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Welcome to the "Preparing for Rocktober: Managing Stress and Preserving Relationships" Optional Asynchronous Module.
You will work through this module by scrolling through this learning space. To expand documents and slide decks that are included, you can click on the gray arrow at the top right corner of each item.
Feel free to focus on the pieces of this module that are most relevant to your topics of interest.
Please complete the Exit Ticket at the end of the module. We will use your submission to track completion.
Please contact datafellows@eddirection.org if help is needed.
Click on the button to the left to open the note-catcher, which is mirrored to follow the content as it is presented on the Learning Space. As you navigate through this module, you are welcome to use this optional tool to capture your notes.
Refer to your note-catcher each time you see this icon.
Session Outcome: This optional asynchronous module will focus on identifying your working style under stress, guide you through how to manage your stress, and introduce the framework to hold a "crucial" conversation.
Success Criteria: More specifically, Data Fellows will be able to:
Identify your working style under stress
Describe the Crucial Conversations Framework
Script a crucial conversation to have in the future
Anticipated time to complete this module: 75 minutes
Part I: Working Style Under Stress
Part I: Working Style Under Stress
Think of a time at work when you had a negative, emotional response to something that was said by a colleague, manager, or direct report due to differing opinions.
Try to choose a time when you were not your best self and the conversation did not go as planned.
Capture your reflections on your Note-Catcher.
Stress Inventory
How we respond to a negative stimulus in the workplace is, in large part, determined by how we react to stress. You may have heard the term "fight or flight." After someone says something that negatively impacts us, we are in a stressful state and therefore our instincts kick in.
Take the Style Under Stress survey to the right to find out if how you respond to stressful situations.
Capture your reflections in your Note-Catcher.
Part II: Trust and Vulnerability
Part II: Trust and Vulnerability
One of the best, proactive measures we can take to "move to the zero" in terms of silence and violence is by building trust on our teams. No matter your position within your district, building trust is something everyone can do. In his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Pat Lencioni says that the number one dysfunction of a team is a lack of trust. Therefore, it's important to work on building trust on our teams so we can achieve our larger mission and goals.
In this video, watch Pat Lencioni discuss the number one dysfunction of a team: lack of trust.
Capture your reflection in your Note-Catcher.
Let's now dive deeper into the idea of building trust through vulnerability. When we have a trusting relationship, we are able to be vulnerable with our team, admit when we are wrong, and move forward together.
Trust and vulnerability are so interconnected that it's hard to say which comes first. Even so, Brené Brown speaks about trust in a tangible way by saying that it is built in small moments over time. She refers to these moments as "marble jar" moments. Click on the link below and you may either watch her talk about "The Anatomy of Trust" in the video or read the transcription.
Then, respond to the reflection questions in your Note-Catcher.
Part III: Crucial Conversations
Part III: Crucial Conversations
You now may be asking yourself, "What happens when communication breaks down with someone I trust?" or "What happens when I experience conflict on my team?" Consider the scenario you reflected on at the beginning of this session. You may not have known it at the time, but you found yourself in what is called a crucial conversation. Part III of this module focuses on what a crucial conversation is, how to prepare for it, and how to hold it without damaging the trusting relationship you've built.
What makes a conversation crucial?
A conversation becomes crucial when it's clear that the stakes are high, emotions run strong, and opinions vary.
We've all been in this position, and when we are, our stress style rears its ugly head. The good news is that if you can work on getting your silence and violence scores close to zero, it is easier to have a conversation without saying something you don't mean. There is also a very clear framework that can be followed, thanks to the book Crucial Conversations.
Before we talk about the framework to hold a crucial conversation, let's talk about how to prepare ourselves (emotionally and physically) for the conversation by talking about The Pool of Shared Meaning, Starting with Heart, and Mastering our Stories.
The Pool of Shared Meaning
“Each of us enters conversations with our own opinions, feelings, theories, and experiences about the topic at hand. This unique combination of thoughts and feelings makes up our personal pool of meaning. This pool not only informs us, but propels our every interaction.”
– Crucial Conversations, p. 24
When we engage in a crucial conversation, we do not share meaning with the other person: remember, a conversation becomes critical when opinions vary.
The most skilled at holding crucial conversations find a way to explain what is in their own pool and invite others to share what is in their individual pool as well. This creates the Pool of Shared Meaning and a safe entrance point (away from silence and violence) into the conversation.
In the scenario you reflected on at the beginning of this module, consider:
What experiences and opinions were in your own individual pool of meaning during the conversation? What was in the other person's pool?
Start with Heart
Often, crucial conversations come up without us being prepared to fully engage. When you start with working on yourself, you can begin to prepare for calm interactions with others that preserve the relationship.
When you are in a crucial conversation, the way to do this is to focus on what you really want: do you want to win the argument or do you want to achieve your common goal?
In the moment, pause and ask yourself: What do I really want? What do I want for the other person? What do I want for the relationship? Then ask yourself: How would I behave if that’s what I really want?
On your RSSP team, for example, you know that the team is working toward one common goal: accelerating student learning through specific, targeted strategies. Reminding ourselves of this often makes it easier to assume the best in our teammates when there is a breakdown in communication and allows us to already have an entry point into the Pool of Shared Meaning.
Master your Stories
Stories are just that: stories. They are not facts, but we often see them as facts. For example, let's say that you just presented your data dashboard to your RSSP team for feedback after hours of grueling work. One team member comments:
"Honestly, I was expecting more based on what you were saying about it last week. I don't even see anything that shows the interim assessment data from the exam the kids took on Friday."
According to Crucial Conversations, there is an immediate step right after we hear something and right before we feel something. That step is when we tell ourselves a story about what we are seeing and hearing. This is when emotional responses can kick in, and we can move quickly to our stress style: silence or violence.
The story I might tell myself, if I'm not careful, is that this person thinks I am not working hard enough, or that I'm letting the team down.
If we can take control of the stories we're telling ourselves, they cannot master us.
Let's consider the example comment above. If this were to happen, we would prepare to enter the crucial conversation in the following way:
Consider the point of entry into the Pool of Shared Meaning:
Recognizing that we both want our team to be successful
Understanding that we both want what's in the best interest of our students
Realizing that we both want a dashboard that accurately determines whether the RSSP team is having an impact on student achievement
Start with Heart:
What do I really want? For students to succeed.
What do I want for the relationship? For us to trust one another, ask each other hard questions, and provide each other feedback, all in the name of accelerating student learning.
How would I behave if that's really what I want? Assume the best in this colleague. Maybe there is something I am missing.
Master my Stories:
Stay in dialogue and refuse to move to silence or violence
Ask myself: what evidence do I have that this person is telling me that I'm not working hard enough?
Part IV: The Framework
Part IV: The Framework
Now that we've considered the power of relationships, the pool of shared meaning, starting with heart, and mastering our stories, it's time to dive into the framework. It follows a simple acronym simply called STATE. Let's take a look at this model and then we will apply it to the situation above.
S
Share the facts:
Start with what you see and hear; be specific
"I noticed that..."
"The two times we talked about this..."
T
Tell your story:
Facts by themselves don't tell the full story; once you've mastered your story, it's necessary to explain why the situation is critical for you to address.
"Here's what I'm beginning to conclude..."
"The story I'm telling myself is..."
A
Ask for their story:
Be humble and open; allow the other party to genuinely share their side and listen as they do.
"How do you see it?"
"What is your view?"
T
Talk tentatively:
Tell your story as a story, not as a fact; allow room for others to share their stories; avoid absolutes and threats.
"In my opinion..."
"I'm wondering if..."
"I don't believe that was your intention, but the impact it had was..."
E
Encourage testing:
Sincerely invite differing opinions; create a safe space for others to share.
"I'd love to hear your perspective on this."
"Do you see it differently?"
"Is there something I'm missing?"
Let's go back and consider the previous situation, where the RSSP teammate provided critical feedback on the Data Fellow's dashboard. Let's also assume that these two people have a relationship built on trust because, remember, that is fundamental. If the Data Fellow were to pause and master their story before responding, the conversation may look like this:
Data Fellow: "I heard you say that you were expecting to see interim assessment data and you were expecting more from the dashboard (S). The story I'm telling myself is that you don't think I'm spending enough time on the dashboard or I'm not working hard enough (T). How do you see it? (A)"
Teammate: "I just want to know where the students are academically to see if there has been any growth since our BOY exams."
Data Fellow: "Ah, I see. I'm wondering if you are aware of the turnaround time for getting the data into the dashboard (T). It takes a lot longer than I initially anticipated because I need to input it manually. I'd love to hear your perspective (E)."
Teammate: "I feel like I have no clue how I'm doing as a coach, because I have no measure of my impact. I would love to be able to know that I'm actually having an impact in this work..."
At this point, the Data Fellow has mastered her story and allowed for vulnerability so conversation can be productive. Together, they created a pool of shared meaning because they both want the same thing: to have a dashboard that accurately measures student outcomes and compares it to the actions of the RSSP team. Now, they can move forward and generate next steps.
Your turn
Now it's your turn to draft a crucial conversation. Before diving right in, think about a time recently when someone has said something that triggered a negative emotional response at work. If you don't have a recent example, you can choose to draft your crucial conversation on the scenario you first reflected on at the beginning of this module.
You can use the space provided in your Note-Catcher to plan your crucial conversation.
Note: this asynchronous module is based in part on the book Crucial Conversations (Patterson, Grenny, McMillian, & Switzler). We highly recommend reading this book to gain more insight into how to have crucial conversations. Effectively using the framework they outline when engaging in high-stakes conversations can have a huge impact on all the relationships in your life!
Module Complete!
Module Complete!
Congratulations on completing the module. Please complete the Exit Ticket form by clicking on the link above. We will use the information you submit to track your completion.
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