Creating Calm

As in your home, teachers strive to achieve a loving classroom environment filled with mutual respect and cooperation. What is that you say? Your home is not always a peaceful haven. Here are some tips to get through the little "battles" that might occur, as suggested by these books: Screamfree Parenting, Raising Your Kids By Keeping Your Cool and Raising A Sensory Smart Child.

The first thing to think about is that parenting is not about kids; it is about parents. The focus should be on your own behavior because that is really all we can control! Keeping your emotions calm during stressful situations allows you to create better relationships and increases your chance of being a positive role model.

Children need to know that they control their own behavior. Set up clear expectations for behavior and consequences. Allow your children to solve their own problems and learn consequences for behavior choices. With playground issues, ask your children what they can do to avoid the problem in the future. Support their solution and ask if it worked. If not, ask what they can try next time. This supports our children's development into self-reliant adults.

If homework issues arise, "battles" can occur. Allowing your children to take responsibility for the neatness and completeness of their own homework increases positive feelings around homework. Homework is supposed to make them struggle a bit, in order to teach them to solve their own problems. To prepare for this task, have downtime scheduled before beginning homework including a high-protein snack to boost brainpower. First graders may need you to read and explain homework directions. Give your children the opportunity to invite you to help them. You could say, "Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you."

Here are some other suggestions to help create a calm environment:

• Ask yourself questions: What motivates my child? What do they really want? What questions can I ask that will help them discover and explore their desires? You might try simple reward systems with clear expectations. Some rewards might be to choose a video to rent, go for a walk with a loved one, choose the dinner menu, choose a new book from the book order forms.
• Give specific praise for attempts and solutions. Although it sounds strange, avoid saying "I'm proud of you." too much. How you respond to your children makes a big difference in their self-concept. Try instead, "How do you feel when you finish your homework?" Then acknowledge their feelings and reinforce how good they feel about themselves. You want the feeling of accomplishment to be an intrinsic reward for doing their homework. They should want to learn and feel good for them, not to make you proud.
• Use a kitchen timer to set aside time in which to complete tasks.

Morning sets the tone for the entire day. Avoid rushing, disorganization, and harsh words at this time of day. Eat a healthy breakfast before school as well. You can create daily picture schedules with your child by taking photographs of your child doing specific activities like brushing his/her teeth, or cut out pictures from old magazines of items that will symbolize tasks (like a toothbrush), or just have your child draw pictures for the activity. This puts the responsibility and control in your child's hand and all you need to ask is "What is next on your schedule?"

Encourage your children to make an attempt at their homework; but if they become frustrated, write a note on the homework and we can address the issue at school. We want parents to keep learning fun.You can have conversations with your children. Take turns making up poems and telling stories to each other. Play games and enjoy each other's company. Let's try to change our focus from "picking our battles", to creating calm and loving relationships.