Your Child May Be Messy!
As parents, cleaning can feel liberating! Think of springtime- we dry linens on the clothesline, let the breeze come in through our windows, and clear the clutter that inevitably piled up through winter. But just because that makes your heart pound with excitement, for young children, cleaning typically does not make them feel such giddiness. Gaining an understanding about the unique developmental stages and needs of your child will help make clean-up time battle-free.
To begin, kids are not mini-adults. Five-year-olds are egocentric, are learning about perspective taking, being kind, cooperating, and being a friend. They love to play and are engaging in longer, more advanced forms of play using their imagination. They often times take many toys out at once to set up their play situations just as they want them. For parents, walking into a playroom with blocks, forts, dress up and stuffed animals strewn about may cause stress, especially when you question how you will get your child to clean it all up. Knowing that play is an invaluable tool for your child's growth, setting realistic expectations for clean up and teaching teamwork, will be a win-win situation for all. Let's first look at how to approach clean up time!
Where Do I Begin?
Creating bins with labels will be really helpful so that your child knows where everything goes. Involve your child in the process of taking pictures of their toys, printing them out and taping them to the outside of the container. This will create additional buy-in for your child to easily put things where they belong. Giving your child choice of which area to clean up first will be empowering to your child who will feel a sense of control over the situation. Ask your child what area you can help clean up so that your child will feel supported. Asking, "Should I clean up the Legos, or the blocks first?" will help your child feel like the process is not too overwhelming. Be sure to praise your child's efforts along the way. "I like the way you put the trains back in the right bin. That will help you to find them next time," will grow your child's feelings of success, competence and responsibility. You may choose to sing or play a song during clean up or make it a race. Knowing your child best and knowing what motivates them will help make the experience as pleasant as possible.
She Won't Clean Up!
When your child tells you that she does not want to clean up or that you should do it for her, remember that "Children have limited reasoning ability and this, coupled with their limited experiences, often brings them to conclusions that conflict with adult logic (American College of Education, 2021). Kids do not see why they have to clean up, nor do they care that it is dinnertime and that you are tired. Don't blame them for not understanding. They will grow these skills with you guiding and coaching them along. Avoid yelling or taking their anger personally. Model for them behaviors you want to see reflected back someday. Use supportive words to show you understand her frustration, consider cleaning up only part of it now and then finishing it after dinner, enlist help of older siblings who can help sympathize with how hard cleaning up can seem. Work as a partner with your child, use it as a teachable moment, and suggest next time that maybe fewer toys should come out at once. If your child refuses or tantrums, walk away until she is ready to listen. Use if/then statements- "If you clean up now, then you will have time for extra books later." "If you want to take a bath first, then we can clean up after." "If you don't clean up, the toys will be on timeout tomorrow, and you won't be able to play with them.' "If you don't clean up, I can't trust you to be able to take toys out next time." Be positive, and keep your cool. Five is fabulous, but can be tricky. Keep calm!
Great parenting is hard, but it is worth it! Set clear expectations about play time and cleaning up with your child, and give reminders and praise often. Make play fun and clean up fun through songs or games. Be firm and ready for push back. For kids, cleaning up feels like cleaning up the fun, which can be difficult. Be supportive and positive and promote a climate of collaboration. Before you know it, your child will clean up on his own and you will forget all the work that went into making him so responsible! Learning social skills, like responsibility, now are essential for later success. Please know that I am here to support you in any way!