Message from the Counselor
Dear Leslie,
We give our young kids our iphones to keep them occupied when we all go out for dinner but then they won’t give them back so we wait until the battery runs out, which could take hours. What’s your advice about this?
Signed
Desperate about devices
Dear Desperate,
One idea is that before you give a device, like a phone or an ipad, to your child, you talk it through with them first. Decide together on the length of time they can be on. Show them how you will set the timer for that length of time on the device. Explain to them, using feeling words, the reason it is important to set a time. For example;
“I’ve read that it is OK for a child to spend 2 ½ hours a day watching TV or a device screen so let’s decide together how you want to use that time. I feel sad and worried about your health when you watch longer than that. So can you agree to give back the phone/ipad when the timer rings?”
Then, ask them to choose some toys they want to bring to play with after they give back the phone/ipad. Give them some genuine compliments about how they are agreeing to something you realize is difficult for them. Remember that we are all more likely to cooperate when we are spoken to gently and with respect.
Dr Richard Graham, who heads the specialist clinic devoted to technology addiction at Nightingale Hospital in London, suggests that children use no technology for an hour before they go to sleep. He also suggests that families agree on ‘tech-free times’ so the parents can role model putting their phones away and everyone can go for a walk, read together, or enjoy some other activities.
I attach 3 good articles that all address your concerns about children’s addictive behavior around devices so I hope you find them helpful.
· https://happyyouhappyfamily.com/limit-screen-time-kids-and-technology/
· https://www.lifewire.com/should-your-toddler-or-preschooler-use-an-ipad-4069908
Remember - cooperation comes from a mutually respectful relationship.
Leslie Corcos
Counsellor