lowered to the floor as my glazed eyes focused on the fragment of my mind still craving life. I hadn’t noticed her bare state, absent of any clothes she stood naked in front of me.
ATMOS: What have you done to me..Carmine….I….I don’t know what to do anymore. Why should I listen to you. .
She smirked.
CARMINE: You shouldn’t love. I’m not real. But maybe that doesn’t matter, maybe I’m simply your escape from this hell.
ATMOS: I’m just so tired, I’ve wanted for so long an end.
Her hand unwound my fingertips that held the weapon and grabbed my palm tightly.
CARMINE: Up you go.
She winked after her delivery.
CARMINE: You’ll have to carry her. Carry her my love so that you can bury her.
I felt the flood of my eyes as I turned to face the lifeless Carmine on the scorched ground. I no longer had thought, I simply did as this illusion of mine said. With fragile arms I collected my ending, clinging her lifeless body to mine and followed Carmine to this described escape.
I held Carmine in my arms for the journey through madness to the dock at the train station. A slight rain began to enter the frame, causing subtle reflections off of every stationary object. A single untouched canoe sat awaiting our pilgrimage into what stood next.
My legs trembled stepping into the foreign vessel as I balanced the weight of death in both arms. Carmine found use in these fragile seconds, removing matches held in a small tin at the base of the lantern affixed to the boat and striking into existence slow dances of new born flames. The glow painted the interior of our fresh casket with haunting shadows. I set Carmine down at the stern of the canoe, closest to the raised lantern. I knew the amber lighting wouldn’t reinvigorate her skin, but I had to try. Her eyes no longer glowed, their power given back to the gods that had created her. I sat motionless in the purgatory until Carmine snapped her fingers for my attention. I gave little notice to the chorus of noise around me as all that had been sucked into this moment carefully crafted, now rambled with absurdities, beyond delirious from the moth mist in the air.
CARMINE: Shall we embark on a funeral?
Eyes still ablaze and fixed on the deceased, I grabbed each ore hoping for reprise from this moment. Darkness still surrounded the landscape, yet a sliver of light peaked above the horizon. I cared little for a change in the hue upon us, Somehow instead my wonder grew towards my beautiful illusion.
CARMINE: Focus Atmos, a eulogy would do nicely.
ATMOS: I don’t know exactly what to say. In the end, she became a stranger. All I can speak to are the things I wished she had been.
CARMINE: Perhaps start there. Whisper into the dark morning air sweet nothings about your neglected wishes.
ATMOS: I thought if we could remain in love, even after years apart, it would signify something special. It would mean that we had a love like no other.
CARMINE: You say it is time that makes love grand, are you sure about that?
ATMOS: Maybe after she had left I knew that our dream no longer existed, but I wasn’t going to give up. I still believed her and I were destined for the stars.
I smiled with the same ambition responsible for my endurance following Carmine, it had been nice to dream all of these years.
ATMOS: I guess that is why you exist Carmine. You were the bridge extending miles to the place I couldn’t reach. The utopia where her and I would be together again.
The waterworks came, my thoughts forced to watch the memory lost of the last true time I had seen her. When she asked for my hand in the afterlife, escaping to the underworld together.
ATMOS: But I’ve made a mess of things, death proved me wrong.
CARMINE: Well, lucky for you, we still have a mess to make ourselves.
She winked with an eerie reflection of the seduction I had just witnessed on the train.
ATMOS: Won’t you disappear now that the person you’re supposed to be is buried and gone?
CARMINE: She doesn’t look buried to me. Don’t be mistaken Atmos, I’m a part of your life now.
Her smirk illuminated in the darkness. With it, she stood up and reached under our seat, pulling out a blue and white embroidered blanket. Slowly she draped the ghostly cover over dear Carmine. Her nude body sat down inches from me as her gentle hand landed on my leg.
CARMINE: Love is elusive darling, at times it may feel like the only thing one needs.
ATMOS: I don’t want anything more, honest. All I really need is to feel the warmth of another.
CARMINE: Have you not learned anything this morning my dear? This act of devotion you’re used to, tying your happiness to an offering from another. Look around you Atmos, I don’t think it is another funeral that you’re looking to attend.
ATMOS: And just what am I supposed to want instead?
CARMINE: Balance darling, you and I and you and her. Two matches in a matchbox.
She struck another match from the small tin used to illuminate the canoe moments ago. Allowing the flame to slowly burn just above her fingers, her eyes waved gently towards me as she flicked the consumed twig into the misty water beyond.
CARMINE: Carelessly you’ve slipped, fallen far into the depths of a thick ash. Yet you remain blind to its texture. Love is only half of the ladder out. You’ll need to open your eyes to the debris around you, begin to fear what has brought comfort these last few years.
ATMOS: I don’t understand, what would I have to be afraid of?
CARMINE: Me of course. Don't let this death get in the way of the truth. Carmine became your addiction, I saw to that. It will take more than forgetting her face for you to move on, you'll have to run from me as well. I'll be hunting for you Atmos, today has earned you a head start, don't waste it.
She gave a mesmerizing smile that came with the introduction of guilt, knowing that she was more powerful than the one in her image. The wind picking up on our voyage had partially removed the blanket concealing Carmine, exposing her face. I looked at the excess make up she had used to be presentable for her last performance and could now see the cracked skin underneath. She had changed from youth, as so many do. I felt an avalanche of tears echoing down my face, this voyage would signify our goodbye. Carmine squeezed my leg for attention, looking for the continuation of our verbal spar.
CARMINE: Smile my love, it is a gift to be haunted. This new exhaustion will form you into the one Leigh dreams of. I suppose we are all looking for a villain in our lives; I stand here now as a dazzling reminder. For you to fear a life so easily lived. You have found warmth Atmos, be a doll and thaw yourself out.
ATMOS: That doesn’t seem fair. I don’t believe that if I wanted to see you again, everything that’s being built in front of me would collapse.
CARMINE: Just don’t make it up to you anymore. Release control to the winds of potential.
The sun on the horizon cast the soft strip of red light across us. Carmine’s hair began to hold a red tint, somehow transitioning into a permanent alteration. The faint light created the illusion that each individual hair strand had been freshly dipped in kerosene, dancing side to side in the hopes to suppress any acquired sparks. Withering slowly as they left the padded mass of long red hair kept untamed and inviting to catch such a fire. My understanding of our word play was interrupted by the change.
ATMOS: Your hair is on fire Carmine.
CARMINE: Are you fond of it too? I wanted to go back to the beginning for you, now that I’m the one left.
The new hue of hair color stabilized into the ordinary, striking a response from its keeper.
CARMINE: Have you decided what is next dear Atmos? This canoe holds all the traits one might need to move on.
My eyes locked in trance with Carmine’s pupils, slightly oscillating with the movement of the solace waves around us. The sound of an engine could be heard in the distance. The kind of sound that all would know meant the working of a ship long lost. A gust of calmness blew over me, drying out the aqueducts that contained the constant spill of sadness. I looked at each version of the aged love that stood before me, a collision of the two worlds. I noticed Carmine was standing, her perfect body illuminating in the early morning light.
ATMOS: What would it feel like? to erase everything she and I had?
CARMINE: Liberating Darling. The bird in its cage is safe from fear, yet the one that flies dangerously in the sky remains free. You’ll never truly forget her, but do take back the corner of your heart held in her cold fingers. How about we wipe the slate clean, start fresh with introductions. Make this moment be the first time we’ve met in a while.
ATMOS: Introductions, start at the beginning again. That sounds quite nice, Carmine. Alright then, I’m Atmos, nice to meet you.
CARMINE: Short and sweet, you’re off to a great start. As for me dearheart, I’m Evelyn and I have been the Seeress after your heart.
ATMOS: Why would you say that? You’re not Evelyn, you're just in my head.
EVELYN: Oh but I’m so much more Atmos. I must say I have had such fun with you these last few years, shall we try for a pile more?
A deceit clung to her words, floating atop the mist around us.
EVELYN: There is truth in what people say about the forest holding such beautiful ghosts. Often rare, some are chosen to live on. I don’t believe that Carmine was as fortunate, a mere passenger in your life’s story. My resemblance may be the only part of her that will live on, yet Atmos I am the only one who knighted you as Dearheart.
Her words found weight, the irrelevant moniker ushering truth into what she was saying. A term of endearment only spoken a handful of times from youth when she expressed her feelings.
EVELYN: Don’t forget what you’ve cost.
She knelt in towards me at a whisper's distance.
EVELYN: Time to run Atmos.
Her left eye blinked as she approached the edge of the vessel and dove into the depths of the Deep Pines below that held our two realities in tact. I watched as cascading ripples caressed the side of the boat in her wake. They were soon met with a battle of turbulence as the roaring engine appeared.
I knew not of what just transpired, the deep thought required to solve such a riddle vanishing with a reunion about to take place. A madness would ensue if I began to pull back the curtain to understand what was a hallucination, and what was possibly a ghost
The noise in the distance grew in intensity as I turned to see the full cast of the Sunshine Dreamers, Leigh commanding from center. Her exploding smile found the unattended dry brush inside of us both and erupted the moment into flames.
I walked over to Carmine’s corpse for one final moment. Most of her body had become exposed from the racing wind around us. I took care in grabbing her left hand, bringing my lips towards her skin and tallying a second long awaited kiss. I rearranged the blanket covering her body, letting her drift away in peace.
ATMOS: This is goodbye.
I turned to face Leigh, feet from my canoe, anxious to embrace my tour away from her. It felt as if an entire world had begun and ended since I had crossed paths with Leigh. Heart soaked paths that had spun in a continuous orbit around us, until colliding in unison at our center. I felt changed from the soul that departed these aged docks hours prior. Still lost in emotion, I felt the shedding of a rotted system of skin with the death of dear Carmine. Although I would miss her, I craved the long awaited next chapter. Leigh would need to save me from any sneaking hands, eager to pop out of the ground to pull me back under.
Her petite arm reached out as the boat glided towards my position. Slightly soaked from the rain that had been recently introduced, her fingers dripped with potential cast in gold by the sunlight accompanying the rain.
LEIGH: I can't express how happy I am to see your face, hop aboard!
ATMOS: I’m ready Leigh. I’m ready to leave.
At an arm’s reach Leigh drew me in for short intimacy, allowing added seconds for our bodies to be held tight together. She kissed my cheek and motioned for Cameron, the one clearly responsible for my search party, to board. He immediately patted my back in an eager chant.
CAMERON: I am so glad to see you chief, you had me at a coin toss.
His sentiment in the moment mirrored.
ATMOS: You too buddy, somehow it has been too long.
CAMERON: how's the synthetic in your system?
ATMOS: Better, the last few minutes have acted like a cold shower.
Cameron proceeded to enter the canoe, walking slowly towards the ruins of the woman recently acquainted. His arms mimicking shovels, lowering to the quiet blanket placed on her.
ATMOS: Please leave her there. She would want to spend the end floating along the place she fought to preserve.
Leigh slipped out.
LEIGH: Is that her? Is that your Carmine?
ATMOS: Mine no more.
I understood now the collective contrast proven to exist in life. Obtaining clarity in love’s opposite, the snapshot taken of the rose left decayed to spoil. Strange, a part of me found comfort in the fear Carmine had brought with her absence. Her tortured puppet, clinging on to the wish that the flower could one day be reborn, oblivious to its continuing decay. The feeling of peace that came while driving down a windy road in autumn, with your hand creased out of the window. Smiling at the coldness of your finger tips. She would be buried, covered with shovel upon shovel of a spring time love. Yet every now and then I might wonder about the fleeting shiver of a familiar uncertainty. The feeling of frost that brought curiosity to if someone was standing at my back, awaiting their chance to devour me once more. I would need to frame my gaze on Leigh, the one responsible for my escape. The one unknowingly tasked with keeping me from ever turning around. My eternal love from fear.
I walked past Alastor to the bow of the boat, noticing the instant extension of his hand, welcoming a simple handshake.
ALASTOR: Job well done Atmos. Your training has proven complete. Take time to mourn, it is most proper, but when you are complete in waving goodbye to the past, I do ask you come to me at once. At such time you’ll be ready for your next mission, if you so choose.
ATMOS: Are we in the business of espionage now? Hiding in the shadows under the orders of others.
Leigh walked over to us during our short volley of conversation.
LEIGH: Spy games, is that what is next for the Sunshine Dreamers?
I smiled at her outlook. The ghostly canoe holding the final chapter of a rotted season began to lose visibility as we sailed off. I believed now that there was a dark side to life, unknown at first, it is invisible after years of dust collecting on your shoulders from time inside. Although I find myself fortunate to have gotten out, I could see myself reminiscing at times of slipping back into it. Joining the death the day had brought to the story I had held on for so long. Yet there Leigh stood with her untainted innocence, the sincerity that is stolen from us all after adolescence. She was always a part of this story, her arrival had become the suncast exit out of an endless maze. A subtle warmth that if left unattended would burn the world ablaze.
notes: scene ends with their boat vanishing into the thick mist beyond, have the low light provide a backdrop on the vessel.
T H E E N D
Following the waves that scattered away from our wake, I turned to face Alastor, taking note of his slight excitement in the matter.
ALASTOR: Atmos, you realize that you are currently the only member of the Sunshine Dreamers without a code name.
ATMOS: The thought crossed my mind. Are you saying that today’s sacrifice has me approved to file an application on the matter?
ALASTOR: When will you learn that I am the comedic relief of the group.
The entire cast collected on the boat spawned confusion, sharing a glance of affirmation with one another.
ATMOS: If you have a suggestion, I’m open for ideas.
ALASTOR: I do not have a suggestion Atmos, but instead a permanence. From whatever outing is to come for us, you will be referred to as…..
Seconds trailed with his pause, purposefully placed for emphasis.
LEIGH: There he goes again, Mr. Comedian.
ALASTOR: Hush please Bon Bon. You will be known as Konstantine.
KONSTANTINE: You know what Alastor, I would say that fits like a glove.