Making Space for Presence

Making Space for Presence


This article explores the science of emotions, the research on social aspects of teaching, as well as the work of embodiment and how it can support us in moments of difficulty or overwhelm. At the end you’ll find an offering to create space for empathy & compassion for yourself & others.


EMOTIONS


Dr. Eve Ekman is a contemplative social scientist and teacher in the field of emotional awareness and burnout prevention. She defines emotion as “a process that is triggered in 1/25 of a second, lasts only about 30 – 90 seconds, and helps us respond to important challenges.” Emotions get our attention and remind us of our values. Being aware of our emotions allows us to acknowledge them without criticism and make wise choices about our role in what comes next.


COMMUNITY


Community spaces are filled with people, and as such are filled with emotions, as well as lots of triggers! This is just as true for digital interactive spaces as it is for in-person events. Whether you’re a leader, participant, student, teacher, parent, child, or all of these and more, spending hours each day in social environments creates an opportunity for emotional exhaustion.

Research in education shows that practicing mindful awareness can help decrease burnout and increase an overall sense of well-being. Because this is true in K-12 learning environments, we can reasonably extend these findings to include a variety of other group settings, such as professional and corporate offices, fitness centers, child care facilities, nursing homes, hospitals, and community events – basically, anywhere there are facilitators and participants, anywhere there are people(!)


“Practicing Presence

is the

Seed of Empathy.“


COMPASSION


Practicing Presence within community requires a certain amount of non-reactivity. Being able to notice and observe our own emotions allows for a space between what activates us (or triggers us) and our next thought, word, or action. The space allows us to respond skillfully rather than react choicelessly (or without conscious thought). It also creates pathways to take care of our own needs in the moment. This practicing awareness of our emotional process gives us insight into the experience of others, precisely because all of us are human. Happily, that new information we gain inside that moment of presence increases the likelihood that we can, and will, envision ourselves in someone else’s situation. These are the seeds of empathy.


Empathy leads to another key aspect of mindful awareness, the active partner of non-judgement: compassion. What’s great about compassion is that it’s for everyone, including ourselves, and it can really help guide challenging conversations and all manner of interactions.

Compassion allows us to see our life-partner, who is “letting the housework go” and seemingly choosing to not ask us about our day or our needs, as a beautiful human being who is fatigued and out of resources – not just someone who doesn’t care. Compassion also allows us to see the student melting down in front of us as another human, just like us, in need of support. Compassion can even bring us to a new perspective on the behaviors of our co-workers, family and community members, as well as complete strangers (and even people we might classify as the manifestation of enmity and animus – our enemy).


Everyone is a human being – just like us. This fact is an excellent reminder that, perhaps most amazingly, self-compassion allows us to see our own selves as deserving of gentleness, acceptance, and encouragement, too ~ the hallmarks of empathy.


SPACE


We experience emotions on a broad spectrum. There’s a wide range of ways we can know anger, fear, disgust, sadness, and enjoyment. And knowing that the initial emotional reaction only lasts 30 -90 seconds, it benefits us to wait it out, seeing if it subsides or changes before we say the thing we really want to say (that thing we feel absolutely justified in saying). The magic in this moment is patience. And one support for practicing patience is to go ahead and do something.


Here’s an embodiment practice for that. I call it SPACE because I love talking about, thinking about, and accessing spaciousness as a pathway to loving and being loved. It’s a way of being present in my body that allows me both to notice and observe my emotions, as well as wait for them to change or subside before I choose my next thought, word, or action.


  • S – settle

  • P – pause

  • A – abide

  • C – center

  • E – expand


Basically, SPACE creates space. And space allows for compassion.


First, I settle into my body by feeling my feet and noticing gravity.

I pause and breathe.

I abide in the present moment. (A kind of restful dwelling.)

I find my center.

And then I expand from there – breathing in and growing my ribcage in all directions.


By expanding, I’m creating physical space inside my body, bringing about sensations associated with happiness, freedom, and joy. I’m also creating intangible space between what is said and done, and what is understood and experienced. No one needs to know I’m doing this. I can settle, pause, abide, center, and expand while I am listening to another person speak or while I’m experiencing their actions. This embodied work allows me to feel grounded and gives me the space to choose what I will say and do, as well as what I will not say and what I won’t do. This is not easy. Practice is essential.


KEEPING ON


Continue practicing awareness.

Keep non-reactively observing.

Carry on with sensing your body and making space.

If nothing else, the next time you notice a strong emotional reaction, let that be your cue to press and settle into your feet and expand from your center. The breath will happen. You will pause and abide, and you just might find yourself and others surrounded by the spaciousness of compassion.


FOR YOUR PRACTICE

While you are moving through your unique morning ritual, brewing coffee or tea, practicing prayer, movement, concentration, or meditation, consider practicing spaciousness:

  • Settle into your body by feeling your feet and noticing gravity

  • Pause and breathe

  • Abide in the present moment

  • Center yourself in your body and in your values & intention

  • Expand and grow your spacious heart


Then, take this wisdom with you out of your practice space and into the world. Know that you don’t have to have a practice or a ritual that seems fancy or mysterious. Rituals can be completely practical. You can practice SPACE quite effectively, and beautifully, while you are brushing your teeth, helping a friend, cultivating your garden, preparing a meal, or navigating a classroom or household full of people. The power is inside you. And when you practice a little bit each day, you will find it easier to access these skills even in some of the most difficult & challenges moments of your life.


None of us is perfect. Everything is a process. When we practice awareness, even when we fail, we are learning.


May everyone benefit from these practices of empathy, compassion, & spaciousness.