I didn't really plan to attempt suicide. It dosen't happen like that, or at least, it didn't for me. It just sort of snuck up on me. I had what you would probably consider a relatively normal childhood and adolescence. No major tragedies, no addictions, no abuse, and yet I was in a dark place. High school was not my happy place. I wasn't one of the popular kids, in fact I was a bit of a loner. I found out how mean girls can be when I started getting bitchy comments on my Instgram posts. I was being attacked for being overweight, plain and stupid, and it never stopped. I deleted my Instagram account but the comments continued on Facebook and Snapchat.
For a long time I suffered in silence, too embarrassed to tell my family what was going on. I kept up a brave face, and they didn't seem to notice anything wrong, or if they did, they didn't say. I began to stay in more, avoiding going places where the girls would be. I tried to stay off social media, but I needed some connection.
I can't tell you the exact moment when I tipped over into hopelessness. One morning I found myself searching through the medicine cabinet and finding a bottle of my mum's Valium. I don't remember what I was thinking when I took those pills with a can of coke. It was like something broke inside me and all I wanted to do was sleep it all away.
I feel bad that my mum found me, collapsed on my bedroom floor. None of this was her fault. The ambulance came. My stomach was pumped. I survived.
I was initially angry with my mum. She thought she had saved me but she had just sent me back into the wolves den. She didn't understand, but the counsellor at the hospital was fantastic. She told my mum that parents often miss the signs that their child is struggling. That its easy to misinterpret the signs as simply a moody teenager. The counsellor also helped me to see that there were options for me. I was not alone. I could find people to talk to, even if I didn't want to talk to my parents.
Please, if you are reading this story and think you can't go on another day, stop and pick up the phone and talk to someone. It can get better with help. Don't leave it until its too late. You could be like me and not be aware untilit's too late that you are in danger. Get help sooner rather than later. It's worth it. You are worth it!