anonymous submissions
These submissions have been shared by the MC community to create a supportive and accepting environment for any student, staff or faculty member at the college that may be struggling with food, exercise or body image issues. If you would like to share your own experience, please follow the link below to share submissions that will remain completely anonymous:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScfftg7QElI_8u_PtCWvylDq7LcIK9kaQmiDW40lf7oWuPmdw/viewform?usp=pp_url
"I was never technically diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I know I had serious body image issues in high school. I used to binge eat when I was stressed, especially during junior year of high school because I was going through a lot emotionally and had a lot going on at school and dance. Everyone in my ballet classes were so thin and I hated myself for binge eating. I tried to force myself to throw up a few times but I was scared my parents would here and I didn’t think they’d be comforting as much as they might be critical of me putting my health in danger. I haven’t done that since but sometimes I do still eat more than I really need to and I allow food to be a reward for getting through stressful things. Again, I don’t know if I had an eating disorder but I am sure my actions resembled body dysmorphia and binge eating disorder. I never told anyone though, because I thought the only disorders were anorexia and bulimia - I had no idea there was anything else I could be suffering from. I hope this helps!"
"My years in high school I was a 4 year 2 sport varsity athlete; field hockey and lacrosse. I never really had an issue with my body but I had also been harsh to myself because I never looked like the girls around me. I never cared about what I ate and didn't pay close attention to it. After my freshman year in college, I gain at least 15-20 pounds, I didn't like the way I looked and it was noticeable weight gain. Nothing fit me like I wanted it to, I also felt heavy and gross. After getting sent home due to the Covid outbreak, during quarantine I started to workout at least twice a day, a walk in the morning and then some type of total body/ HITT workout before dinner. People noticed a different in how I looked coming back to school sophomore year. I was watching what I ate, trying to cut on sugar and carbs but not holding myself accountably. I would fall back and have a snack with sugar or a carb but I kept up with walking at least 30 mins. per day. By Spring 2020 (April), I had moved back home after going through something traumatic, I had a lot of stress and anxiety so I stopped eating but put in my head that people preferred me skinny because of all the praise I had received losing a couple pounds. With the stress/anxiety and the praising, I lost another 25-30 pounds which I didn't need to. I worked out from time to time but it really came from my eating habits. I either ate dinner or ate nothing all day and maybe had a coffee that day. My mom also is on a keto diet, so going home also meant a change in my diet. Today I have really bad body dysmorphia, thinking I'm still the same from freshman year and even sophomore year. I love running but I don't always get to run. I don't eat nearly enough as someone my age should, sometimes I eat nothing or I eat a lot or days where I eat but not enough. Even this year I came in weighing very low but started to work out but gained a little bit of muscle and freaked out and went back to not eating and not working out. I certainly changed the way I eat, I pick way healthier options (maybe to the extreme) but not always do I hold myself accountable so when I do eat something that isn't as healthy or has a lot of calories or sugar I blame myself and have guilt. Ive also seen it in my friends, their eating troubles and body images. It's worse to see your friends going through something that you can't force on them but only want to help. Watching my closest friends have their own food struggles is more challenging for me because they will eat nothing all day and eat one meal which is so sad because everyday they feel worse and they complain but the real answer is the lack of nutrients. I would help but how can I help if I can't help myself get over the same issues, but by me not helping it makes me feel worse about myself and how I am with my eating habits."
"Coming to college having a history of an ED is harder than most people know. There are a lot of “triggers” for people with this history that are just part of college life. Things like “pulling trig,” limited meal swipes/places to eat, going to the gym constantly, and avoiding “gross” dining hall food are all things that people with history of EDs are wary of on college campuses. Language is also a big one, hearing people say things like “I havent eaten yet today, I’m practically anorexic” is so harmful!! Having an ED or a history of one is not just trying to be thin and is not some trendy thing people do. Survivors are strong as hell and ED culture needs to be talked about more on college campuses."
"I’ve been struggling with disordered eating for 6+ years. It began as orthorexia and anorexia but overtime progressed to a binge restrict cycle. For me, the hardest part of ED recovery has been that I don’t have to meet the “to the bone” thin standard to be considered for treatment. My struggle is my struggle no matter what it looks like on the outside. Recovery has been the most eye opening experience of my life and I’m so grateful for the people who helped me recover. ❤️❤️"
"My whole life I've been on the bigger side. I struggled with body image my whole life & never really appreciated myself fully until this year. When I was younger, I was always the fat friend. In the 7th grade my best friend told me that even tho I was fat, at least I was funny. I honestly hated myself for so many years because of my weight. I tried everything I could to lose my stomach; I went all of 8th grade giving away my lunch & would go hours without any food. I did everything I could to become skinny yet it never happened. I hated myself all of high school because of the way I looked.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college, I had absolutely no friends. I was fat, friendless, and just miserable. I remember being tired of sitting in my dorm & I put on my sweatshirt & running shoes & I went to the gym. As someone who hates the gym, I honestly couldn't tell you why I went but it was one of the best decisions I made in my life. I started focusing on my health, and becoming the person I wanted to look like. Now I'm 30lbs lighter & so much happier but to any girl dealing with body image issues, please remember how beautiful you are. LOVE your tummy because she loves you. Take care of your body, feed it, don't hurt it & love it unconditionally ❤️"
"When I was a kid, I did ballet. I loved it, but as I got older, I noticed how different my body looked from the other girls. Staring at it for hours in a tight leotard made it look wrong in my eyes. On top of all that, I had a mom who was deep into diet culture. I thought every kid ate the 100 calorie snack packs and drank protein shakes as meal replacements, I didn't realize how weird that was for my age. I always felt so much bigger than my peers, and I believed that everyone thought I was disgusting and fat. I look back at pictures of that time and realize that nothing was wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with me, I know that now. Going to college and being able to eat what I want gave me a freedom I had never had before, and I realized how much happier I felt about my body. I still have moments, like over the summer when I was so stressed about my terrible job that I threw up before my shifts, and my mom said "at least you look skinnier." But I know better now than to listen to stuff like that and take it to heart."
"Being a black athlete, I was always pushed to the extreme to be better than my white teammates because my parents wanted me to prove myself so I would run and lift extra before every game because every basket was an opportunity to get the two black parents in the crowd to scream in joy, but that turned sour when they split up and were both at games. They wanted the same thing but separately, and it meant I was competing for their attention too so I tried to push everything into basketball and ultimately was so underweight and malnourished that my couch had me committed for a 72 hour hold and got me onto meds for depression and anxiety. I don't play competitively anymore, in fact I barely touch a basketball because it's an immediate trigger although every holiday home means hearing two nights in a row how I let my opportunities disappear in front of me. Ultimate, my coach and therapy have saved me and she's become the only semblance of family that isn't toxic."
thank you.
the LWGRC and all the women involved with the women's health handbook would like to take a moment in this space to thank all those who've submitted their experiences. Survivorship is more than recognition that you are still here; it's the realization that your resistance and perseverance are stronger than any demons you are battling. & that is something more than worthy of relishing.
As always, the staff at the LWGRC are available for any guidance or support and can be reached at lasallianwomenandgender@gmail.com, via instagram or twitter at @mc_lwgrc, or in our office in room 3C in the Student Commons.
CAMPUS RESOURCES:
MC Counseling Center: Counseling Center | Inside Manhattan College
Phone Number: (718)862-7394; Email: Julie Egan at jegan01@manhattan.edu; Visit: Miguel Hall room 501 (For emergencies please call 911 or Public Safety at 718-862-7333)
MC Health Services: Health Services | Inside Manhattan College
Phone Number: (718)862-7217; Email: healthservices@manhattan.edu; Visit: Horan Hall 218
MC Dietician: Kayla Kirschner, Phone Number: (906)926-4706; Email: diningservices@manhattan.edu
EATING DISORDER HOTLINES:
Eating Disorders Helpline | Chat, Call, or Text | NEDA
Online Chat available: Monday—Thursday 9am—9pm ET; Friday 9am—5pm ET
Call available at (800) 931-2237: Monday—Thursday 11am—9pm ET; Friday 11am—5pm ET
Text available at (800) 931-2237: Monday—Thursday 3pm—6pm ET; Friday 1pm—5pm ET
Crisis Text Line: If you are in a crisis and need help immediately, text “NEDA” to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at Crisis Text Line. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message to individuals who are struggling with mental health, including eating disorders, and are experiencing crisis situations.
