Final Product

Final Work:

The first chapter is by far the easiest to notice differences with. Starting out I was just throwing ideas around and seeing what stuck and what didn't. For example starting it with a dream or flashback or at the tail end of a battle of some kind. I decided upon a more normalish setting for the beginning of the book. At first I had it start with the characters walking to the procedure, having it serve as a "then everything changed" type scenerio. As you can see I changed that in my next draft, starting it close to the beginning of their day, having the character recall the events from that point to highlight and hint at the fact that the day as a whole was the start of the change. I also gave them an extra day to react to the information in attempts to display their character better.
You may have also noticed the changes in the characters tone through the different drafts. for example the proto-drafts had Miharu sound a lot less sure of themselves than I thought was fitting. The shift to having the story be what the characters wrote down, and thus what they remember, is another cause for the difference in tone. This in itself was a challenge for me, not only knowing what a character does but how they think and internialize things and how they would write those things down. I had to get rid of the notion of using perfect grammar or some insane level of detail because it had to be within the characters knowledge, personality, and what they remembered and thought "worthy" enough of being written.
For example Miharu writes in a more report orientated fashion, focused more so on what happened than how it felt and other such details. A portion of the details they write in comes as a direct result of his friends encouraging him to. Later on in the chapter his emotion is the cause of the majority of the details he put in, as it was more memorable.

As for the second chapter, much of the same applies. The tone written for that character, Nia, was an adjustment and a half to say the least. Sure, I started with the third character in a smaller draft but I decided their tone and mindset would be best suited for my plans of the third chapter (In which I'm confident the difference in personality of the characters is obvious). Thus I started writing chapter two from Nia's perspective. The first draft I hadn't quite gotten used to the tone I wanted for Nia, and it was a blend of the intended tone and Miharu's. Apart from that, there are the changes in events / plot line. As can be seen I added in more details, a conversation, and the actual 'trip' to where the procedure was.
The second draft of course fits the intended tone far better with the inclusion of the new events and details. There is a wider array of emotions that are noticable to the reader, and how they go about describing the details of what's going on are a great representation of this. And without trying to repeat anything I've already said, I can't say too much more besides the fact the chapter was easier to write due to already having a good starting point figured out.
All this being said I believe I acomplished the origional goal, the improvement of my skills as an author. Spicifically in the field of character developement and to a slightly lesser extent, worldbuilding.