Principal Thoughts

Welcome to my blog page! This is where I will share my thoughts on topics around education and child development.

Moving Away From a Rewards-Based System

July 31, 2025

As GCSD has began incorporating Restorative Practices and learning about Trauma-Informed Practices, I began to notice an issue with practices already in place in our elementary school. Most notably, our PBIS process. PBIS stands for Positive Behavior Interventions and Systems. The purpose behind a PBIS approach is to clearly identify student expectations across the school (both behaviorally and academically) and reward students for meeting those expectations. Most PBIS schools utilize an acronym associated with the school to list those expectations and make them easy for students to remember. As the Eagles our acronym was SOAR: Safe, On-Task, Always Caring, and Ready to Grow. While I appreciate clearly defined expectations (creating a sense of safety for students knowing what they need to do) I noticed a lack of nuance. Love and Logic and Restorative Practices both emphasize the individual nature of behaviors and circumstances. Trauma-Informed Practices emphasize student history and the relation to trauma and behavior. A prescribed set of rules do not account for background information or allow students an opportunity to repair any harms caused. They also do not include student voice or ownership over the process. With Love and Logic and Restorative Practices, we want less blanket rules and more opportunity for natural consequences with student direction on how to be accountable for their actions. We also want students to learn from their mistakes by experiencing true accountability, not by missing out on a potential reward.

When we began our PBIS implementation students would receive "eggs" for demonstrating SOAR behaviors. If the class received enough eggs, they received a feather. With enough feathers, they received an eagle, and once the school earned 20 eagles, we had a schoolwide celebration. When I became principal, I shifted our PBIS approach to more individual rewards. My thought behind this transition was I noticed many students earning the majority of the eggs. The students earning the eggs were buying into the process but the students not earning eggs were checking out. My hope was that in making them individual rewards, all students would be motivated to earn points. I moved away from the eggs and feathers system to ClassDojo, which was easy to monitor (through a computer based system) and gave students individual profiles. Students earned dojo points and exchanged those points for rewards in a store run by Student Council. My shift to ClassDojo addressed one of my concerns but created another. I noticed more students motivated to earn points (different from the students unmotivated to earn eggs) but this also moved away from the communal aspect of the eggs and feathers system. Before, everyone participated in the reward and the school came together as a whole. With ClassDojo students earned individual rewards and the process became too individualistic. Also, increasing with the ClassDojo system, I began noticing an alarming trend amongst the students. Students started to voice to me how they would only meet an expectation if they received an award. At first this was for more complicated academic tasks, but it slowly progressed to simple expectations, such as lining up for lunch. Student defiance and the expectation to be rewarded for everything rose together.

As I watched this trend, I began to think about the students in general. As we know, Generation Alpha has experienced a childhood like no other. Their formative years were spent at home in isolation from the COVID-19 pandemic and they were born in a flourishing age of technology and social media. These children have a personally curated environment around them- from Netflix and Disney+, with endless options at their fingertips, to social media algorithms that only produce content aligning to thier interests. In a world tailored to you, an individualistic, rewards-based program is not the best approach.

Last school year I found the book "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn. This book was written in the early 1990's but the topics addressed are extremely relevant today. Kohn addressed how motivating children through a carrot-and-stick approach (rewards and punishments) not only makes them reliant on rewards, but it also kills intrinsic motivation, passion, and interest. Kohn made an interesting observation about the correlation to getting paid for a task and completing a task out of interest. Once you are paid for the task, it becomes a job, and the interest fades away. While the interest fades away, the quality of the task and the motivation to complete the task fade as well.

For students, getting rewarded for completing their work, lining up for lunch, or raising their hand makes school their job, and with that the joy, exploration, and creativity of school become deluded and the annoyance of task management increase. So I thought to myself, how can we shift from rewarding students for meeting expectations at school to creating a culture where expectations are met and the curiosity, discovery, and joy of school is fostered?

In contemplating this shift, I thought about what the students are missing: a sense of community. As I noted above, I appreciated the communal aspect of the school-wide celebrations in the eggs and feathers system. While I understand the idea of earning the privilege, I also don't want students to feel like this is a job and suck the joy from the experience. Instead I want to incorporate fun, community based activities that are just part of our school culture.

I want kids to learn that school is exciting. That learning is fun and discovering new information is a thrilling adventure. If they can practice discovering their interests and be captivated by curiosity, they will become lifelong learners. To do this, they don't need to be rewarded but guided. They also need to know they are part of a larger community that believes in these principles. This doesn't kill accountability or lessen expectations. Students need to know they are here for a reason- to learn, and they should hold themselves to high standards. It is easier to rise to the occasion when you are motivated, and completing assignments rooted in interest is more motivating than compliance- especially if you are more interested in the reward than the product itself.

Are We Doing Too Much For Our Kids?

January 13, 2025

Over the holiday break I began reading an intriguing book that made think long and hard about how to best support students and foster independence. The book is titled The Coddling of the American Mind by Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff. Dr. Haidt is a professor teaching social psychology at New York University's Stern School of Business and Lukianoff is the president of the FIRE (Foundation of Individual Rights and Expression) foundation and has a background as a psychologist focusing on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Haidt and Lukianoff began to notice around 2013 how college freshman had different needs than previous generations. These students were more sensitive to what they deemed to be offensive material, speech, or conduct, more riddled with mental health issues, and less resilient (especially when struggling academically) than college freshman they had encountered for decades. Haidt and Lukianoff began to wonder: have good intentions created negative results?

As I was reading The Coddling of the American Mind, I was struck by the passages regarding early childhood and elementary school. Haidt and Lukianoff note how children today are far more supervised than children of previous generations. Children experience less unstructured play, less time unsupervised from adults, and jam packed, detailed schedules. Without the ability to interact with their peers absent a watchful adult, children are struggling with conflict management; the watchful adult can step in and mediate fights. Without unstructured play, students do not know how to be bored or use their imagination; the world is always engaging and tailored to their interests. With detailed schedules, children do not have down time; they live in a fast paced, go-go-go world. Parents today are also more responsive to children's discomfort, stepping in to "save" them from adversity. Children have less opportunity to sit and struggle with an issue, problem solve on their own, or deal with uncomfortable anxiety. Through this responsiveness, children are not experiencing failure or the consequences of their mistakes. When they do encounter adversity, they do not know how to handle it.

As I have continued with the Neurosequential Model for Education training (see post below) , I was also struck by an explanation of the Stress Response System. Everyone has a different Stress Response System as a result of genetics or environmental factors. Some people are born with heartier or more resilient systems, while others are more sensitive or vulnerable. Regardless of the resilience of your Stress Response Systems at birth, everyone can strengthen their systems to become more tolerant to adversity. This allows people to remain calm when encountering an anxious or distressing situation. In order to build tolerance to your Stress Response System, you have to encounter low-moderate, predictable stress over a long period of time. When we see children erupt or meltdown from what we perceive as a minor inconvenience, it is due to their sensitized Stress Response System. These children haven't experienced enough stress to know how to tolerate it. They need to experience stress. We just have to make sure it is predictable and safe.

I also found another article that caught my interest over holiday break. The article was titled "No You Don't Get an 'A' for Effort" by University of Pennsylvania professor of organizational psychology, Dr. Adam Grant. Dr. Grant found that increasingly more of his students have demanded "A" grades from him due to the amount of effort they put into his course. In their minds, effort determines a grade more than achievement, and if they try hard enough, a "B" is an injustice.

Dr. Carol Dweck is a professor at Stanford University who changed the education world when she wrote the book "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" in 2006. In her book, Dr. Dweck wrote about the importance of a "growth mindset" compared to a "fixed mindset". When we get frustrated and give up when not understanding a concept, we are demonstrating a fixed mindset. "I am just not good at math. I will never get this." We believe our capabilities are fixed in place and we can't improve. On the contrary, if we persevere through challenges, we are demonstrating a growth mindset. "I can't do this yet, but I will be able to with practice." We believe our capabilities are malleable and we can improve. Dr. Dweck speaks about shifting students mindsets by praising effort over achievement. When students notice the effort they put forth is celebrated, they will be willing to challenge themselves and not shut down when they struggle.

Embracing a growth mindset has been a monumental culture shift for schools and has been a positive motivator for students who struggle facing adversity. It does not, however, replace achievement. Dr. Grant's students came from a "growth mindset" education, where they perceived effort is everything. If I try, I will succeed, and if I don't, something is wrong. It is important for students to understand effort is essential for improving but it does not guarantee success. We simply cannot have everything we wish for in life simply because we tried hard to achieve it. How can we help students in this conundrum? We need to be realistic about the world. Children cannot always get what will make them happy. If they lose in competition, it is ok for them to experience the frustration of defeat. If they do not achieve the grade they wanted (even though they worked hard for it), it is ok to not always get straight A's. If we feel uncomfortable and anxious, it's ok to sit with that anxiety until it passes. We need children to understand they aren't entitled to what they want or what makes them feel better and the world doesn't owe them anything. Persevering and mastering a challenge is satisfying because we have experienced failure.

So what can we do to help children? How do we help foster independence, build resilience, and prepare the next generation for modern day society? We need to trust our children to do the hard things on their own. We can support them, guide them, and console them but ultimately they have to experience all those feelings. They will be thankful they did.

The Neurosequential Model for Education

November 5, 2024

Over the next eleven months I will be completing a 110 hour trainer program in the Neurosequentail Model for Eduacation. This model, adapted by Dr. Bruce Perry, teaches educators about brain science and how the brain develops sequentially (from the bottom to the top, and from the inside out). The purpose of this program is to educate teachers on brain development to help them understand student behaviors, emotions, and regulation. This program was initially created to support students with traumatic backgrounds as trauma impacted children have undeveloped areas of their brains caused by the traumatic experiences. Dr. Perry is both a child psychologist and doctor of neurology. He worked closely with children who experienced horrific trauma and began scanning images of their brains to learn the damaging effects of the experiences. After continuing this work for decades, he began to develop the neurosequential model of the brain, which is the process for how the brain develops. Through his reseach, Dr. Perry learned that the brainstem first develops, followed by the diencephalon (or midbrain), limbic system, and finally the cortex. The cortex is the part of our brain that makes us uniquely human. This is where we think critically, control our impulses, learn how to read and solve math problems, and develop empathy. In order for our cortex to function properly, the three lower areas of the brain have to be developed and activated.

The brain develops in stages starting in utero and finishing in our mid to late twenties. As you can see from the diagram to the right, each stage of the brain corresponds to different functions. The brainstem controls our heart rate, blood pressure, and our stress response systems (fight, flight or freeze). The brainstem is also where our neurotransmitters fire signals to the remaining areas of the brain. These neurotransmitters include dopamine, which is the reward system of our brain, serotonin, which helps with regulation, and norepinephrine, which dictates our stress response systems. When our neurotransmitters are underdeveloped, we can exhibit more dopamine seeking behaviors to help keep our brain and body in balance. For students this can look like overeating (especially salty and sweet snacks) or even lying or stealing. After the brainstem comes the diencephalon or midbrain which develops our fine and gross motor skills. Children with underdeveloped midbrains struggle with coordination and cross-body movements. Next comes the limbic system which controls our emotions and emotional regulation. Finally the cortex is developed, which is how we think critically, analyze, and empathize.

For students to learn, they need their cortex's activated. That means they have to be in a calm, and predictable environment (to help activate their brainstem), have their sensory input needs met (to help activate their diencephalon), and engage in friendly, safe, and regulated conversation (to help activate their limbic system). If any of these systems are dysregulated that system is shut off and cannot function. For teachers, the type of dysregulated behavior a student exhibits highlights which system of their brain is shut off. This helps teachers intervene in a way to help co-regulate the student and activate that system. For example, a student may have a super elevated heart rate and be hyperaroused. A way to calm the nervous system is to "shock" it by eating something minty or spicy, like a hot tamale. A student may be rolling on the ground and need sensory input to help activate their diencephalon, so they can use the sensory path in the hallway or do heavy lifting. Understanding the function of their behaviors gives teachers better tools for managing regulation.

As I continue the Neurosequential Model for Education training program, I will be teaching the teachers about best practices to help support student regulation and I will add posts to this page! If you are curious about the NME approach, I would recommend the book What Happened to You co-written by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey.

Common Core Math- Why the Change?

August 26, 2024

A valuable, and sometimes maddening, role of a parent, especially in elementary school, is helping your child with homework. As many parents know this can be an enjoyable process in the primary years and quickly become a frustrating battle. As the content becomes more difficult and the length and rigor of the assignments grow, students and parents often reach a stalemate accompanied by tears and shutting down. Now add in Common Core Mathematics, or “New Math” as it is often colloquially referred to in the news and social media. Parents of children in the upper elementary grades across the country have struggled to decipher this new way of presenting mathematical concepts, often leaving them confounded: Why would you change math? The way I learned math still works for me and it is so much more efficient! So, what is this approach often referred to as Common Core Mathematics and why the change?

To begin, it is important to understand “Common Core” in general. Common Core State Standards are K-12 academic standards for Mathematics and English Language Arts/ Literacy (ELA) adopted by 41 states, the District of Columbia, four territories, and the Department of Defense Education Activity (DoDEA). According the Common Core State Standards Initiative website, the standards are research- and evidence-based; clear, understandable, and consistent; aligned with college and career expectations; based on rigorous content and application of knowledge through higher-order thinking skills; built upon the strengths and lessons of current state standards, and informed by other top performing countries in order to prepare all students for success in our global economy and society. They were developed in collaboration with K-12 teachers through a process beginning in 2007, with states adopting in 2010. Colorado adopted the Common Core State Standards August 2, 2010.

The controversy for many parents around Common Core centers on the Mathematics standards. While the standards themselves are straightforward, developmentally appropriate, and intuitive for parents to understand (such as CCSS.Math.Content.4.NBT.B.5- Multiply a whole number of up to four digits by a one-digit whole number, and multiply two two-digit numbers), it is the process students learn these standards that is confusing parents. The “New Math” approach follows a concrete-pictorial-abstract approach. This means students learn the skill first through concrete means, or a physical representation of the concept. For multiplication that would mean physically organizing a set of objects into rows and columns to understand multiplication means repeated addition (4 rows of objects with 4 in each column to represent 4x4, which also means 4+4+4+4). After the physical representation with objects, also referred to as “manipulatives”, students transition into pictorial, which means creating drawings to represent the concept instead of using manipulatives. For basic multiplication this would like like an array, or a picture sorting objects into rows and columns. Finally, once students understand the concept and can create an accurate pictorial representation, they learn the abstract algorithm (4x4=16). This process moves away from rote memorization and provides a detailed, conceptual understanding of the concept.

For basic multiplication, this is pretty straightforward. It can, however, get more confusing when it comes to more complicated multiplication, division, fractions, or learning exponents. For multi-digit multiplication, for example, students learn the concrete method through using base ten blocks (blocks that represent ones, tens, and hundreds) to build an equation vertically and horizontally, and then “complete the rectangle”. A one or unit is a small square. A ten is a rectangle that is ten small squares tall, and a hundred is a large square consisting of ten ten-bars. Students multiply the vertical bars by the horizontal bars knowing a ten bar times a ten bar makes a hundred square and a ten bar by a unit bar makes another ten bar. This allows students to understand what is happening when multiplying by multi-digit numbers. An example is below:

After the concrete representation, students move into a pictorial representation utilizing the area model for multiplication. This separates the numbers by place value and allows students to complete “partial products”. They do this by multiplying each number above by each number on the side. To find the total product, the student adds all partial products together. An example is below:

Once students understand multiplying by place value, they move to the abstract or standard algorithm. This is the process of multiplying by each digit, adding the zero, and adding it altogether.

While this can look cumbersome and be confusing to the untrained eye, this process teaches students what is actually happening when they solve problems. It also gives students multiple pathways to solve problems. I have seen many students solve multiplication problems more accurately and quickly with the area model than the standard algorithm. What I also find amazing with the concrete-pictorial-abstract learning progression is it teaches students the purpose and meaning behind all mathematical concepts. For example with exponents, when a number is squared (e.g 4²) it actually creates a square when you build it with four obejcts horizontal and four objects vertical. Also, when a number is cubed (e.g. 4³) it actually creates a cube when you build it with 4 horizontal, 4 vertical, and 4 layers. Being a math interventionist before I came a principal, this was revolutionary for me, helping me as a teacher develop the conceptual understanding of mathematics that I never developed as a student myself. Building this conceptual understanding in the primary years also helps to develop conceptual understanding for more complex mathematics in middle and high school as demonstrated from this graphic:

If you are a parent who is struggling to understand this new approach to mathematics, it is ok! When it comes to homework, we are looking for what a student can do independently. If they cannot answer the question on their own, that provides valuable feedback for the teacher. If you are curious about these approaches you can ask the teacher, ask me, or even look it up online. It really is interesting to learn! Below are other conceptual approaches to mathematical concepts you may find interesting including multiplying/dividing by fractions and long division:

The Importance of Attendance

May 2, 2024

A striking phenomenon has taken place in school districts across the country since the inception of the COVID-19 pandemic. From elementary to high school, rural to urban school districts, and affluent to poor communities, school districts have seen a signficant increase in student absenteeism. In their article, "Why School Absences Have ‘Exploded’ Almost Everywhere", Sarah Mervosh and Francesca Paris of the New York Times note an estimated 26 percent of public school students were considered "chronically absent" last school year, which is an increase from 15 percent recorded before the pandemic. A student is labeled chronically absent when they miss about 10% of the school year, which typically consists of about 18 school days, or 16 school days with GCSD's 4 day school weeks. They note the rise in absenteeism is due to many factors. Parents are increasingly keeping children home when sick, which is typically ideal. Before the pandemic school norms were for students to come to school unless with a fever, vomiting, diarrhea, or a diagnosed virus. The trend has shifted to students missing school for minor health concerns such as common colds, headaches, or congestion. With the wide range of germs present in a public school, it is common for students to have minor health concerns (which traditionally have not warranted missing school). Treating each cold or runny nose as a reason to stay home can quickly escalate to a significant amount of absences.

Another factor leading to increased absenteeism is a rise in student anxiety paired with more adults working remotely. During the remote learning period, students became used to "school from home" and parents became used to working with their children at home. The push to return to school left many children unsettled and nervous. Like all anxieties, avoidance only exacerbated the issue. Many parents across the country have reported extreme challenges motivating their children to attend school due to anxiety. When children know a parent will be at home and staying home is possible, it can be even more difficult for a parent to force them to school.

The final factor leading to an increase in absenteeism is an eroding of trust between families and school districts. Remote learning was difficult for many families and academic achievement took a big hit. Education also became a focal point in politics, leading to sharp divides between families and school perceptions. Without trust and value placed on education, it can take a back seat leading to further absenteeism.

This rise in absenteeism has a detrimental impact on students both academically and social/emotionally. Students who consistently miss school fall behind on their classwork, become overwhelmed with makeup work, and struggle to keep up with skills and concepts addressed in class. For students who already struggle academically, this loss of direct instruction can lead to a gap in learning that is impossible to overcome. The other impact is social/emotionally. Children learn important routines and social norms from their peers. When missing extended amount of school, children struggle to maintain friendships, understand the procedures and routines of the classroom, and fit in with their peer groups.

As of May 1st, 20 students at GCES (K-5) have either met or exceeded 16 absences meeting that threshold of "chronically absent." This consists of 12% of the student population. There are 33 students who have met or exceeded 14 absences, making them on target to reach 16 absences. This would constitute 20% of the student population. With the national average at 26%, we are getting too close to that number to be comfortable with our current attendance rates.

Interestingly, GCES has an average daily attendance of 91%. Consistently a significant majority of students are attending school on a daily basis. There are, however, students who consistently make up that 9% of absences. Through intentional effort and support, I believe we can reduce that chronically absent number to below 10%, which would also dramatically improve our daily attendance rate. Knowing how punctual attendance can increase student achievement and benefit social/emotional development, attendance needs to be a priority for all Gilpin families.

From Punishment to Consequence: A Subtle Yet Significant Shift

April 1, 2024

Society as we know it post Covid-19 has changed profoundly in every sector; it has immeasurably changed education. Around the world parents and educators are grappling with issues and concerns they hadn't previously faced. Children's social and emotional well-beings are at generational lows. Children's emotional maturities are years behind their physical maturities. Student achievement nationwide is the lowest in decades. According to an October 2023 article from NPR, last years ACT test scores for U.S. students dropped to its lowest level in 30 years. It will take years, maybe decades, to understand the full impact Covid-19 had on our society, but one thing is clear: everything changed and it's not going to change back.

Here at GCES, we are tackling two existential crises simultaneously: lagging achievement and emotional immaturity. Starting in second grade we have students whose educational experience was directly impacted by Covid-19. The pandemic (and remote learning) began when our current second graders were in preschool. Our current third grade students spent half of Kindergarten behind a computer screen. We often take a step back and observe students behavior and note how the behaviors match those of students several years younger. The reality is many of these students are still in the emotional developmental state of a child two or three years younger. The loss of peer interaction froze many students into developmental paralysis. We experience tantrums and emotional outbursts akin to a toddler from students across the elementary school. While this experience can feel unique, it is shared by schools across the nation and even the world. The question becomes- how do we adapt to an educational experience foreign to everyone? The best place to start is to meet the students where they are at- in regards to their academic and emotional development. This requires a mindset shift on the part of educators, administrators, and even parents.

The most significant shift we are currently navigating at GCES is our philosophy around student discipline. For generations discipline was a simple concept: children make mistakes; they are punished for the mistakes they make. The punishment is imposed by an adult authority figure and the child is held accountable through some form of repressive means- loss of privileges, loss of social interaction, or loss of something desired. Often the punishment doesn't relate to the infraction. The purpose of the punishment is to inflict some form of pain on the child to help them understand the error in their ways. The child learns from their mistake by not wanting to repeat the misery of the punishment. The concept of punishment makes logical sense if children consciously made a mistake and can consciously correct that mistake through fear of future punishment. What if the child's behavior was not a concious decision? What if the child acted out through impulse, sensioral overload, or a developmental need not being addressed? If the child "can't help themselves" when making a poor choice, does a punishment address that choice and help the child make better choices in the future? When addressing our current student's behavioral infractions, I believe that is a resounding no. Our role as educators is not to inflict pain on the students, but help guide them to make better decisions in the future. Our role is to teach them how to manage their behaviors, make amends for their wrongdoings, and grow as human beings.

To achieve our mission, we can't be delivering punishments to our students, but consequences. While the terms punishment and consequence tend to be used interchangeably, the difference is profound. Where punishments are based in shame, meant to inflict pain, and controlled top-down by an authority figure, consequences are based in growth, meant to address and change behavior long-term, and are controlled mutually by all participants. Consequences are not permissive or a "free pass" for misconduct. On the contrary, consequences require students to be held accountable. The difference with consequences and punishment? Students truly learn from their mistakes.

Love and Logic focuses heavily on natural consequences. Natural consequences are dictated by the environment in relation to a child's behavior. If a child forgets his coat, he is cold. If a child acts risky on the playground, he runs the risk of hurting himself. If a child procrastinates on studying, he fails the assessment. The consequence has a direct connection to the behavior. The consequence is not imposed on the child by an authority figure. The consequence occurs naturally and the responsibility and ownership fall directly on the child.

Some times we face situations where natural consequences aren't sufficient. A student bullies her classmate, causing the classmate to be ostracized from her peer group. The natural consequence in this situation seems simple: the bully just lost a potential friend. This does not, however, address the concerns of the ostracized classmate. In this situation, the consequence needs to address all parties. Instead of a punishment for the bully, we need the bully to restore the relationship with the classmate. It is the bullies responsibility to restore that relationship but it is our responsibility as the adults to guide both children through the process. We can provide options to help the bully create a restorative plan, but it is ultimately the bully who will do the work to heal the wounds. This may look like sitting down with the classmate, apologizing, and including the classmate in future play. This may look like creating a card for the classmate, painting a picture, or creating something else unique. It is up to the classmate to determine if amends were made and the relationship can continue. Unlike punishments, with this consequence the perpetrator is doing the majority of the critical thinking and the work, not the adult. The victim is addressed and amends are made. Most importantly, the negative event becomes a learning moment for everyone, and the bully has the opportunity to learn and grow from their mistakes.

Our society is evolving, and while this can appear intimidating, it presents a wonderful opportunity. As educators and parents, we can help teach our children critical social and emotional skills that Covid-19 stole away from them. We can create cooperative plans to address misconduct and place the ownership and responsibility back on the students. We can address specific skills that are underdeveloped. We can make sure all students are supported and recognized when unfortunate events occur. We can support students to develop the empathy, resilience, and growth they need to be successful in this world. Most importantly, we can provide our children the opportunity to learn, grow, and be held accountable for their mistakes without fear and intimidation. Our kids need all the support we can offer right now. It is our obligation to meet them where they are at and guide them thoughtfully and empathetically through their educational experience.

The Diagnosis

February 7, 2024

For my initial blog post I wanted to write about a topic near and dear to my heart. For those who don't know my son Finnegan is diagnosed with Fragile X syndrome. Fragile X is a rare syndrome involving the X chromosome. For Fragile X kids the FMRP protein is either underdeveloped or non-existent, which causes a kink in the bottom of the X chromosome. This protein is crucial for brain development as well as neuronal plasticity and muscular development. Boys with Fragile X are more severely impacted than girls because boys have only one X chromosome. With two X chromosomes, Fragile X girls still have one non-impacted X chromosome to generate the FMRP protein. Fragile X presents a host of developmental issues. It is the leading genetic cause of autism. Many Fragile X kids have sensory issues, low muscle tone, and significant intellectual disabilities. My son Finnegan will have a limited IQ overall and need significant support for the rest of his life.

My reason for writing this blog post was to highlight the difficulties of receiving a life-altering diagnosis like Finnegan's. I know so many parents in this school district that have grappled with emotions and heartache like my wife and I. One of the best analogies I've heard about coping with a diagnosis is relating the process to grieving. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The first reality my wife and I (as well as our extended family) experienced was denial. He is developing slower than others but everyone hits milestones on their own time! He's just sensitive; many kids are! We're just not trying hard enough to support him! After the realization came that Finnegan was not reaching milestones, and was actually regressing physically, the anger stage set in (which came out in resentment). Why is it so easy for other families? Some children just pick up these skills naturally. Why do we have to work so hard? Next came the bargaining. Well if we just do this, then something will change. If he just has these supports, everything will get better. Then, the depression. The realization that our lives are forever altered. That the dream we had of our future would not be fulfilled. Finally, acceptance. The process took years for our family but I'm glad to finally be in my current mental state. I can now look at Finnegan in awe of the progress he's made and the incredible, adorable, and beautiful soul that he is. I no longer find myself comparing him to children his age or resenting families for their "easier lives". I have accepted my new life and I absolutely love being his father.

As a teacher, math interventionist, and now principal, I have been a part of many IEP and 504 meetings. I have witnessed first hand parents at all stages of this grieving process. Parents in denial who adamantly deny their child has a learning disability or need additional services. Parents who are angry or bargaining stating we simply aren't doing enough, or if we just add this one extra service their child will catch up. Parents who are depressed grappling with the struggles and adversity their child will likely face. I know the stress these parents go through. I've gone through it myself. If your child has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder), a learning disability, dyslexia, ADHD, or has a medical diagnosis, I understand the frustration, heartache, and absolute helplessness you experience. I feel you and I'm here for you. I want this school to be a safe place where everyone can feel at ease believing we are doing everything in our power to support your children. We won't make you feel guilty, embarrassed, or ashamed of your family situation. If you ever do feel that way, please let me know! All children are welcome to this school and all children have the right to an equitable education. If you are a parent or family member struggling with a diagnosis please reach out to me. I really can empathize with your situation.

Page updated

Report abuse