Have you ever locked eyes with a friend and immediately knew something was wrong?

That happened to me today.

Today, I waved at my friend from across a restaurant, offering a sincere, warm smile, excited that we both got to take a break from working alone in our work-from-home jobs, when I noticed she was waving, but not smiling back.

As I sat down, I confirmed my suspicions as she began to share her sense of overwhelm with me. I noticed her fighting to hold back the tears as she told me incident after incident that was weighing on her heart and she apologized to me for showing such deep emotion.

Why do we do that? Why do we apologize?

Why do we associate strong emotions with weakness or shame?

I know I have.

When I was a little girl, one of my most memorable moments was when my mother held me as I wept, sobbed, and wiped out the snots (yes, snots) out of my face as she repeated the phrase, “Sueltalo. Desahógate mi’jita. Desahógate”.

I love that phrase in times of trouble.

“Desahogate” is a spanish word that comes from the verb “ahogar”, which means “to drown”. “Desahogar” could translate to the action of “undrowing” yourself, and let me tell you, when you have so much “emotional flood damage” that has been building up for a while, it serves us damn well to open the flood gates and let all the waterworks out. Why is this phrase and dramatic moment in my life one of my favorites?

I think it’s because it is when I first felt fully seen, fully held, and fully loved.

No shame, no judgment, no questions.

If that isn’t what real love is, I don’t know what is.