How's it hangin', my pretties? I'm back at it again for the last time. Well, for most of you. A select lucky few may find a golden ticket in a perfect normal Courier and receive a tour of my writing factory. It mostly consists of a large pile of nonperscribed ADHD medication and a super Evil Gem that I use for pondering evilly. I have been a Courier writer for three years now, and I have never once improved my writing in any way, shape, or form. I am the 1 in 10 who just sucks. Epicly. Le epicly, if you will. WOW I can't believe I just said that that is disgusting, I apologize.

Please note:

I am not associated with Ted Kaczynski or any of his actions.

It's the Rob Zombie movies. I love these. "I am the Devil. And I am here to do the Devil's work." "Why?! Why is not the question you should be asking! How? Now, that is a question worth examining!" These movies rock. For the most part.

Antichrist Superstar is a tryhard edgy industrial metal/rock album. It is pretty fun. It has some excellent tracks. It rips.

The Life And Times Of Tim is a television show. Read the article if you actually want to learn about it. My genius is too great for this paper. This is a circumcised version.

The song is Hank Williams I's "I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive," which is the theme song for the show. Obvious pick.

This article was a split between myself and Moon. Moon took an Ado album, Zanmu, and I selected A T R I U M by niche vaporwave artist Hallmark '87. I am not sure what possessed me to pick this album. In the overall scheme of things, nothing about this album is really that unique or noteworthy, but it's pretty good. Solid, and it gave me a lot to chew on. 

Fun fact: The label stating where the album covers were taken from is inaccurate. Hallmark '87 is not on Spotify, and rather Bandcamp.

Something of note; a paragraph was removed entirely for the purposes of spacing and fitting on the page. It would work better as a BTS note anyway. Here it is:

"Due to the nature of this as a concept album, it’s interesting to discuss the source material. In the description of the album it states that it is “In memory of John C. Portman Jr.” John Portman was an architect behind some of the most impressive brutalist structures in the Reunited States of America, blurring the lines between art and architecture. The cover itself is a photograph of the atrium of the Atlanta Marriott Marquis Hotel, one of Portman's most impressive creations. The structure itself is much less dark and depressing, of course, but it exists, and that’s enough of a surprise."

This article was about the classic celebration of Festivus. Bring your family together for this pure celebration of all that is great! Scream at them for all the different ways they dissapointed you! Have the head of the household pick one person to wrestle until the head is pinned! And don't forget the most important part, that beautiful Festivus Pole!

The song that this article pairs with is "Maquillage de Tiwa", off the Fantastic Planet (1973) soundtrack. This song and the rest of the album consists of some absolutely killer funk, with some almost disco-type influence. The rest of the album and the film are well worth the watch. Seriously.

For a very long time, I wanted to write about the local record store. What a beautiful place, possibly the most comfortable place on Earth? In my opinion, at least. If you don't love dust, you might just be screwed.

The song this article pairs with is "Liberation Frequency" off of The Shape Of Punk To Come by Refused. This is probably one of the best contemporary punk albums of all time, and "Liberation Frequency" may be the first or second best track on there.

Left: "The Ultimate Price of Cinema And Greed" (October 2024) before it was fully spayed.

This article was initially much more angry and vulgar. The final nail in its coffin, however, was the removal of the Matthew 19:24 quote. This version of the article was rescued before that final wave of culling editing that stole away my biblical allusion.

Left: The October 2024 album review, featuring Jeff Buckley's Grace and Primus' Brown Album. This was the first review to be named under the new official title of "The Metamodern Soundwaves Oddity Shop."

Left: April 2024. This article was the product of a deep obsession with substance abuse and a morbid scientific interest in life-ruining addictions. The article was subject to very little scrutiny, given its bare concept, but I was understandably forced to remove any mentions of actual dosages or effects associated with diphenhydramine abuse. 

Fun fact: The photograph in the background is of actual off-brand Benadryl pills! I know this because I took it.

Drugs are seriously not that scary.

Left: This article is a mess. It was one of the album reviews I did begrudgingly under the title of "Song Spot." It and its sister article just below are both rushed jobs in the design department. I had spent literal hours perfecting this spacescape background with some 70's style polygon mountains and such, all hand designed. This version was unfortunately lost to time. The version we got was the product of a lack of interest in branching out artistically.

The actual article is alright. Ziggy Stardust and Dark Side Of The Moon are both classic 70's rock albums. But you don't need me to tell you that.

Left: Now THIS one is something else. Quite possibly the ugliest page design I have ever seen in my life. It was featured in the April 2024 issue, alongside the comically more appealing Benadryl article. This article is also full of gramatical and factual errors. Likely a byproduct of the editing, however, I must accept some blame in how poorly written the article is overall. There is really nothing else to say. It's a review of the Willy Wonka movies.

Update: Seems this article ceased to exist. Good. Most of the time I mourn the loss of media, but this time I hope this ugly page stays lost.