The Thrilling and Sensational Flock Lifestyle
Flash fiction - by Michael Barron
“Greetings! I’m Tony Flowers, the head of Marketing Enforcement at Sunrise Industries, and I am delighted that you have decided to become a Flock.
“If you’re watching this, that means you’re about to join the five hundred million Americans who have taken an electrifying journey, some hosting as many as seventy consciousnesses in a single body. And every one of them has gone on to lead unimaginably productive lives. So what’re you waiting for? Today is the day you become your own personal community!
“Say goodbye to a lack of human connection. Say goodbye to solitary evenings spent in your pod. Say goodbye to ever being alone again. And say hello to wealth, massive social networking and a healthy sense of civic duty!
“Now, before we go any further, there is something I have to admit. As silly as this might sound there was a time when I actually doubted that the Flock Lifestyle was right for me. It’s true. But then I asked myself, ‘Why don’t I deserve a vibrant social network, the time to do the things I love and multiple paychecks so I can afford safer housing and healthier food?’ All of that, and more, is available through the Flock Lifestyle.
You see, most civilians who aren’t members of a Flock—we call them seclusionists—can only work one job at a time. After they clock out they squander the precious hours before their next shift eating and sleeping, not making a dime.
“But when you join a Flock your hours rapidly multiply. Take me for example. While I record this video, one of my cerebral partners is using just a fraction of the brain we share to participate in a virtual department meeting. Another is training to become a lifestyle officer. And a third is watching the season finale of the hit Sunrise Industries series Baby City. Don’t worry, folks. I’m in full control of the mouth. She won’t give away any spoilers.
“Those of you who aren’t fully caught up on how Flocks work might wonder, ‘Hey Tony! How is this possible?’ It’s more than possible thanks to mental environments. As one consciousness controls the shared physical body, the rest receive electrical signals giving the impression that they are in their own private sanctuary, which can be as cozy as a closet or as expansive as a mansion, depending on which of our easy-to-pay lifestyle packages you choose. While inhabiting your mental environment, you can work remotely, purchase millions of affordable Sunrise Industries products, or relax while enjoying our five thousand streaming services.
“Because my cerebral partners and I are able to work simultaneously, we bring home multiple paychecks! Last year we saved enough money to move out of our pod and into a two-bedroom apartment in one of the safest neighborhoods on the East Coast.
“So I bet right now you’re saying, ‘Sign me up! I want to earn three, five, TEN times as much money!’ While we appreciate your enthusiasm we do need to discuss a few things, which you will find both exciting and entertaining.
“If you are watching this video, you’re planning to serve as the host body, which means you will arrive on campus through the Sky-Blue Entrance. One of our friendly interns will conduct a full medical exam. Those of you who already have a cerebral partner in mind will head to the processing center in the Tulip Building, where your colleague, friend or loved one will be downloaded directly to your brain.
“Before your arrival, ensure the individual you wish to transfer has already visited our state of the art uploading facility in the Sleepy Kitten Building. The upload is one hundred percent painless. During the short time their consciousness is stored in our database, they will experience the sensation that they are enjoying relaxing music and sipping a beverage of their choice.
“Many of our customers, especially those who are related to the transferees, become squeamish when considering the upload process, saying, ‘Oh no! Are they killing little Timmy?’ Allow me to eliminate those concerns. While, yes, your loved one’s physical body will be recycled, their personality, memories and—I truly believe—their soul, will live on.
“In fact there are many benefits for being the transferee rather than the host body. It is only a fraction of the price and you receive a significant tax write-off. It is especially beneficial for those of you who are facing physical dilemmas such as aging, illness or obesity caused by one of our competitors’ instant meals. If you would like to learn more about becoming a transferee, click the link below, otherwise continue to enjoy this video.
“But what about those of you who have not yet chosen a cerebral partner? No worries. After your medical exam you will simply complete our cutting-edge compatibility survey, which will consider age, social background, career path, work habits, and credit history. Be certain to answer all questions honestly, especially the ones regarding your desired social network. Remember, your cerebral partner’s co-workers will become your co-workers. Their sexual partners will become your sexual partners. And their relatives will become your relatives. Which means a whole lot more Thanksgiving leftovers. YUM!
“Now, we’ve been having a lot of fun today, but there are a few points our lawyers insist we cover. And you know how lawyers are. We’d better make them happy. In order to avoid distress, please select which of the following relaxing images you wish to enjoy: Flowers… Puppies… Patriotic Children… Tropical—
“You have selected puppies.
“Sunrise Industries highly encourages you to add only one consciousness at a time. That being said, if you are one of our more adventurous customers, it is your God-given right as an American to add as many as you want.
“Many fanatics claim that Cerebral Partners can somehow ‘hack your memories’ or ‘lock you inside your Mental Environment.’ Our firewalls make this virtually impossible. Any ‘incidents’ that may have occurred are solely due to user error.
“You will find in your welcome packets a list of news outlets you will be prohibited from consuming once you become a Sunrise Industries customer. Limiting such outlets shouldn’t be a problem. If you’re watching this video, you are clearly far too intelligent to consume such propaganda.
“And finally, contact our customer service AI if you experience high fever, stiff muscles, confusion or impaired judgement, as this may become permanent. Other risks include seizures, drastic mood swings, uncontrollable muscle movements and difficulty breathing. In some cases, Flock Hosts experience significant delays while exiting their Mental Environments or contacting the outside world. In rare instances, children under the age of ten may experience split physiological control or cerebral ‘blackouts.’ For a complete list of potential side effects, please visit Sunrise Industry’s website. While there, you will also find a list of our competitors’ products you should avoid after joining a Flock, as cross consumption may lead to loss of motor control, chest pains, high blood pressure, dizziness, coma or death.
“So what are you waiting for? It’s time to break free from your single-conscious mind and change your life forever. Not only will you finally make a livable wage, you will receive a substantial dose of national pride. Remember, every consciousness you download is one less mouth that requires food, one less body that takes up space and one less individual who demands resources. With fewer physical citizens, America will thrive. Don’t hesitate for a moment longer. Let today be the day you join the thrilling and sensational Flock Lifestyle!”