Curatorial Rationale

Everyone’s life is very complex but we do not tend to realize it until it is too late. There are things we will never understand because they go beyond our capacity to comprehend the causes and effects. And we will also never realize how much of an impact it has on us. In my exhibition, I am depicting the nature within myself in order to portray my identity to you. I focus on the negative aspects because I want to portray my fears and insecurities. I want to show the viewer the true person that hides behind these built up walls. In my artworks, viewers are able to see the connection and similarities of these often conflicting emotions like anger, disgust, anxiety and heartbreak. In most of my artworks, I use texture, colors and objects as my main media to show symbolism of the different types of pain I have experienced. I want people to focus a lot on this, since I am a secretive person; I want people to look at my artworks as if it were a puzzle. Viewers can find the connection of fears, insecurities and pain between each artwork in order to realize how delicate and light this exhibition, which is also latibule, seems to me.

My artworks were all inspired by the term Alexithymia; a person’s inability to identify or verbally describe his or her feelings. I am showing the way I portray the difficulties I faced during the creation of these artworks that make up who I am. One of my artworks is a series called The Chronicles of Sexual Doubt. In this series I show the complexity of my sexuality. I explore how I am afraid of not the act of sexual intercourse but rather having to be intimate with someone on a more personal level. This artwork is both violent and pleasing to look at because of color and texture, just like in Catharsis, which has color and texture that emphasizes the relief when deep emotions are released. However, Habromania, a work about temporary happiness, physically contradicts both of these artworks because of its expressive brushstrokes and bright colors. The Chronicles of Sexual Doubt, Catharsis and Habromania were made with different purposes but they all explore my negative emotions and memories.

When people enter my exhibition, I want them to feel some sort of belonging with the different compositions being displayed. I want them to feel suffocated but also in peace with the way the artworks move from collage and soft textures, as seen in Whelve, Tacenda and Habromania, towards rougher and harsher textures used in The Chronicles of Sexual Doubt, Catharsis, and Lacuna.

The artworks will be displayed in biographical order from when these fears and insecurities started to develop. First the viewers will first see Palinoia, the smallest artwork which talks about the change in one’s mindset on self esteem; this then leads to Tacenda, the brightest artwork, which is ironic because the work is representing our ignorance to our own beauty. From here the artworks change towards darker tones and deeper textures, showing the increase of pain. Catharsis and Lacuna convey the complexity of my memories and feelings being forced to be visually shown in a physical form. Catharsis shows the build up of emotions being released and receiving relief from. While Lacuna is a memory showing a strong insecurity and the pain that comes with it. The memory is displayed through the subject’s vacant eyes and the melting-like wax to symbolize the way feelings are only temporary. We never really see the true colors of a person until they are forced to come out, which is what I am doing here. I want people to see and accept how dangerous and difficult it was for me to show my feelings and memories through art. At the end, I hope viewers contemplate the harsh and violent complexities of someone’s insecurities and hardships that develop from difficult and traumatic situations.

None of the artworks in this gallery are for sale.

Contact the artist at esmeralda9more@gmail.com