Positive Discipline

Keep Calm and Parent On...

As parents, you are the first models for your children. They look up to you and mirror what they see. The "do as I say and not as I do" philosophy is not sound advice. So, what should you do when your child is tantruming? What are some strategies to avoid tantrums? Here are some ideas and ones that I use in class as well!

Keep Calm Yourself- Out-screaming a screaming child won't help. It will make you more frustrated and will likely scare your child. Even if you have to walk away, do so as long as your child is in a safe place in your home.

Teach Calming Routines- Teach your child self-care routines like taking belly breaths or listening to soothing music. Practicing these behaviors when your child is calm will help them to be more easily accessible tools when frustrated or angry. Even better? Ask your child to name things that calm him. That way, you know that is a go-to when he gets angry. Whether it is a stuffed animal or a sensory bottle, knowing what makes him calm down will help when a tantrum occurs.

Label and Talk About Emotions- Role play, read stories and talk about what certain emotions might look like and feel like. What does mad look like? Sad? Angry? Impatient? This can be cultural-specific, so talk about how in your family you express feelings. Teaching about emotions will help your child more easily describe how she is feeling which will help you know how to best help.

Provide Routines- Children feel safe and secure with routines. Create routines that your child can count on, and when there is a change in routine, prime your child in advance for the change. Some children might even like a visual daily schedule or calendar of events at home like we have in school.

Redirect- Sometimes a distraction can solve the problem. If your child wants a toy that his sibling is playing with, offer another toy for the meantime.

Give Options/Alternatives- If your child is not allowed to jump on the trampoline because you are leaving for Grandma's soon, rather than just saying "no," give your child options of what she can do. Saying, "Since we are leaving for Grandma's house soon, let's save the trampoline for tomorrow. Do you want to play hopscotch instead?" She'll still gets to jump a bit, but won't wrinkle or dirty her dinner clothes. Win-win.

Give Choice- Empower your child and validate his need for independence and control by giving your child choices. At bedtime, ask your child, "Do you want to go potty first or brush your teeth first?" You need both done, but if the order doesn't matter, let your kiddo be in control!

Praise- Praise and label the behaviors you want to see repeated. A simple, "I loved that you put your plate in the sink," along with a high-five, will boost your child's confidence and self-esteem. You'll likely see that happen again!

Ignore Attention-Seeking Behaviors- If you give-in to attention seeking behaviors, those are the behaviors that will repeat as well. Stick with lots of positive reinforcement. "Wow! You waited until I got off the phone to ask me a question. Thank you! By doing that I was able to get off the phone faster! Thank you for respecting my time!"

Model Your Personal and Family Values- Do you treat other people the way you want to be treated? Your child is watching and listening, so model behaviors you want to see in your child. Let someone with just a few items go in front of you in the grocery store, say please and thank you, and hold the door open for the next person as you enter and exit.

These strategies will help your child learn self-regulation, moral behaviors, empathy, kindness, respect, and more! It takes a village, and I am here for you every step of the way!