Name It to Tame It: How to Use Words to Calm Your Nervous System
The Power of Naming
Have you ever been so overwhelmed that when someone asks what's wrong, all you can manage is, “I'm just stressed,” “I don't know,” or “I'm fine”? That vague, intense distress is your nervous system signaling overload.
Fortunately, you already possess one of the most powerful tools to calm it down: words
Why Vague Feelings Keep You Stuck
Think of your emotions as separate strands of yarn. When you're overwhelmed, those strands—frustration, worry, sadness, resentment—get tangled into one tight, confusing knot we call “stress.”
In this state, your brain recognizes that something is wrong but can’t access its higher thinking and planning centers. It can only sound a general alert, keeping your system caught in a high-energy, exhausting loop.
Untangling Our Feelings
The way out of the knot isn’t to cut it, but to patiently identify and separate each strand. Naming your emotions—recognizing each distinct feeling—helps the brain organize what’s happening inside.
When a precise name is given to an emotion, activity in the brain shifts. Resources move away from the alarm center—the part that signals danger—and toward t he area responsible for calm thought and decision-making.
By labeling the feeling, you’re sending a direct message to your body:
“This isn’t a crisis. This is frustration. This is disappointment. I can meet this moment.”
That clarity helps the nervous system settle.
3 Steps to Name It and Tame It
Naming emotions builds awareness and gives a sense of agency. Here’s how to begin.
1. Pause and Ground
When a wave of overwhelm rises, pause. This small gap between what you feel and how you respond creates space for the body to remember safety.
You might:
Name five things you can see
Gently press your feet into the floor
Notice one texture or temperature
Grounding isn’t about avoiding the feeling—it’s about giving your system a moment to steady before responding.
2. Move Beyond the Basics
If “stressed,” “sad,” or “mad” don’t quite capture what’s happening, expand your emotional vocabulary. Using an Emotion Wheel can help uncover the subtler layers of feeling.
Instead of:
“I’m just angry.”
Try:
“I feel frustrated and dismissed.”
The more precise the words, the clearer the brain becomes.
3. Connect the Emotion to the Need
Once the feeling is named, ask what it’s trying to tell you. This is where understanding turns into meaningful action.
If the feeling is frustrated and dismissed, it might be asking for a boundary.
If the feeling is isolated, it might be asking for connection.
If the feeling is inadequate, it might be asking for self-compassion.
When language and awareness align, the nervous system receives a clear signal: you are safe, present, and capable of responding with intention.
When to Seek Support
Sometimes the knot feels too tight to untangle alone. Therapy can offer a safe space to slow down, name what’s happening, and explore patterns that may be keeping you stuck.
“The moment you start to name your experience,
you begin to transform it.”
— Dr. Daniel J. Siegel
Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or therapy. If you are experiencing distress, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional.
