Disappointment is a difficult emotion for anyone to deal with. The unhappiness occurs when there is a failure of something hoped for or expected to happen. Here's how you can help your child work through the challenges of feeling disappointment so that they can bounce back from such life experiences:

1. Listen and acknowledge, and don’t ask your child to “get over it”

Some statements you can use:

“I can see that you are disappointed about the situation. Tell me more about it?”

“Yes, it is normal to be disappointed from what I’m hearing about the situation.”

“Yes, disappointment hurts. I want you to know that not getting what you want does not make you a lesser person. It does not mean you are a ‘loser’.”

2. Model how you cope with disappointment

Your child could learn more through observing how you manage disappointment and attaching his/her own experience to it. Try sharing your own coping methods.

3. Adjusting black-and-white thinking

The feeling of disappointment increases when there is a “either-or” mindset. Find out what how your child thinks about the event and notice if there is a black-and-white thinking. For example:

“Not being selected as the team’s captain makes me feel like I’m not capable to be a leader at all”

“Failing Math after putting in so much effort makes me feel like that I will never do well in my studies”

“Bad things are always happening to me”

Don’t force positive thoughts such as “I’m sure you will succeed next time” or “look on the bright side of things, stop thinking so negatively”. Instead, you can share with your child that the feeling of disappointment doesn’t last forever and our feelings doesn’t represent our identity- they are a response to the situation at the moment. A reflective question to help your child identify black-and-white thinking would be, "are you relying on logic or emotions when you say that?"

4. Increase the brain chemical responsible for feeling accomplished

When disappointment is encountered, the brain chemical responsible for feeling rewarded decreases and sets the overall mood down. You can help your child to increase the chemical by doing self-care activities or going for his/her favourite food!