While discussions about body positivity have become more existent in public discourse, there is still a lack of understanding regarding the internal conflicts that perpetuate and ignite eating disorders and disordered eating behaviors. The reasons that one may be led to these behaviors are various, and each individual has a unique and intersectional identity within their own livelihood, but there is one key aspect that links these reasons together: control. Control is deeply rooted in these disordered behaviors, and becomes more and more addictive.

Oftentimes, disordered eating and eating disorders are triggered by a loss or a lack of control. This could be from a new environment, past traumas, current trauma that is being inflicted, past environments, socio-economic factors and/or racial or ethinic factors.

Going away to college is an incredibly common experience for young Americans today. However, it is a major adjustment as college often presents a very different environment for new students. As a result, many students seek a sense of control through exercise or dieting. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 32% of female identifying students and 25% of male identifying students were recognized as struggling with an eating disorder in 2020. Further, it was found that over 40% of college freshmen in the US develop or have a continuing eating disorder during their first year of being at school.

With busy schedules and new factors constantly impacting students’ lives, it becomes incredibly easy and normalized for college students to skip meals or restrict their diets. When it’s not possible to control most parts of your life, controlling your eating habits becomes addictive.

This same idea applies to those who have experienced trauma. Since trauma is something that is INFLICTED UPON someone, rather than invited or chosen by individuals, choosing to control a diet, exercise routine, or form of self-harm fulfills this sense of control within trauma survivors. Further, by focusing so intensely on these channels of control, a trauma survivor can dissociate from their trauma and create a barrier in their mind between the trauma and their controlled reality.

As in all aspects of eating disorders and disordered eating, there is no one perfect formula or experience. However, there are some common practices that can be linked towards this idea of control, especially in response to new environments, discrimination, socio-economic factors and/or trauma.

Restricting is one way that an individual may seek control over their circumstances. Restricting can look like fasting, skipping meals, or avoiding specific foods or food groups (ie “no carb” rules). Restriction could be linked to a specific goal of changing one’s body, but it may also be a form of controlled self-harm, wherein an individual is taking control over their own abuse, in response to abuse that they could not stop or control. (And if you are EVER experiencing abuse from another person, it is abuse that you cannot control and are not at fault for.) Restricting offers a sense of control to an individual because it is a choice made by that individual to regulate what is going into their bodies.

Purging is another way that one may seek control. Purging may be through self-induced vomiting or excretion (via laxatives), but can also be through excessive exercise. Essentially, purging means removing substance from the body through purposeful action. This offers control to an individual because it allows them to choose if something remains in their body, and changes the natural course of digestion (because yes, excessive exercise is NOT the natural course of digestion).

Excessive exercise is defined as exercise that interferes with important activities or events (family events/work/personal commitments, etc); exercise that exceeds three hours per day (this time restraint varies, as even if it is less than three hours, if it is interfering with your livelihood, it is still considered excessive and should be treated as such); exercise that an individual MUST complete or else they feel guilt, shame or distress; frequent exercise that an individual is unable to suppress even if it is occurring at an inappropriate time or place; and/or exercise that occurs despite serious injuries, illnesses or medical complications/advisement.

It is very hard to address excessive exercise when you are actively struggling with it. Like restriction, self-induced vomiting and laxative use, excessive exercise becomes compulsive. These practices become addictive, therefore, as an individual becomes reliant on them to feel control and some kind of satisfaction or fulfillment in their lives. However, true satisfaction is never found, as these behaviors instead become part of an endless cycle. Inevitably, one realizes that these behaviors do not truly create internal healing, but cannot understand how to break the dependence upon behaviors that create short-term satisfaction or feelings of control.

To radically accept is to completely commit to accepting those situations which we cannot control. Further, it is to accept what the situation is without judgement. To do this, you must commit to this acceptance through mind, body and soul.

At the end of the day, we live within the body that we were brought into the world with. No matter how much damage you inflict upon yourself, that body will always be yours. We must accept this. To fight against your own body is to condemn yourself to a continuous cycle of disappointment and abuse. Healing comes instead from radically accepting your body and your circumstances as they are.

This is challenging, especially as so much of our world emphasizes the “ideal body”. Here is a resource for a group advocating for radical acceptance: The Body Positive: About Us . The Body Positive discusses how to radically accept your body as it is, instead of attempting to conform to body norms or ideals.

The practice of radical acceptance can be applied to all aspects of our lives. We encourage you to practice radical acceptance and address the ways in which you may not be satisfied or accepting of your life. Health, physically, spiritually and mentally, is the most important aspect of our lives, and cannot be truly achieved without this practice.

Healing is a process, it is not stationary. If you struggle with body image, eating disorders or disordered eating, you will be in the process of healing for the rest of your life. But this is NOT a bad thing. By choosing to accept recovery and relinquish control through harmful practices, you can begin building the tools that will make recovery (and life) more fulfilling.

In the beginning of recovery, these issues will be more prominent, and it will take time to create a foundation from which you can grow and further heal. But that initial decision to relinquish control and begin to radically accept is a major accomplishment.

Through support and guidance, you can establish the skills that will become life-long tools. By establishing these, it becomes easier to exist within this ongoing process of recovery. But it is important to process your eating disorder in combination with the need for control. Why do you feel the need to escape from your body? What has made you feel threatened in your life?

Addressing and discovering possible traumas through therapy and personal reflection can give you answers to WHY you feel the need to cling to these behaviors, and why you may seek other versions of control-addiction in the future, whether that be through substance abuse, abusive relationships or self-harm. Working through trauma and applying radical acceptance is the key towards freeing yourself from this addiction to control.

You will not regret healing. No matter how long it takes. It will feel unnatural and violating, but this is the process from which you reestablish yourself and build a sense of safety from within. We do not need to be scared of our bodies. You deserve healing.