Making & Keeping Friends

Making & Keeping Friends Tips

from How to Make Friends When You are Extremely Shy by Paul Chernyak

1. Be Yourself - you don’t need to turn into a different person to make friends. If you try to be someone that you aren’t, you will end up making friends you don’t truly “click” with. Don’t worry about what people think, there is a friend out there for everyone.

2. Think Positively - Positive visualization and self-talk can help you feel less nervous about getting out and meeting new people. Imagine your encounters going well, and talk to yourself in an encouraging way, even if you mess up occasionally. 

3. Don't Be Afraid to Make the First Move- Don't wait for others to initiate a conversation. Often times they are looking for a friend too! Start with a smile and say hello. Introduce yourself and ask them their name. Have some "safe topics" ready to ask them about. For example, "How do you like the Science labs this year?" "Are you going to join any clubs this year?" "What did you think about the homework/project last night?" Show them you are interested in getting to know them better by asking genuine questions about their hobbies, interests, activities in/out of school, family etc..

4. Get involved in school, neighborhood and community by joining different clubs & extracurricular activities. It is easy to make friends with peers with similar interests, values and hobbies.

5. Have Fun & Act Friendly - Smile, laugh and have fun. Everyone wants to be around someone who is fun and energetic!!

Keeping Friends 

1. Be a Good Listener - Let your new friends know that you care about them by listening actively when they talk to you. Give them your full attention, for example. Don’t interrupt while they talk but face them, keep eye contact, and even ask questions about what they think and feel. Try to understand their experiences by stepping into their shoes.

2. Have a Positive Attitude - People want to spend time with others who are positive and uplifting. Get into the habit of looking for the good side of every situation and every person you come across. If you are prone to complaining, tone it down, especially in the early stages of a friendship.

3. Take it Slow - Let your friendships develop naturally over time. Don’t try to force closeness – you can’t become someone’s best friend in a week. Enjoy the time you spend with your new friends without becoming clingy or needy.