Real-Life Sadness, Stress, & Fears

Resources for parents and teachers for supporting children in response to family changes and crises like divorce, trauma, tragedy, natural disasters or instances of violence.

How to Navigate Difficult Conversations With Children

For Parents and Teachers:

Here are some tips for beginning difficult conversations about challenging topics like violence, loss, tragedy, and natural disasters with young ones:

Always begin with observations and taking a pulse on what they already know (or what they think they know). This can help you gauge how and where to begin the conversation and clear up any misinformation.
Ask about how they are feeling or questions they may have, before going into a lot of unnecessary detail or offering more than they may be ready for or anticipating.
Keep it factual, but limit unnecessary details. Often details that adults may be aware of, may be less helpful or more distressing for children to also be aware of— don't over-share.
Set the emotional tone. This includes non-verbal expressions and body language. Speak in as neutral a tone as feels comfortable for you naturally and be authentic about the range of feelings a child (and/or grown-ups) may be experiencing. Remaining calm and being aware of your own feelings when engaging with your child, can help them regulate their response to the information they are hearing and assure them that it is safe to share or show how they might be feeling with you.
Answer their questions directly and factually.
You don't need to answer every question or provide an answer on the spot when you may not have a solid one to give. It's OK to say, "I don't know" or "I'm not sure yet, but when I know more I will share more with you." Being honest about your uncertainty, while reassuring at the same time, helps to ensure that you have the time to be intentional and thoughtful about your response.
If you are finding that the conversation may be escalating or unsettling to the child (such as if the conversation is stuck or overly focused on specific/distressing details or hypothetical questions that are seemingly adding to anxiety) helping to redirect or re-frame the conversation can be helpful at dialing back when you need to.
Support/empathize with the emotions they express. All feelings are welcome.
Note: it is normal for children to have different emotional reactions to crisis and loss, ranging from indifference to anger, frustration, or sadness. These shifts can be unpredictable and not what would be typical for an adult experiencing the same situation. It is important that children are given room (and permission) to process a range of emotions and express those feelings in a range of developmentally appropriate ways. Adults can be great models for options to do this and models for healthy ways to express their feelings.
Reassure children that they are safe, loved, and cared for. Acknowledging this basic need, can help to provide the foundation for building comfort and developing healthy coping skills.

Loss and Grief

Parent Resources for Talking about the Loss of a Loved One

Sesame Street Parent Resources (child and parent friendly ideas for talking about and processing grief)
Addressing Grief, The National Association of School Psychologists
Helping Your Child Deal with Death, KidsHealth
Excerpt from NASP: Helping Children Cope With Loss, Death, and Grief Tips for Teachers and Parents: Expressions of Grief
Helping Children Cope with Grief and Loss (series of different grief related articles) - National Association of School Psychologists
Helping Children Deal With Grief - Child Mind Institute
Coping with Grief and Loss - Helpguide.org
Picture books and strategies for Children Coping with Loss or Trauma
When a Pet Dies, KidsHealth

For Teachers and Administrators

Addressing Grief: Tips for Teachers and Administrators, The National Association of School Psychologists

Divorce and Separation

Divorce and parental separation can be a stressful time for parents and children. However, it is a common occurrence and a storm that can be weathered with warmth, love, and support.