How to be a good lgbtq+ ally
In her informative piece, Hailie covers the basics of how to show compassion to your LGBTQ+ peers in universal settings.
HOW TO BE A GOOD LGBTQ+ ALLY
By Hailie Hanson
Photo Credit: Shutterstock
Day of Silence
Not only is Pride month coming up this June but, on April 24th, Day of Silence is also coming up. Day of Silence is GLSEN's annual day of action to spread awareness about the effects of the bullying and harassment of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning students. In the United States, students take a day-long vow of silence to symbolically represent the silencing of LGBTQ students.
What Is LGBtQ+?
LGBTQ+ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning/Queer, and the plus stands for all the other sexualities and identities under these umbrella terms. Other less-heard sexualities or identities you might hear are nonbinary, asexual, biromantic, genderfluid, and intersex. Things tend to get more complicated when someone who may not 100% fit a term, like you may think someone who doesn’t identify with their gender is transgender, but they could be pangender or genderfluid. Gender identity and gender expression also vary.
Understanding the LgbTQ+ Community
To be an LGBTQ+ ally, there are some more things you need to know besides what creates the LGBTQ+ community. The first ideal to remember when being an ally is respect. We should always be respectful, of course, but we can tend to inadvertently disrespect them. The second thing to remember when being an ally would be understanding that being LGBTQ+ is not a choice. Under no circumstances does anyone choose this path. The least we can ask for is respect and kindness at the end of the day, no matter what we believe or agree with.
Homophobia
Homophobia is having a prejudice against lesbian, gay, bisexual, asexual, demisexual, androsexual, androromantic, bicurious, biromatic, pansexual, panromantic, polysexual or polyamorous, aromantic, and/or any other sexualities a person may be. Homophobia does not just have to be “I hate gay people” or “Gay people are gross.” It can also be underlying in our everyday conversations. Examples may be obvious sayings like, “OMG, that’s so gay!” This is homophobic because you are using someone’s sexuality as a negative connotation towards something or someone. Another example would be if someone came out to you and you say, “That’s okay, as long as you don’t like me.” This may not come off as homophobic, but it 100% fits the bill. When using this statement, you are saying you are okay with someone’s sexuality-- unless they like you.
TRansphobia
Transphobia is having a prejudice against transgender/transexual, non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, bigender, pangender, intersexual, and/or other identities. Like homophobia, people are unintentionally transphobic towards people. Phrases like, “What are your preferred pronouns?” or “He/she was assigned male/female at birth” are problematic phrases. Asking for someone preferred pronouns is insinuating that they chose that gender/sex. Instead, simply ask, “ What are your pronouns?” Telling people what someone is assigned at birth is problematic for multiple reasons. Not all trans people want to be out, or have people know they are trans because, in some cases, it is dangerous. It is also a past most of them want to leave behind. It is not your job to tell people someone’s identity, unless you are correcting someone on their pronouns or something such. You don’t need to say they are trans, nonbinary, etc.
MicroAgressions
Microaggression is an issue among society, even people who claim themselves to be allies. Microaggression is a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group, such as a racial or ethnic minority. Microaggression that is aimed towards this community is very subtle most of the time. For instance, you may have a friend or family member who says they are supportive, yet may say something like, “You don’t have to shove being gay/trans etc. in everyone’s face” or people may say not to hold hands with your significant other “because young kids don’t need to see that.” Here’s food for thought, if you think your child is too young to see a couple of the same sex, then they are also too young to see a couple of the opposite sex. There is no difference, except for the person’s sexual orientation.
A major problem LGBTQ+ people face is being sexualized. Many people think they cannot teach their children that two people of the same sex are a couple because it “implies” sexual tendencies, rather than two people loving each other like any other couple. LGBTQ+ people are NOT shoving their identities and sexualities in your face. Being LGBTQ+ is so looked down in our society and it is up to us to change that. So next time you see two girls or two guys as a couple, leave them be. They are not harming you. They are doing just what you would with a partner.
WHat to do
To end on a positive note, here are some actions to take so you can be a good ally. If you mess up someone’s pronouns, quickly apologize, thank them, and correct yourself when you continue speaking to them. They won’t be offended you messed up and they will appreciate your efforts. If you are not sure how someone identifies, it is totally okay to ask what their pronouns are. An easy way to learn someone’s pronouns is to look in a mirror and pretend to greet them with their new name and identity until you memorize it. If you do not understand someone’s sexual orientation or identity, respectfully ask them about it. If you see someone being discriminated against for who they are, speak up and make a change. We are the change and we are the future. One spark can make a flame and, if you have enough sparks, together we can light up the world one step at a time, and being a good ally drives our future towards peace and acceptance.
