The gleaming orb of light was shining on my feathers as I headed back home. Suddenly I spot a familiar individual. 

“HEY! You’re not supposed to be here!” I squawked. 

“Shh! You’re gonna scare the lemmings!” He casually replies. 

“Owliver, I've told you many times that you aren’t allowed to hunt here!” I exclaim. 

“What?! It’s a free tundra dude and anyways a little sharing never hurt anyone,” Owliver shrugs unphased.

“This is my land, look I don’t have time for this. Just get out before this gets nasty!” I growl. 

“Pfft- did someone wake up on the wrong side of the nest?” he chuckles.  

This little- 

I dove. 

The silent tundra immediately erupted into a mix of screeches, squawks and squeals. Owliver stood no chance against me.

“stOp, STop, STOP!” Owliver gasps. I let go of him. “If you don’t want me around you should have just said so!”

I gave him the dirtiest glare, as he painfully rose and flew away. 

“Don’t you ever think of coming back or you won’t live to tell the tale!!” I screech.

It’s almost May and I’m still single. All my friends have many girlfriends, but then there’s little ol’ me. Crushing for the most popular, pretty, funny and cutest vaquita in the gulf of California. I’m out of her league, I’m literally the smallest porpoise here! She’s way older than me too!

“Come on dude! She’s right there. If you don’t gather the courage to ask her out, I’ll mate with her instead. Besides, you’re both around the same age.” Conner says.

“Well…I don’t actually know if she’s around my age and what if she thinks I’m weird? What if I scare her off? What if-” Chad cuts me off

“SO? YOU’RE SO ANNOYING! GOD!” Chad pushes me with his blunt beak, making me bump into her.

OH. MY. GOD. I’M NEAR HER. I HATE YOU CHAD.

“Ah! Excuse me, are you ok?” The prettiest porpoise in the whole world asks.

“Y-e-e-ea! I’m fine! Uh, the name’s Joven! How a-a-a-about you?” I stutter.

Darn, she’s so pretty. I hope she likes me and we become mates. She’s nice, pretty and cool. Wait, do I look weird? This eye contact is ruining my pride.

“My name is Jean! If you're fine, I’ll be going now! Bye!”  She turns to swim away.

SHOOT I’M GOING TO LOSE MY CHANCE TO TELL HER ABOUT MY UNDYING LOVE FOR HER!

“Hey! Wait! I have something to tell you! It’s very important!” I yell.

She turns to look at me, her eyes glowing in the ocean light.

“I LIKE YOU! I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU! MAY I PLEASE BE YOUR MATE?”

My face flashes a bright red and steam comes out of my blowhole.

“Oh! Sorry, I already mated! It’s Chad!”

CHAD? THE CHAD? MY FRIEND CHAD? THE ONE THAT LITERALLY TOLD ME TO GO UP TO HER?

“Well- I mean I can still be your mate. Our pack is dying so we should try mating to make it so there are generations of us to come. Right?” I say

“Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m really busy, I’m expecting an offspring in a few months. Chad and I are very happy too!”

This is the worst day of my life.