Resources for understanding children's social relationships, crushes, and friendships for parents and teachers

Friendship

Friendship: with all its highs and lows, it is an ever-evolving journey that is guided by social learning and the pursuit of companionship. It can look different at each stage of child development, so knowing what's normal can help you, your students, or your child learn how to navigate and build healthy, long-lasting relationships with others along the way.

Tips for Parents and How Children's Friendships Evolve Over Time:

Helping Children Build Healthy Friendships By Dr. Simira Freeman

Crushes and Interest in Others

Crushes or "liking" a peer during childhood and even early childhood is akin to any other dramatic play or childhood re-enactment of social exchanges that children observe in the world around them. These social models may take the form of everything from story books and commercials to cartoons characters in your favorite Disney movies or interactions they have observed between other children, siblings, family members, and even yourself. Whether animated, imagined, or real, all things social are of interest to children and will in one way or another be processed and gradually understood through their play. While it may be surprising to learn of your little one's expressed interest in a peer, their understanding of what it means to "like" someone or have a "crush" on them is rarely ever as sophisticated as an adult's level of understanding. The depths of romantic interests or even physical implications of romantic interest in others is largely absent from their understanding.

However, interest in others is a perfectly normal part of social development amount children.

See the humorous article on childhood crushes "The Value of Childhood Crushes" from the New York Times here.

Tips for Parents

How to Respond When Your Child or Student Tells You They Have a Crush

• Try to avoid over- or under-reacting. Crushes are a normal part of growing up and noticing each other in this way is developmentally typical.

• These feelings can often be fleeting, but may feel real for your youngster, so maintaining neutrality in your responses can help children feel comfortable sharing their feelings with you — without feeling like the stakes of talking about their crush are higher than they should be.

• Clarify what crushes are and what they are not. A crush does not mean you are in love, going to get married to that person, or that the feelings will last forever and ever. A crush just means that you like someone and you enjoy spending time with them.

• Remind your child to be respectful of each others "feelings bubbles" (like personal space bubble). Being pushy or asking each other too many questions about their feelings can make people feel uncomfortable. Feelings are all your own to be shared or kept private.

• While it is normal for children to be curious about who we like to spend time with, who we want to be friends with, and who we may have a crush on, a crush is a personal thing that they get to decide what and if to share.

• Remind them that children and peers will naturally be interested in who likes who. Asking or being curious about that is not a bad thing and it is not in and of itself "mean" to inquire. However, who you have a crush on, if you can a crush, and if you want to share that is all YOUR CHOICE. It's fine if you choose to share, but friends and peers must also respect your decision to keep that information private.

• It is YOUR choice not to share if you don't feel ready to talk about crushes or if you have no interest in crushes at all .

Please see below for links to helpful articles and tips about common interpersonal parent topics:

• Sportsmanship and Competitive Sports, KidsHealth

• School and Family Life Parent Resource Articles, KidsHealth

...More coming soon!