Artist Statement: 

As I settled in to create this series of prints, I noticed my physical being pushing back. My chest pounded with a dull ache and my mind raced with worried thoughts. "Don’t I sort of suck?"  "What do I have to say anyway?" "My art always looks the worst." "What if I forget how to make anything?"  I sat cross legged on the floor in front of my coffee table, functionally procrastinating by spending more than enough time sharpening the gouges that I hadn’t used since my Studio Art days in college, more than a decade ago. My anxious response was one that I'd come to expect in uncertain situations, especially when meeting someone new. 

The difference here is that I was meeting myself. At this time. Post. And I was about to dig in.

As an artist-educator, I believe in the power of art as a portal for self-expression. Art can be a gateway to self-knowing, but only if you are an open and active participant. This series of woodblock relief prints, entitled Exploration and Reflection, expresses the criticality of active and deliberate self-exploration and self-reflection in the journey towards self-knowledge. Through the diptych, I simultaneously juxtapose and harmonize the dual conditions of my spirit, creating a path wherein I exist as both an adventurous explorer, looking beyond, and a steady keeper of familiar surroundings, looking within. This duality of being has plagued me endlessly as I struggle to exist with a set of values that sometimes seems diametrically opposed: I strive to reach new peaks, but I’ve trodden deep roots. I can see myself in my work, and I can imagine myself in this moment that I have created, at peace with nature- at peace with my natural state. 

My creative process allowed space and time for these themes to emerge. While I did not fully know at first what my art would end up saying, I knew I would be exploring and reflecting throughout my initial brainstorming in my visual journal and in my carving. As an avid hiker, I selected imagery inspired by nature and, specifically, my hiking experiences. I felt it would be the easiest language for me to work with in order to translate my spirit to my cognition. I chose to work in woodblock relief printing because I had the supplies readily available and experience with this medium. I took a cue from the American artist Swoon and drew directly onto my blocks, using my gouges to interpret the drawing along the way. This led to greater flexibility and a discourse between the wood and myself. 

Throughout this course, MAT800: The Artist as Educator, I encountered invaluable opportunities to explore my identity in the context of artist-educator. Through reading responses, self-reflections, visual journaling, and collegial dialogue, I began to connect with my personal struggle, or the barriers that keep me from producing art in my adult life (mainly my internal critic, which makes everything look ugly). I recognized that, while I work to facilitate learning opportunities for my students to examine and express their experiences through art, I wasn’t affording myself the same space and grace to create, learn, and grow. Fulfilling my final project by creating Exploration and Reflection have helped me break that cycle of closing my eyes to self-discovery. As long as I continue to create, I can see who I am.

Ashley Pillsbury, 2021