Mr. Wood in the Woods
Mr. Wood is a second-year teacher at Fall River Junior-Senior High. I don’t think many people know a lot about Mr. Wood. Going into the interview, I have some ideas about what to expect. I expect that he will have a dog. I expect that he will be an outdoor enthusiast, taking hikes, sitting in a hammock. I expect that Mr. Wood is a man who likes to read books while drinking a nice warm coffee on his sofa. I expect that Mr. Wood has a very calm and cozy atmosphere in his house. I expect Mr. Wood to be a very whimsical tree man. Let’s find out if I’m right:
I walked up to him in my second period in his English class. It was a very noisy room, as my classmates were working on a group project. The room smelled like mint because of his air humidifier. The first question I asked was, “What inspired you to start teaching?” I asked this because Mr. Wood seems like a kind soul. I also want to know why he wanted to be a teacher, of all professions: “I’m a fourth generation teacher, so I kinda know the struggle that you’re getting into. One of the things I particularly like about teaching, compared to some other jobs, is that I don’t have to follow the profit motive.” This information was interesting to me because I expected him to say that he was inspired by an adult in his childhood. Mr. Wood remained insistent that he doesn’t care about money, and he really wants to help kids: “My job is to just kind of help kids become better readers and writers, and be a somewhat positive human being for them. I feel like that is a rare type of opportunity to have in our environment when so many things are driven by profit. So working as a teacher means I don’t really have to hail to the profit motive.” It’s not surprising because teachers don’t go into the profession for the money, but Mr. Wood sounded like a preacher bringing the educational gospel. His answers made me like him even more.
I wanted to know what environment he was around while he was studying to be a teacher. He went to Butte College and that they were paying him 13,000 dollars just to be at that college. This is attention catching to me because personally: I have never heard of someone being paid to go to a college. I guess it is possible, but it’s still new. Then Mr. Wood switched to Chico State, where he got his Teaching Credential.
Hobbies? I was correct. Mr. Wood is an outdoor enthusiast hiking like the Tree Man I expected him to be. I expected this because he grew up in a rural part of California, GrassValley, with very beautiful landscapes, a place within an hour’s drive of Auburn, California. I had made an informed guess of his being an outdoorsy man because many people I know who grew up in GrassValley or the Auburn area are people who spend a lot of time outside looking for trees to hug. Mr. Wood also plays the guitar. I found this out because one day, I jokingly said, “You should let me paint your nails, Mr. Wood.” To which he replied, “No. I have to keep them short because I play the guitar.” What a mystical, reading, hiking, playing guitar, tree man Fall River has found. We are lucky to have a young man interested in the future of the nation more than his wallet.
200 Rats & 2,000 Cockroaches: Enough Big Pest Industry!
Two hundred rats, along with two thousand roaches, were arrested today for attempted murder. This war between the rats, roaches, and the pest control companies is getting out of hand. It all started when Ronald’s Rat & Pest Control, Inc. made a new poison. Pests were outraged. The Cockroaches have invaded Ronald’s bedroom, kitchen, walls, and basement, creating strongholds with passwords and armed (pawed) guards. The Rats have chewed Ron’s car’s wiring to ensure that he can not escape. Ron tried, but the rats had hidden inside his glovebox along with all Ron’s unpaid parking tickets. Ron was simply trying to drive to his mother’s funeral (she had recently succumbed to Prion Disease), but he was forced to turn around before he even hit the local 7-11 where he would normally buy a Slushie and a Wizard’s Finger (hot dogs desiccated by the rollers for over seven hours). Now the Rats are making his life even more miserable by calling him names and shredding his newspapers.
Ronald’s Rat & Pest Control, Inc. is one of the main enemies that the rats and cockroaches are up against. Ronald, founder of Ronald’s Rat and Pest Control Inc., said, “I am dumbfounded at these events. I am just doing business. Nothing personal. I am shocked at what this argument between me and the other side has come to. Mostly, I just want them to remove the armed blockade of my bathroom since I can’t even get to the 7-11 any more.”
We have as well interviewed the pests’ side. The pests said, “He is killing our children! We need food! But it’s all poisoned! Ron is clearly not skipping any meals, so what right does he have to say we can’t have a little nibble?”
People are starting to take sides. Most of the “species-ist” townie population is taking Ron’s side. But the little percent that is taking rats’ and roaches’ side are starting riots and have destroyed the local muffin bakery. Efforts at rebuilding have been hampered by aggressive roaches in the wiring.
When will this stop? What will Ron do? Will he keep fighting? So many questions that can’t be answered right now. Ron said he’d be willing to negotiate, but the Rats had a quick reply: “We’re kind of getting used to Ron’s bed.”