Chapter 4 - Cartographer’s Log
Caroline caught my attention only twice during my return to Forest City. My perception placed on hold while daydreaming rose to the top. Lee, a refreshing thought for the last few days of summer. It wasn’t that I had given up on the idea that two halves could make a whole, I just hadn’t accepted that those feelings could be repeated. I now hoped to have been wrong. My watch tracked almost an hour of seafaring, at this point in time I knew where I was. My newly acquired jewelry hung around my neck, further promoting clarity in my thoughts. The dock of Sev’s Starling appeared in view. The storm must have passed through this area last night, half submerged planks littered the welcoming party.
Caroline saddled the mess as my eyes landed on the bar. Every window was smashed in, graffiti tags were displayed along the building’s exterior, and a doorless entry summoned fear deep within myself. How could a storm do all of this? I asked myself. Heavy vegetation cluttered the entire building, aged in years of sunlight. None of this made sense, I must find Sev.
Barging through the front opening proved an intensified version of what was outside. Flipped over tables, trash, and an endless sea of vines littered the floor. I noticed a shiny half empty bottle of gin towards the end of the bar and approached with caution. Two glasses lay next to the bottle, one empty, one full. I peered around the bar for any other clues and noticed a stack of blank envelopes with pen and paper tossed alongside it.
A few cruppled pieces lay on the floor nearby. Choosing one at random, I uncrumpled the letter and froze in place. It was the letter Carmine wrote me, but with words crossed out, new ones written above them. It was a draft for the one I held dear. A letter in my hand writing, the style with which I always took as a sign was very similar to Carmine’s. I wanted to leave this place immediately, and proceeded to perform one last scan around the wreckage. The back wall of the bar had the words “Your Her, You’re Her” spray painted over multiple sessions, with a polaroid of a moth sitting ejected out of a camera directly next to the register. I walked around to gain a better perspective when I noticed a make shift shrine on the floor, previously concealed from view. I noticed Sev’s leather jacket thrown in the middle of the pile, along with little trinkets I remember from our friendship. Panic shot through me like an arrow. What the hell was going on. My mind ignored precaution and raced to find any answer for my new surroundings.
The necklace.
This has to be the answer. I ripped the chain clear off of my neck and threw the metal against the wall. It shattered into pieces and disappeared behind a sea of green ivy. I was still frozen in the shock of some newly gained reality and heard a rustle outside. I lowered my body and hid behind the bar. I am uncertain of what is around me, but if this pile of a forgotten soul is truly all that remains of Sev, I hope I have let him rest in peace.
The gentle clanking of heels landed on the floor to the entrance when a familiar voice found flight.
CARMINE: Darling, are you going to wallow or are you going to make me a drink?
Sadness accompanied Carmine’s words, I knew now that none of this was real. I thought I had such a tolerance with the Deep Pines, but I was merely a kite lost in its current. Suddenly the highlight of the morning felt drowned in the clarity of life.
CARMINE: Excuse me, but I don’t recall ever asking to wait.
I had to imagine that if I closed my eyes she would dissolve, with the decision made my vision went dark.
CARMINE: Poor Atmos, sad and sleepy. What ever am I going to do with you?
Her footsteps grew closer, I could hear her heels entering the small space behind the bar. The cubby where Sev and I played pretend.
CARMINE: Dearheart, doubting me again?
My eyes shot open, taking in her petite figure, standing feet from where I sat. Absent of black attire, a linen white cardigan clung to her olive tanktop, overlapping slightly over a thin brown leather belt looped through dark washed jeans. The outfit complete with the dark long heeled boots common in her appearance.
ATMOS: Why did you call me that, Dearheart.
A smirk slithered into existence.
CARMINE: I’m not in the mood to answer questions my dear. Try again.
Disappointment took the place of my expectations, there was no point in asking her anything.
ATMOS: I need to leave Carmine, please move out of the way.
CARMINE: I know one way you could get me to move.
I hopped over the bar, hesitating mid way to grab the very real satchel of mine that held my camera from underneath the bar stool.
CARMINE: What makes you think you can get away so easily?
I hear the strike of a match as the subtle sound of thin paper burning accompanies the introduction.
ATMOS: I’m saying farewell to playing the fool Carmine. Enjoy your smoke.
I looked back as I exited the doorway, her needle pointed eyes tilting, almost convincing me to stay and indulge in myself. It was the perfect time to head back inland. My eyes landed on Caroline, swaying back and forth with the current.
Intuition should have raised its hand and cried for attention, of course Carmine would board the canoe with me. A handful of dialogue would not be enough for her. I tinkered with the conservative knot system I had tied earlier, a side effect of finally losing Caroline out in the wild. Additional time would allow an undiscussed guest to accompany me. Her obedient heels caressed the passenger seat as she stepped aboard.
CARMINE: Shall we set sail once again my love.
I ignored the static and finished the last of the restraints keeping me to this newly uncovered nightmare. My hands grasped each ore as I locked eyes with her. Confusion hid itself in how my attraction bloomed by catching sight of her. She wasn’t real, I told myself, but she was mine. I swallowed some of my sanity and bellowed out, noticing the insects that circled us.
ATMOS: I see you brought your friends tonight, shame you didn’t bring a jacket instead.
CARMINE: I have everything I need, care to try?
ATMOS: Try what exactly?
CARMINE: Having everything, oh Atmos can't you see that your Carmine has disappeared on you, I’m all you have left.
She elongated the crack in her mouth. She always loved when we parlayed? Her body lifted, taking into consideration my rowing pattern, proving elegant in her advances towards me while surrounded in movement.
I knew not how my mind had wandered from the truth that Sev was gone. He was a true friend, the circumstance of when he was a friend no longer haunted me. The emotional toll of what I had just found out was trailing behind my escape from these ruins.
CARMINE: Stay with me. You’re not drifting off about your dead friend are you?
ATMOS: I didn’t know that he died, perhaps a case of repressed news. I’m having a hard time understanding what was him and what was me.
CARMINE: Why does it matter so?
ATMOS: You. This, I can accept a slight deviation from sanity because of what happened between us. I lost you out there one day and I. I suppose I kept your image alive, even if you maybe weren’t. I can accept that. But Sev too? If our friendship was simply all in my head, I’m beginning to doubt myself. It’s crippling when I start to think about it.
CARMINE: You have an imagination Atmos. All that you are describing sounds like a helpful thing to have. Maybe you’re looking at it with the wrong lens.
ATMOS: What other lens exists Carmine?
CARMINE: Alright. I’ll settle for this moment.
She moved from sitting two feet in front of me to beside me, placing her arms around my upper torso and guiding me so that my head lay on her lap.
CARMINE: Your lens should be soaked in understanding. What if you are finally understanding yourself for the first time. Shouldn’t we celebrate such an occasion?
She snickered, her skirt was soft upon my neck, dulling the knife edge she usually encompassed.
CARMINE: I’ll forgive your ill preparedness to have a refreshment handy on this stag of yours, I would have wanted to toast the moment.
ATMOS: If none of this is real Carmine, why does it feel so comfortable.
CARMINE: Simple Love, it’ll never be as good as the first time. You can't move past that idea.
I looked up at her with the prompt, her eyes lost their piercing shape and relaxed with a deep breath. I watched her stomach slowly expand and contract, only to glance back at her after. The misdirection of my eyes being interpreted as an invitation to her.
CARMINE: If you’d care to watch me undress, I could allow an audience.
ATMOS: Why can’t we just stay like this, as we are.
CARMINE: No matter the moment, I’m not the lasting type darling.
She began to shift her body, bringing her head down to mine and regaining her aggressive behavior. Her nails broke the skin of my arm as they marked their territory, I stammered backwards from the action. She stopped in her tracks and sat up, rolling her eyes as her back aligned perfectly straight.
CARMINE: Scared I’ll etch lines on your skin, always predictable. You know you’re such a fool Atmos. Sev has been dead for far too long to allow you to spoil this moment.
She began to smirk, lowering her body and placing her head on the side of the canoe. She was laying down across the edge of the vessel, staring at me.
CARMINE: Love is but a prison, trapping us both. Will you be able to take good care of me, until the very end?
She began to lean back and in an instant she fell into the water. The act happening slowly, splashing water all over me, relinquishing any logic in the actions I would soon perform.
ATMOS: Carmine!
I stood up on the canoe and jumped in the water towards her direction. I look around the water where we had just fallen and see no one. Panic strikes as I scan for her. I decide to look in the water below and make out a faint shadowy figure ten or so feet below me. I hold my breathe and swim below after it, keeping my eyes open within the water. It's dark but I make out her blonde hair, sinking deeper with the water, faster than I can swim down. I lose track of time and of how far I’ve gotten when my lungs regret not taking more time to prepare for the descend. I swipe my arm out in front of me in an effort to catch the shimmering hair in my view and begin to cough. My reflexes shooting my body back upward to the surface. My head breaks the plane of the water as a giant gulp of air is taken in.
I was out of breathe and still a fool. I remain there in the water for another five minutes, slowly paddling with my legs as my mind places blame. It all happened so fast, logic couldn't keep up. Her seduction a shortcut to losing myself. I pull myself back into the canoe and make my way back to the shore in silence. The sogginess of my clothes appear meaningless in comparison to my emotion. The only gleam of hope in the moment is the still dry camera satchel at my feet, providing solace.
I wrap Caroline’s rope around an algae infested post twice round and make the short walk back to the house. I take off my shoes as well as shirt and socks at the door and enter. Turning on a cluster of lights as I meander my way to the bathroom, dreaming of a hot shower. Time lapses as I dwell on my drowned Carmine, had a part of me sunk instead? The clock sighs as my time in the manufactured rain lasts longer than the hot water heater. My queue to move on with the afternoon.
A secondary thought grows wings and becomes an obsession in the moment. Why did I think Sev’s was outside of the Deep Pines boundary, and when did he actually die? My earliest memory of Sev’s Starling is walking in one day, talking with him about his decision to open, and enjoying one too many drinks that night. An illusion I must have craft myself, but what happened to him?
Cameron had been my neighbor for almost seven years now, I’m sure he could pinpoint the cluster of questions that surrounded my thoughts. I headed over to his door and proceeded to knock.
Three more attempts were made with no luck. Did they still have him working? I knew little about what Cameron actually did, the two of us were quite close but topics of conversation were off limits. I begin to walk back to the house when I pause.
Sev’s death would still remain a mystery but Cameron would have to have a current set of maps for the area. I knew it almost as a certain truth. Years ago, we both shared with each other where our spare key was kept. Even if Cameron came home right at the moment that I was going through his drawers, I could easily explain why, and he would understand. He somehow has always understood.
I walk around the back of his house and reach under the second stair thread leading to his deck. A shot glass in the shape of a shotgun shell with a bronze key taped on the inside lay hidden. My steps become retraced, followed by the insertion of the newly found object into the door key hole.
A stale air hits me upon entry, I doesn't appear that he has been home anytime lately. I flip the foyer, living room, and kitchen lights on and try to be quick in my endeavors. Where would you keep your maps?
Each year the city came out with an updated map of Forest City, with the line of the Deep Pines changing each year based on some unknown findings by the government. I had never bothered with the maps as they came out after the incident and after I had already gotten to know the landscape so well. Why would I need anyone to tell me the boundaries of where I should and should not go, I thought I was doing just fine. I thought at least.
I went through an entertainment cabinet in the living room, noticing Cam’s unmentioned pleasure in reading ________. No luck. My next efforts were the kitchen cabinets, one too many junk drawers found their way into his life. Strike two.
I stood besides myself in the middle of the kitchen pondering where else I could look. He did mention his office in the back, although he never invited me to such a location, what could the harm be?
I walked up the three steps and stared at the closed glass office door that gave off a secret feeling to it. I felt confident that the collected years of friendship afforded me the mindset that Cameron didn’t keep secrets. My hand turned the golden door knob to reveal a perfectly normal office room. I did want to respect the current act of trespassing that I was performing and went quick in my scanning of shelves and crevices for a hint of a map.
Located on the third shelf behind his workstation were a collection of books titled Cartographer’s Logs. Curiosity placed my hand on the first volume and picked the book from off the shelf. The cover was black and absent of any words or images. I opened the mystery up to the first page to read:
“Cartographer: Cameron _____, Codename Tigerman
Log of the surrounding area of Forest City Shoreline, Volume I”
Why would Cameron have a codename? I neglected any internal analysis of what Tigerman could mean and continued to flip the pages for an aerial illustration. It took roughly twenty pages until a full sized map could be seen spread across two pages. On it was the Forest City Shoreline that I knew, but with a red dot marked somewhere off in the Deep Pines. A circle was then drawn around this dot with a hatched pattern that said impacted radius. A sigh hit me as I noticed where Sev’s Starling was and that it was in fact inside of the circle.
My mind wandered in the moment, a barrage of questions flew through the sky above me. I couldn't focus on any one in particular, but took note of where the center of the circle appeared. It was labeled “The Misted Mile”. A mental snapshot taken, and with it I exited Cameron’s office and closed the door behind me. My foots proceeded to lead me back to the front door when alas the wooden slab opened, revealing an alarmed Cameron.
CAMERON: What the hell are you doing buddy?
I halted in my response, but chose to stick to the knowledge that we are still good friends, regardless of my most recent breaking and entering.
ATMOS: I’ll go grab a bottle of gin from my house and tell you all about it, you in? Trust me, it's about the level of good as why I would break into your house.
His eyes were tired you could tell.
CAMERON: Can I at least take a nap first? God I’m exhausted.
I looked down at my watch, the time was 4:00pm.
ATMOS: I’ll go grab the bottle and meet you back here at 7:00 on the dot. Go get your beauty rest, I have a tale to tell.
CAMERON: Three hours sounds heavenly.
I exited the house and prepared in my head the narrative I would soon tell Cameron, I was eager to get his take on the matter. Maybe all this honesty would bring out some truths from him as well, him and his Tigerman side name.
With three hours to spare I decided to mimic the actions of my well mannered neighbor. I laid my head down on the pillow and instantly drifted off into a slumber.