Amanda Schoonover

i try not to think about you thinking about me

how much easier would it have been

if i had never formed an opinion of you

for then

i would be spared from knowing

that you did the same with me

reinvention

isn’t it exhausting

having to reconstruct yourself so often

into the shape that is most appealing to everyone around you

breaking down the parts that aren’t digestible

coming out with only the pieces they’ve deemed respectable intact

leaving shreds of yourself behind with every step

Shedding the parts that make them uncomfortable

taking the scraps that are now unrecognizable

and quilting them together into a new pattern that you hope they find more acceptable

and then waiting until they leave so that you can try to reinvent yourself for them again

and again and again

staples

and i can’t help but wonder

how we could spend all that time

stapling ourselves back together

but only some of us

get the privilege

of living without the fear

of being torn apart again