Conventions of Composition Rule 16 Practice

1. Wrong: I bought and you're not going to believe the great deal I got a new truck.

Better: I bought--and you're not going to believe the great deal I got--a new truck.

Also better: I bought (and you're not going to believe the great deal I got) a new truck.

Also better: I got an unbelievable deal on a new truck.

Explanation: The clause in the middle of the sentence isn't essential to understanding the main clause, which would be hard to find without setting the dependent clause off as inessential.

2. Wrong: She swam swimming provides an amazing full-body workout to and from work each day.

Better: She swam (Swimming provides an amazing full-body workout.) to and from work each day.

Also better: Getting an amazing full-body workout, she swam to and from work each day.

Explanation: Not only is the clause in the middle of this sentence its own complete sentence, but it also detracts from the reader's understanding of the independent clause.

3. Wrong: By the time the bonfire started to smolder ten hours after most people had already left the event, we were tired.

Better: By the time the bonfire started to smolder (ten hours after most people had already left the event), we were tired.

Explanation: "Ten hours after most people had already left the event" provides inessential information as an aside.

4. Wrong: Skaters do you wear figure or hockey skates usually love when black ice covers the lake.

Better: Skaters--Do you wear figure or hockey skates?--usually love when black ice covers the lake.

Explanation: The question serves as an aside or interruption, so should be separated from the main clause.