Unanswered Questions from a Kinesthetic Learner

I have put off writing this blog post for months. Writing this blog post was tough. I would argue that this was the hardest thing that I have done this semester, and that's not just because I decided to write it during exam week. Now that’s also not to say that grad school is easy, because believe me, it’s not! That’s just to say that as a person that learns and processes the world through a Kinesthetic lens, synthesizing my thoughts and feelings into a succinct and eloquent blog post is difficult. 

We as people have recognized that there are different learning styles: Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, and Reading and Writing. Some even break it down further, now there are multiple tests on the interweb to tell you which category you fall into and which percent of each you are. I am approximately 0% for the Reading and Writing category. Yikes! 

It’s hard not to compare myself with others, especially those who I work so closely with in the cohort. Those who studied English and Linguistics in undergrad, those who already have an advanced degree, those who have their own blog just for fun. It’s tough to feel like everyone is fluent in a language that you don’t quite know how to speak.

Academia lies in the Reading and Writing realm and is full of people who use gigantic flowery words that I don’t understand. Filled with written responses that no matter how much I edit, won’t encapsulate fully what I am trying to articulate. Full of cover letters and hoping that I will get asked for an interview because if they could only hear me talk about (*insert topic here), they could fully understand my passion. This begs the question; am I still a successful theatre practitioner if I never write a book? Can I be a professor if I never write a book? Is physical art enough? I’m not yet sure.

I argue that all students have access needs. Is learning truly accessible to all if we don’t consider the different ways that students learn? Many students have denounced standardized testing, such as the SAT and ACT, as they are not a full and accurate depiction of a student's potential success. Despite this, many universities still request those scores, and many classroom’s grades are based on culminating written examinations. 

As an educator, director, and choreographer, I have been grappling with the fact that not all of my students will learn in the way that I do. I want my facilitation style to shine, but not at the expense of my students. But then again, how do you engage students of all learning styles at once? Is it possible? Again, I’m not yet sure. 

During my undergrad experience, I discovered that I had Congenital Aphantasia- the lack of voluntary visual imagery. As a person lacking my “mind's eye,” I find it difficult to navigate without a map, to recall what people look like or what they were wearing. Basically, when I close my eyes, it’s dark, no counting sheep for me. I think in descriptions rather than pictures or videos playing in my head. For example, when reading a script, I find it difficult to differentiate the characters, as I am unable to picture the story. However, watching a readthrough or staged production illuminates the text. Instead of focusing on tracking people, I can focus on the morals and queries posited. If I can’t physically see something, I can’t “see” it in my mind. 

Discovering that I had Congenital Aphantasia in an acting program that was deeply rooted in visualization exercises, I felt incapable. Acting, which had previously felt so innate, felt impossible. If I wasn’t able to imagine my other during a monologue, would I ever be successful?

 Considering I have made it to grad school, the answer was yes, with some accommodations. My education has been paved by lectures and professors adapting instructions and assignments to fit my learning needs and goals. Allowing me to submit video reflections as opposed to written ones, and allowing students to submit the assignment in a format that best communicates the prompt. Educators who ask my opinion on a project or assignment and actually take it. Educators who ask if there is a different way to describe an activity. 

How do I carry these properties from an academic grade based system to a community based organization? When coursework is only completed in the classroom rather than through at home assignments? How do we adjust the curriculum when we are devising as a collective without eating too much time, or dividing the team into the same groups over and over again?

While many of my questions have yet to be answered, I hope to always be an educator who asks them. 

-Sam Carter 

BFA in Acting 

Second Year MFA