Planning our Pleasure

What patterns do you and your partner have when it comes to planning for fun?  Give this exercise a try and see what you learn!

STEP 1. Walk down memory lane for the last 2-3 months and think about locate three or more times when you have decided, together, on how to spend time doing something pleasurable that doesn't require massive planning (like a vacation does!) -- maybe going to a concert, going out to eat, binging on popcorn and movies at home, having a luxurious cuddle, going on a walk, going to a museum, inviting friends to dinner, etc.  

STEP 2. Take some time to name any patterns you notice about your decision-making, without jumping to judgement. For example, does one person tend to initiate these conversations? Are they planned conversations or do things come up spontaneously? Do you have particular words/phrases to clue each other in on how you feel about doing something?  Do the conversations flow easily or are there  sticky points? etc. 

STEP 3.  Find a starting point for a couple dialogue about the emotions that come up as you name and notice particular patterns. Take turns being the speaker, choosing a pattern, and starting off with “When I notice our pattern of [fill in the blank] I feel [fill in emotion(s)] because [fill in the story that arises for you.]  When you are in the listening role, reflect back what your partner is saying until your partner can say “Yeah, you have heard me well.”  Then trade roles and let the second person share their emotions around this or another pattern. 

Submitted by Marsha and Michael Green, 11/2025