Active Listening

Have you ever been part of a conversation where everyone seemed to be talking about different things? You may have found yourself thinking, “What are we talking about?”

You’ve probably been told that communication skills are crucial, but research has shown that communication is much more than getting your point across. Communication is about listening, not just about speaking. Which means setting aside your voice and focusing on what the other person is saying. When we effectively listen to each other and consider the other’s perspective, we can feel connected, supported, empowered even, and more prepared to move forward.

On the other hand, interactions where you don’t feel taken seriously or where it seems like other person just doesn’t care can leave us feeling deflated, confused, even minimized. This not only can hurt our relationships, but can also get in the way of us from producing our best work.

So how can we work to better understand one another? One crucial skill is active listening, which requires giving someone our full attention to understand what they are saying from their perspective. When you engage in active listening, you are not listening to find weaknesses or ways to respond, you are listening to understand.

For example, if a teammate questions something you said, you might start to feel defensive and insist that their critique and interpretation was not your intention. But what if you chose to listen with purpose instead, which you can do by creating the space to listen, by acting as a mirror to make sure you’re on the same page, and by trying on their perspective to seek understanding.

[Being open] When there is a disagreement, you can create space by pausing and slowing down to notice what you are feeling, and focus on listening actively instead.

[Mirroring] You can act as a mirror by clarifying what you heard. By asking “Can I repeat back to make sure I’m with you?”, we are not only signaling that we are listening, but also ensuring that we understand correctly.

[Perspective taking] We can try on their perspective to gain a deeper sense of where they’re coming from. We may still disagree with what they’re saying, but the goal is to see the situation from their vantage point. When we practice active listening, we might not have an immediate response when they finish speaking. Instead of immediately jumping to a conclusion or giving advice, we can take the time to reflect on their words and digest their point of view. And as we form a response, we can continue to consider their perspective and how our response might impact them. A well intended message can still come across otherwise.

This week, when you find yourself asking, “What are we talking about?” -- are you listening with purpose? Are you creating space to listen and trying on other perspectives? Collaboration is not about avoiding disagreement or conflict -- and by truly listening to understand one another, we can build more meaningful relationships and collectively feel empowered to achieve more.