April Fools Fun

Senioritis Outbreak:

The community is aghast as every senior in the 2025 graduating class has tested positive for senioritis. 

This highly contagious disease seems to only affect seniors during the second semester of the year. “We have had a few cases throughout the years, but never the whole class,” Principle Ms. Curaclmore stated. 

The teachers at Prhs are most concerned about this outbreak, as all the seniors have started to blankly stare ahead and there seems to be no way to communicate with them. 

“I was trying to teach the kids how to read a two paragraph essay and I looked up and almost all the seniors were doing the most despicable thing: sleeping,” Mrs. Albuquerque said. 

Parents also seem to be heavily concerned about this pandemic as their kids won’t even get out of bed and go to school. “I don’t know if I should be more worried about the missing assignments or the absences from my kid,” said Mr. Virulance, father of one of the first infected seniors. 

For the remainder of this semester, the nurse Mr. Panderic is going to work tirelessly to ensure that all the seniors are healed enough to finish the missing assignments and be able to walk across the graduation stage. 

Although this epidemic has been a terrible situation for the 2025 class, researchers are working diligently to try and prevent this outbreak from occurring again in the second semester next year for the class of 2026. 

• Zoe Reynolds 

 New Phone Policy Has Everyone in a Frenzy:

Teachers all around the school have been frustrated that the students have been on their phones during class. As a result, a new policy has been passed that will require the student to forfeit their phone for a week on the first offense and a whole semester on the second offense.

The policy came about after the 100th phone was confiscated in a week. 

“We started this policy because we were in threat of being shut down for less learning,” Principal Big Mac Attack said.

Parents were contacted about the new policy and they agree with the new policy, “ I'm tired of getting emails from the principal about my kid being on his phone, I'm glad that the school is actually doing something about this. Maybe my son will talk to me more now.”

Students across the building, however,  are very, very angry about the new policy.

  “ The teacher can’t take my phone, it's my property, they don’t have the right to take it,” Johnny Micheal complained.

         “Now I can't make a daily Insta post since my phone is gone; it's not fair,” Ida Influencer protested.

Despite student concerns, the policy is in effect and 20 phones have been taken so far in this first week.

• Jarrett Patch

An Underdog Story at its Best:

PrHS Baseball Player Jarred Snatch shocked the community this week when he was recruited to play for Florida State.

Senior Snatch has been playing baseball for a while now and has been on the incline since he started. (I) have had the honor of playing with Jarred since my sixth-grade year. “ It was something special… you could tell that he was always under the radar,” a fellow teammate said.

Finally it happened: in a game against West Rutland. Jarred had seven strikeouts, went five innings, and didn’t allow a run, a walk, or a hit batter, and only allowed two hits in a dominating showing. But that's not all; Jarred went three for four, hitting two doubles and hitting a bomb into the left field seats. To top Jarred’s dreamlike day, there were baseball scouts at the game.

Five scouts came up to Jarred after the game, and Jarred had to make a hard decision. Two weeks later, after sitting down and thinking every situation through, he committed to a college. Florida State is lucky to have Jarred Snatch as a player and teammate. “We saw a lot out of him in that game… his game is what we need; he doesn’t only show his talent, but he makes his teammates better as well,” Florida State Coach Bentley said.  

• Roy Gee