Wired to Connect: An Introduction to Interpersonal Neurobiology
& Why It Matters

This article defines the terms Interpersonal & Neurobiology to better understand how building relationships in the classroom, and in our personal lives, can have a profoundly positive impact not only on learning and job satisfaction, but on all of our social experiences. There’s even a bonus section on mirror neurons followed by takeaways and games to help you practice growing positive relationships.

Interpersonal Neurobiology

Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) is both the well-spring and the continued blossoming of social-emotional learning (SEL) and relationships. It is the study of how the body & brain (central nervous system), the mind (perceptions, thoughts, and cognitive processing), and relationships influence our well-being (our felt sense of ease and joy).

Dr. Dan Siegel is the pioneer of IPNB, and describes it as an interdisciplinary approach to human health combining all branches of science into one perspective. He describes the term interpersonal as what’s occurring both between individual people and within each individual person. Dr. Siegel goes on to explain that “Inter” refers to the “between-ness” of our interactions with others, and “personal” refers to the “within-ness” of our own subjective experience - basically, all the things going on inside us like thoughts, body sensations, and emotions. We can think of the term interpersonal as “between us and within us.”

Neurobiology

Neurobiology is the study of our nervous system and how it functions. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is made up of the brain and spinal cord (Central ANS), and the system of nerves that extend from the Central ANS throughout the entire body (Peripheral ANS). Both stress and relaxation affect our nervous system in different ways causing us to engage in different behaviors.

Neurobiology And Behavior

One way we can talk about neurobiology is by recognizing the body-mind connection, or the way our body’s nervous system can affect brain function and thoughts in our mind, as well as how brain function and our thoughts can affect our nervous system. The body and brain are in constant conversation and can affect our thoughts, emotions, and our experience of life.

In Teaching with Mind and Heart, Graeme George, restorative education consultant, reminds us “we are all aware that thoughts can prompt emotional responses - some thoughts cause us to smile, others to react in fear” (11). For instance, thinking about a difficult task or situation that we are unprepared for can leave our chest feeling tight or our belly feeling squeamish, and we might label this feeling anxiety, nervousness, or distress.

Current research published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information even “suggests that different types of psychological stress can affect the composition of the [bacteria present in the digestive system]...[M]aternal separation...crowding, heat stress, and acoustic [or sound] stress all alter the composition of the [digestive system bacteria]*. In addition, a growing body of data suggests that the [bacteria] may be involved in controlling behaviors relevant to stress-related disorders.” The physical state of our body affects the cognitive state of our mind and our ability to make wise or supportive decisions.

Hungry & Tired

Another way of understanding the connection between neurobiology and behavior is by taking a look at two of our basic human needs, noticing the effect of hunger or fatigue on our nervous system state and our emotional state.

We’ve all experienced minor annoyances by the people with whom we live or work, and on most days we handle these irritations well. There are times, however, when we don’t get enough sleep or we miss a meal, and we find ourselves speaking harshly, lashing out, or have a greater emotional reaction than we would otherwise. Our bodies need nourishment and rest to live. This is why both hunger and fatigue are states of stress, indicating to the nervous system that it needs to move into a mode of ensuring our survival. Being hungry or tired activates the same brain regions and nervous system functions that are switched on when we are suffering work-related stress, in a physical fight or flight situation, or any set of circumstances, both acute and chronic, that make us feel like we are in “survival mode.” This is why “hangry” went from being a slang term to being included in the Oxford English Dictionary: Hangry - “bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger.”

There is a relationship between hunger and anger. Markham Heid, a writer for Time, shares what he learned from Dr. Brad Bushman, professor of psychology at [The] Ohio State University: “‘People commonly feel an uptick in anger or aggression when they’re hungry…. The brain needs fuel to regulate emotions, and anger is the emotion people have the most difficulty regulating.’” In addition to food as a way of fueling the brain, sleep also provides energy. When we are sleep-deprived, emotion-regulation and behavior-regulation are compromised.

Interpersonal Relationships: We Are Wired to Connect

When we have this understanding of the relationship between our biology and our emotions and behaviors, it’s possible to think of interpersonal neurobiology as the work of noticing what’s going on with our own “body-mind” AND what’s going on with the body-mind connections of other people. Our neurobiology is constantly adjusting, adapting, and responding to the neurobiology of those around us. Our nervous systems both send out and receive cues about safety and connection.

Have you ever sensed a shift in the energy of a room when a particular person enters or leaves the space? Or have you sensed a shift when you first walk into a room that’s filled with other people who all notice your entrance? That’s the work of IPNB - noticing the effect our nervous systems have on our environment, on our students, and on our loved ones, and their effect on us.

This is why person-to-person relationships are so important in the work of IPNB, which we might even think of as the study of being human. Human beings are social creatures, with emotions, and each relationship we have impacts, affects, and changes us. We impact, affect, and change other people throughout every interaction we have. This is true from the earliest moments of our lives. Dr. Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, points to neuroscience, the study of the nervous system, brain structure, and neural connections, to help us understand:

“Neuroscience has discovered that our brain’s very design makes it sociable, inexorably drawn into an intimate brain-to-brain linkup whenever we engage with another person. That neural bridge lets us affect the brain and the body of everyone we interact with just as they do us.”

“We are wired

to connect.”

IPNB In The Classroom

SEL and IPNB go hand in hand. Social-Emotional Learning and Interpersonal Neurobiology work together like this:

• Social = Inter (the between-ness)

• Emotional = Personal (the within-ness)

• Social-Emotional = Interpersonal

• Social-Emotional Learning = Interpersonal Neurobiology

In the school setting, whether digital or in person, the student-teacher relationship is an important piece of the learning environment. The more trust, ease, and mutual respect between teachers and students, the more access to the learning state of mind. When the “body-brain” connection of our students is activated by hunger, fatigue, distrust, and disrespect, it’s more difficult for them to access the limbic system and prefrontal cortex, both essential brain regions for learning, memory, and recall. The same is true for us as teachers. When our nervous systems are focused on acquiring what we need to survive, the primary needs of safety, food, and rest, there is no energy available to make connections, learn, recall, synthesize, and create with our students.

SEL gives us the raw tools and knowledge to understand our own emotional experience and body-mind connection. When we have this foundation, we can better understand the emotional experiences of others and harvest the fruits of empathy and compassion. IPNB provides the framework and wisdom to understand and benefit from our positive relationships and social interactions. We can observe, experience, and work with the effects of our nervous system on our students and theirs on us. When we, as teachers, walk into the classroom with a regulated and balanced “body-mind,” this directly affects the body-mind connections of our students. When we’re dysregulated, students’ nervous systems will sense this and respond similarly, often not realizing that this is happening. Fortunately, the same is true in the reverse. When we take up space with our students, with our body-mind balanced and at ease, the students will sense this and their body-mind is more likely to move toward a steady calm presence, as well.

IPNB In Your Life

When you have an awareness of your own nervous system state, you have a greater opportunity to choose thoughts, words, and actions that have a positive impact on your experience and the experience of your friends and family. You’ll also be able to tune into the nervous system states of those around you and offer support when appropriate. Mirror neurons are the brain cells that help us do this.

A mirror neuron is a brain cell that reacts when an action is performed, as well as when an action is observed. Examples of “mirror neurons doin’ their thing” are everywhere:

Have you ever witnessed a toddler after a surprising fall who begins to cry? When their caregiver smiles and offers a playful attitude, the toddler will often calm down and smile back. When their caregiver reacts to the fall with distress and fear, often the child will continue to cry.

Similarly, think back to when you were with a friend who was telling you a story. Did you notice that your facial expression might have changed in concert with your friend’s expression? When someone recounts a happy event, they smile and we smile. When they share a distressing story, often their smile will fall or their forehead will furrow, and our face will offer the same expression back to them sharing that we understand and acknowledge their experience. The same is true for our counterparts when we are the ones who are telling the story. This is the work of our mirror neurons. They help us connect to one another and make empathy and compassion possible.

Takeaways

To experiment with interpersonal neurobiology and mirror neurons, the next time you are working with a student, or spending time with a friend (in person or online) try this practice:

• Pause to notice your body-mind connection (what’s going on within you).

• Take a deep breath and notice any change in your system.

• As you interact with the other person, notice the cues they are sending through their facial expression, body language,and tone of voice (what’s going on with them).

• Pause again to notice how your body is responding to the signals you are receiving (what’s going on between you).

• Notice: How does this awareness impact your experience? What do you notice about your sense of safety and connection? Their sense of safety and connection? Does this noticing give you the space to make wise decisions about what you will think, say, or do next?

Mirror Games

One way to experiment with IPNB & mirror neurons is through play. Try these games with your students, children, or even friends as a way to enhance understanding of social-emotional well-being:

What Am I Feeling?

Young students gain a better understanding of their emotions and the emotions of other people when playing “Guess What I’m Feeling.” To play, create the appearance of different emotions through facial expressions. (This still works with masks on, and can really help us make sense of facial expressions that we see from the eyes up.) Make a happy face, angry face, sleepy, or disgusted face and have the students guess what you are feeling each time. Go through as many different emotions as you like. Notice if any emotions have similar facial expressions and discuss this with your students. For instance, if sadness also looks like disappointment, how can you tell the difference? What other clues can you find in body language? Notice if your students end up making the same faces you do as they try to figure out which emotion you’re demonstrating. You can also have the students think of an emotion and be the leader.

Mirroring

This game strengthens students’ ability to pay close attention and to tune into the experience of others. Have students pair up, seated or standing, and take turns moving slowly and imitating each other. One child will slowly move their hands, arms, face, or head, and their partner will try to mirror them with the same slow movements at the same time. Encourage the student who is mirroring to stare at the center of their partner’s forehead as a point of focus, and use their peripheral (indirect) vision to notice the movements. Set a timer for 1 minute, then switch.

Bonus Benefit: Practicing with peripheral vision can enhance a sense of safety and allow students to move into the learning state of mind, accessing the limbic system and prefrontal cortex needed for receiving, storing, and recalling information.

*Bailey et al., 2011; De Palma et al., 2014; Moloney et al., 2014