Talking About Violence

Talking to Children About Violence

Acts of violence, especially those in schools, can confuse and frighten children who may feel unsafe or worry about the well-being of their loved ones. They will often turn to adults for answers and support in how to respond. Parents and school staff can help children feel secure by promoting normalcy and discussing their fears openly.

Reassure Children of Their Safety:

Reaffirm that they are safe, emphasizing the safety of schools. Acknowledge their feelings and explain that it is normal to have various emotions in response to tragedy. Let children express their feelings, help them understand these emotions, and guide them in expressing them in healthy ways.

Create Space for Conversations:

Be available to talk and allow children to guide the discussion with their questions. Be patient, as children and teens may not always feel comfortable sharing their emotions right away. Watch for cues, such as spending time near you while doing chores, or using other outlets like art, music, or play. Younger children might benefit from hands-on activities like drawing or looking through picture books to help them identify and express their feelings.

Keep Explanations Age-Appropriate:

• Early Elementary: Provide brief, simple explanations, assuring them that both their homes and schools are safe, with adults there to protect them. Share examples of school safety, like locked doors, playground supervision, and emergency drills.

• Upper Elementary and Early Middle School: Children in this group may ask more specific questions about safety. Help them distinguish between reality and fantasy and explain the efforts by school and community leaders to maintain a safe environment.

• Upper Middle School and High School: Teens may have strong opinions on the causes of violence and ways to prevent it. Emphasize the role they can play in school safety, such as reporting suspicious behavior or safety concerns, following school protocols, and seeking support when needed.

Review Safety Procedures:

Discuss safety protocols both at school and at home. Encourage children to identify trusted adults they can turn to when feeling unsafe or threatened.

Monitor Emotional Responses:

Be mindful of behavioral changes that might indicate distress, such as shifts in eating or sleeping patterns. While these symptoms usually improve with reassurance, some children may have stronger reactions, especially those with a history of trauma, mental health concerns, or special needs. Seek professional help if needed.

Limit Exposure to Media:

Reduce television coverage of violent events, especially in shared spaces. This content can be unsettling, particularly for younger children. Be mindful of conversations around children, ensuring they aren’t exposed to graphic or hostile discussions that may heighten their anxiety.

Maintain a Routine:

Stick to a regular schedule, which can provide comfort and promote well-being. Ensure children get enough sleep, meals, and exercise. Encourage participation in school activities, but don’t pressure them if they seem overwhelmed.

Key Points to Discuss with Children:

• Schools are safe, with staff working closely with local safety agencies to protect everyone.

• Share specific safety procedures at your school and remind children that everyone plays a part in maintaining safety by reporting concerns.

• Distinguish between reporting and tattling—encourage children to speak up about safety issues.

• Help children understand that while no situation is guaranteed to be safe, the likelihood of harm is very low within their school community.

• Emphasize the importance of maintaining regular activities and enjoying time with family and friends to reduce worry.

• Explain that bad actions may stem from anger, substance abuse, or mental health issues, and that adults work to help those involved.

• Discuss the dangers of weapons, particularly guns, and encourage children to report any knowledge of weapons.

• Teach that violence is never an answer and promote involvement in anti-violence programs, conflict resolution, and emotional support when necessary.

For additional resources on school safety and crisis response, visit the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP) at www.nasponline.org.