5. All Behaviour is Communication

All behaviour is communication is a key message within our settings. We should not forget this and should apply it to everyone in our community - staff and familiess included. When presented with a clear behavioural response we should take a step back, depersonalise it and ask ‘What is this telling me?' Confusion and concern are to be expected and can subsequently lead to anxiety and related behaviours. We need to recognise this and talk about it.

Even though children may already be known to you, many things may have changed since you last saw them.

James McTaggart, 2020 @JamesEdPsych

How Are You? Emotions Song

Practical ideas

Notice the children's non-verbal language: can you tell if they are feeling anxious or relaxed? Use small world, role play, stories and puppets to find out how they’re feeling and what they’re thinking about. Let them know it’s okay to feel scared or unsure, and try to answer their questions and reassure them in an age appropriate manner. Remember, you do not need to know all the answers, but talking things through can help them feel calmer.
For younger children, give them lots of calming activities. If they show their distress by crying, throwing things or hitting, make sure they get plenty of comfort, they are likely to be scared. Talk to their families - what has happened during the lockdown?
Help the children reconnect with the setting by providing familiar, reassuring routines that help them re-establish their sense of comfort in the setting.
Tell them that it's 'ok to not be ok - you are there to help them.
Babies and older children are likely to go through separation anxiety so be prepared. Put together stories for their families to read to prepare them for coming back and have stories for them to read in your setting too. Be prepared to go slowly and gently.

The Role of the Adult: Learning to Acknowledge Feelings

In this clip, the adult doesn't connect with the child the first time and gets an angry response, but the second time round connects by acknowledging what the child wants, and he can accept being told no.

Connect & Redirect

Re-establishing relationships and routines may be tricky. When children express big emotions we need to listen first, and then repeat back how they are feeling using empathetic non-verbal communication. This will help them to feel heard and become calmer. Once calm you can then redirect them to reflect and problem solve - 'Connect and Redirect' (Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson). You can support children to express these feelings in different ways. This is further extended by the PACE framework below.

Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy (Bomber & Hughes, 2013)

PLAYFULNESS- use humour to deflect, de-escalate and redirect situations. Funny repetitive games can help to regulate an individual or group and create a sense of predictability.

ACCEPTANCE - be non-judgemental, accept people from where they are at. Again, naming what you see can help. ‘I can see you are looking worried’, ‘It must be hard not being at home today’.

CURIOSITY - don’t assume! Ask when you are not sure and if they seem unsure you could ‘wonder aloud’ and see if this elicits a response/ thought, ‘I think you are feeling a bit scared?’

EMPATHY - different from sympathy. Do not say that you know how they feel. Step into the child’s shoes. Ask them what is going on and let them share their thoughts, feelings and experiences. Be there for them.

More information on PACE from Dan Hughes and his Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy

This clip gives some ideas about how to help infants and toddlers talk about their emotions

This is a reminder of how babies express that they are feeling overwhelmed, and how to support them

When people have experienced trauma, bereavement, loss and change they require opportunities and support to help them regulate. Bruce Perry’s Regulate, Relate, then Reason sequence suggests you need to firstly activate the lower part of the brain with relevant activities e.g. rhythmic exercises, breathing, music. When the child feels safer and more able to relate to others we can then think about learning (reasoning).

Regulate, Relate then Reason

Bruce Perry talks about regulate, relate then reason as a sequence of engagement

Naming the different emotions will enable children to get to know them better.

Further Information/Reading:

Gwent Attachment Service has produced a series of slides to help explain trauma

Cumbria has a good resource on Supporting Children's Emotional Wellbeing

Interesting article in the Lancet about "Protecting the psychological health of children through effective communication about COVID-19" May 2020

This is a good website for understanding how best to support children of all ages who have experienced trauma: Safe Hands Thinking Minds

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