Domestic Violence FAQs

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is abuse or threats of abuse when the person being abused and the abuser are or have been in an intimate relationship (married or domestic partners, are dating or used to date, live or lived together, or have a child together). It is also when the abused person and the abusive person are closely related by blood or by marriage.

The domestic violence laws say “abuse” is:

  • Physically hurting or trying to hurt someone, intentionally or recklessly;

  • Sexual assault;

  • Making someone reasonably afraid that they or someone else are about to be seriously hurt (like threats or promises to harm someone); OR

  • Behavior like harassing, stalking, threatening, or hitting someone; disturbing someone’s peace; or destroying someone’s personal property.

The physical abuse is not just hitting. Abuse can be kicking, shoving, pushing, pulling hair, throwing things, scaring or following you, or keeping you from freely coming and going. It can even include physical abuse of the family pets.

Also, keep in mind that the abuse in domestic violence does not have to be physical. Abuse can be verbal (spoken), emotional, or psychological. You do not have to be physically hit to be abused. Often, abuse takes many forms, and abusers use a combination of tactics to control and have power over the person being abused. Read more about domestic violence and abuse.

If you are being abused in any of these ways or you feel afraid or controlled by your partner or someone you are close with, it may help you to talk to a domestic violence counselor, even if you do not want (or are not sure if you want) to ask for legal protection. Find domestic violence resources in Ventura County.

Read about domestic violence laws starting with California Family Code section 6203. You can find criminal domestic violence laws in the California Penal Code, like Penal Code section 273.5, Penal Code section 243(e)(1), and others.

What can I do about annoying or threatening phone calls?

If you become a victim of annoying phone calls, you should report them to the Oxnard Police Department. Your phone company may be able to assist in tracking the origin of the calls if they have a police report number.

If you become a victim of threatening phone calls, report them to the police department immediately. The Oxnard Police Department takes threatening calls seriously, and so should you, especially if you are in a battering relationship or have been a victim of domestic violence.

My partner was arrested for domestic violence and told me to bail him/her out or else I would "get it." What should I do?

This is a threat. Report this to the police, or District Attorney’s Office as soon as possible. A protective order for you can be requested in court and bail can be raised because of the threat. Depending on the specific nature of the threat, additional charges may be filed against the defendant.

Do we both need to attend court-ordered counseling and marriage counseling?

Violence is not a problem for both persons in a relationship, it is the problem of the batterer alone. When the batterer has completed counseling for his/her use of violence on you then it may be safe to try marriage counseling. You will not be required to attend court-ordered counseling with the batterer. If you are required to go with the batterer, call a Victim Advocate. Only counselors trained specifically in domestic violence can help, for this reason, even religious counseling may not be enough.

My partner told me to call the prosecutor and "drop" the case. What should I do?

You cannot "drop" the charges in a criminal case. Unlike a civil case, you are not the party to the lawsuit, but you are an important witness to a crime. If the batterer tells you to drop charges, he/she must understand that you do not have that authority.

If I go to court and testify, can the batterer find out where I’m staying?

No. Specific state laws let the prosecutor conceal your location from the defendant.

He/she tries to be a good parent to the children. Should I put up with domestic abuse to maintain our home for the children’s sake?

No. Children growing up in a home with violence are "walking on egg-shells" too. The violence to you directly affects and harms your children.

Am I safe now that the batterer's attending a batterer’s counseling program?

Possibly not. Even though the batterer’s attending a counseling program, even one ordered by the court, you may not be safe. You should be contacted by the program for reports on his/her behavior and to answer any questions you may have about what he/she may be telling you about the program. If the program has not contacted you, call a Victim Advocate. Even if the batterer attends the program regularly, you may not be safe. No program can guarantee that you will be safe.