The Power of Our Stories

We often take the stories we tell ourselves as truth — stories about who we are, how others see us, or what the future holds.  Yet many of these stories may be filtered through the lens of a dysregulated nervous system. 

Dysregulation happens when the nervous system gets stuck in a survival state (like fight, flight, or shutdown) even when the actual threat has passed. In those moments, it struggles to return to balance, and the body’s protective responses may continue shaping our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

Being in a protective state isn’t always dysregulation. If you’re facing a real danger, those responses can be healthy and adaptive.  Dysregulation happens when the system can’t shift back into safety once the danger has ended.

When we’re anxious, disconnected, or overwhelmed, our minds naturally construct narratives to explain those internal experiences. Understanding the connection between body state and thought patterns offers space to respond thoughtfully rather than react automatically.

What “Story Follows State” Means

Simply put, the way the body feels shapes the story the mind tells.

Polyvagal Theory describes how shifting nervous system states influence  the way we think, feel, and behave. 

The Stories of Our States

Safe & Social: When the system is regulated and connected, stories are often more hopeful, flexible, and relational.

• “I can handle this.”

• “I’m not alone.”

• “I matter.”

Fight/Flight: When the system is mobilized for protection, stories often carry urgency, danger, or blame.

• “Something bad is about to happen.”

• “They’re upset with me — what did I do wrong?”

• “If I don’t get it perfect, everything will fall apart.”

Freeze:  When the system is activated but stuck, both body and mind can feel trapped. 

• “I can’t move.”

• “I’m trapped.”

• “There’s no way out.”

Shutdown/Collapse: When the system shuts down for protection, energy drops, and the body can feel heavy, numb, or far away.  Stories turn inward toward defeat, worthlessness or disconnection.  

• “I’ve failed again.”

• “There’s no point in trying.”

• “I don’t matter.”

These stories feel real, yet they often reflect the body’s state more than the situation itself.  To understand why this happens, it helps to look at how the mind is wired to make sense of our feelings.

Wired for Meaning-Making

The brain’s job is to make meaning. It continuously interprets both internal and external cues to explain what’s happening. Linking what we feel to something outside of us — like a deadline or a tense conversation — can bring a sense of order: “I feel this way because of that.”

And sometimes, external stressors are real contributors. But neuroscience shows that our nervous system strongly colors how we interpret them. In protection, even ordinary events can feel overwhelming or threatening. In regulation, the same events often feel manageable.

Recognizing this gives us space to pause with curiosity, rather than automatically treating every thought as fact.

Why it feels so true

Because this process happens mostly outside of our conscious awareness, the stories shaped by our nervous system can feel unquestionably real: 

• “This is just how things are.”

• “This is the truth about me.”

• “This is who I really am.” 

Sometimes those stories are accurate reflections of real challenges. Other times, they’re amplified or colored by the body’s state. Often, it's a mix of both.

Ways to Support the Nervous System

Instead of focusing solely on difficult thoughts, gently bringing awareness to the body’s state can offer a grounded starting point for reflection and regulation.  

1. Bringing Awareness to the Body Before Engaging Thoughts

Noticing what’s happening in the body first can create space. Questions might include:

• “What’s happening in my body right now?”

• “Is this story coming from fear or disconnection?”

• “Does this feel grounded or reactive?”

Practicing this during calm moments strengthens body-mind connection and helps recognize state-driven stories when stress arises.

2. Supporting the Nervous System First

When in a protective state, thoughts reflect that. Returning to a sense of safety can restore perspective. Helpful actions include:

• Slowing breath, with longer exhales

• Gentle movement (walking, stretching)

• Noticing surroundings (sights, sounds, textures)

• Listening to calming music or nature sounds

• Shifting posture or location

These signal safety to the nervous system, which helps the mind respond rather than react.

3. Gently Noticing the Story Without Fixing It

Rather than arguing with distressing thoughts, noticing them as passing mental events helps create space.  This practice, often called cognitive defusion, might sound like:

• “I’m noticing I'm having the thought that I'm a failure."

• “Ah, there's the I'm not good enough story again."

• With a touch of humor: "Thank you, mind, for trying to protect me — even if this thought isn't very helpful right now."

This reduces emotional intensity and supports discernment.

4. Meeting the Nervous System with Kindness

Feeling ashamed or frustrated about dysregulation is common but unhelpful. These responses are the body’s learned ways of trying to keep you safe.

Kindness might sound like:

• “This is a protective response, not a personal failure.”

• “My system is doing what it learned to do.”

Allowing distress without judgment fosters self-compassion. 

Consider This

What if the story that feels true right now is being shaped, at least in part, by your body’s current state? 

This doesn’t make it meaningless—it means another story can emerge when you’re grounded and connected.  With practice, it becomes possible to notice the state you're in, soothe your nervous system, and open the door to a new story.  

Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or therapy. If you’re experiencing distress, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.