Curatorial Rationale
I have been struggling with my own mental state throughout the years relatively alone. My artworks are all linked by incorporating an aspect of mental illness or an individual's mentality. My sister overall has had an impact on my art making since her health has not been in the best condition which has caused a feeling of helplessness. This has deepened my depression and has drastically affected my emotions and mentality on a daily basis.
In my body of work I have kept an overall style of not incorporating faces or containing distorted faces. Many emotions are displayed facially and through the body and color. The use of colors around the faces as seen in Build up and Rest express further emotions but also leave room for ambiguity. Some of my artworks were created while I was in an emotionally dark place, such as Blank, Breathe and It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian. When creating these pieces I reflected on the sensation I experienced during these dark places, specifically It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian. These different factors allow the audience to incorporate their own emotions when viewing my exhibition.
While creating these artworks I stuck to just simply doing everything by hand on a canvas or giant drawing paper like Blank and Build up. I also explored digital painting, which I got into due to my lack of energy to get out of bed. As a result of this introspection, my artworks became linked to one another through explorations of mental illness in a broad sense. In my digital artworks - Cycle, Deep, and It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian - I created a sense of space in all of the artworks to achieve a lonely atmosphere since throughout my journey with mental illness, I have relatively been dealing with it alone. I also explored digital photography. Beauty Within is a series of photographs of the winter weather, in which many individuals get seasonal depression during this time, but I was set out to find the beauty in this weather. Breathe is a photograph of myself with charcoal all over and gasping for air. This photograph represents the overwhelming feeling experienced with depression. The artworks that I have chosen all connect back to a timeline journey of my mental illnesses and the severity throughout time. Two main artists that have influenced my art making are Joseph Lee and Andi Waskito. Both of these artists have unique art styles which influenced the route I took in creating my artworks.
When viewers enter my exhibition, I want them to discover a growing severity of mental illness as they move from one work to the next. Towards the left I place artworks like Beauty within which is the beginning of this mental illness journey in which represents a time period where seasonal depression peaks and during this time critiques about oneself also increase. The center art piece is Silence, which represents this sense of denial regarding mental illnesses. Silence showcases the point in which I tried to cover up and make excuses for the emotions I was feeling. Towards the right, I place artworks like It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian which depict how severe it can get to the point of eating disorders due to my body dysmorphia. It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian will represent this shift from something mental to becoming something physical. Overall the placement of my artworks depict the journey from what seems to be innocent critiques of oneself and denial can and have led to something you can not go back from, relating to myself. It is difficult to face the truth of what you have done, and through this process of artwork making I have realized how I got to the point I have.
None of the artworks in this gallery are for sale.
Digital Photography, Edited with Adobe Lightroom
dimensions - 30.48x45.72, 91.44x137.16cm
Beauty Within is an assortment of photographs of weather I truly do not enjoy - winter. Using my iPhone camera I captured photos at a park I went to since my childhood. I kept the same cool-warm, orange-blue color scheme in all my photos to heighten both the cold of winter with it’s hidden warmth. I wanted to show the ugly parts of the weather -the dead plants and ice - and photograph them in a way to show it’s beauty.
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Digital painting, Sketchbook app
dimensions - 30.48x45.72cm
Cycle is a visual representation of what it feels like to have depression. When dealing with depression it is extremely difficult to have the energy to get out of bed. Using the Sketchbook App I digitally painted a variety of bland colors a express the lack of excitement for the day. The use of the salt lamp is supposed to represent peace for the day, while the empty spaces represent the distance needed in order to get to this peace.
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Digital photography, Edited with Adobe Lightroom
dimensions - 30.48x45.72cm
Sliding is a photograph of ice, gum wrapper, and a cigarette butt. Using my iPhone camera I captured this photograph after a fire hydrant broke during winter. I had kept a focus on the ice by having the ice cover two thirds of the photograph. I had wanted to express this uncontrol sliding into seasonal depression many individuals, including myself experience. The ice would represent this point of no control sliding and the cigarette butt would represent seasonal depression.
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Digital painting, Sketchbook app
dimensions - 45.72x30.48 cm
Under is a digital painting of an empty ocean representing the feeling of being alone. The angle created by having the rocks, coral, and seaweed lower creates this feeling of falling deeper down. The lack of sea life in the ocean creates this lonely atmosphere which is experienced when dealing with mental illness.
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Acrylic on canvas
dimensions - 76.2x101.6 cm
Silence is an acrylic painting on a canvas to represent the different layers of my mental illness I have tried to cover up. The contrasting tones used are to create emphasis on the female. The female represents myself and the lack of facial features shows this inability to open up about my mental battles to other individuals. The color peeking through under the surface colors symbolizes my mental flaws that are slowly coming into light.
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Acrylic on canvas
dimensions - 30.48 x 60.96 cm
Rest is a visual representation of the battle within one's own mind. The different colors used represent the different kind of thoughts I have experienced with my mental illness. The darker colors surrounded by a black and white acrylic paint mixture represent the dark thoughts, while the lighter colors represent the calm thoughts. The clash of colors next to one another show the switching between these bipolar thoughts.
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Digital painting, Sketchbook app
dimensions - 30.48x45.72 cm
It’s Okay I’m Vegetarian represents the point in my life in which eating disorders took over. The incomplete body shows how skinny I had gotten due to my eating disorders and how my family would comment “I am withering away”. I would use being vegetarian as an excuse to my weight loss. The mix of dark colors in the background represent how I would get dizzy due to my poor health. The closing in motion of the background represents the overwhelming feeling of suffering from body dysmorphia.
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Charcoal on drawing paper
dimensions - 64.77x48.26 cm
Blank is a charcoal drawing representing overthinking to the point of self-destruction. The use of charcoal is to represent how my mind travels all over the place since charcoal is messy and also gets all over the place. To emphasize this travelling of my mind there are harsh lines coming outside of the head. There are handprints surrounding the head to represent my chaotic nature of trying to handle this overthinking tendency in every scenario.
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Digital photography
dimensions - 45.72x30.48 cm
Breathe is a photograph of myself covered in charcoal with my hand grabbing my neck. The charcoal represents the growing dark thoughts and emotions I have experienced to the point it became suffocating. My head being tilted back and hand reaching on my neck shows this urge to get a gasp of air away from these thoughts. The showing of skin represents this vulnerable atmosphere. I had wanted to show this suffocating and vulnerable state caused by depression.
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