Pegasus Literary Magazine

i am a midnight songbird 

i don’t want the night to come

i don’t want to feel that wind again 

the sensations and whispers that only come at night 

i am a midnight songbird 

the sadness only comes at night 

the pain only comes at night 

the sorrow only comes at night 

they always come, they always stay 

she takes those bullets at night 

the girl who takes my burdens 

the songbird that sings her melodies to the moon 

May all the love I have felt and will 

consume my flesh 

so I may evaporate into 

a plume of emotions

and may you inhale me

I wish to be 

the very thing that satisfies 

your oral fixation 

I wish you addicted 

to the idea that you could be 

addicted to me

satisfied yet craving more

A plane of pure emotion

existing as story

of me

memories

of you

outside space  and time

I offer you 

my existence 

my value

Eat of my flesh 

drink of my blood, 

I will give you eternal life

Living exponentially 

as two snakes 

binging and purging -

a bulimic ouroborus

Infinitely eating. 

Repeating the same cycle every week: 

Cleaning counters and taking orders, 

Barely eating more than once a day. 

No life outside of work and school;

I am exhausted. 

Tirelessly walking all-day,

Feet and body aching all the time

6 hours of sleep every night.

No other option than to keep pushing. 

Keep pushing through until enough money is saved,

Pushing until the mortgage is finally paid off

Pushing so the lights and electricity can stay on every month

And adequate dinner is on the table every night without worry 

Keep pushing so insurance will cover the car accident 

So money will cover the clothes without prying every single dollar from the couch.

Being an adult is indescribably strenuous 

But I have to keep pushing. 

You’ve reached this new point.

In what felt

Like a fraction of a second

Who are you now?

I need to know so 

I can weave you back together.

You decide not to fight 

And allow this failure to define you.

Everything that you’ve built 

Keeps slipping through your fingers:

you will destroy yourself.

Did you ever think this day would come

Or that this would be you?

It is beyond my belief

And it is beyond your control

I see your eyes through the glass screen

As they shine like burning embers

You know very well that you are at fault.

You are angry

You have no right to be

You have done this to yourself.

You are not the person I once knew.

The one who 

Inspired me every day.

The one who 

I was so proud of,

And so proud to be.

All of my problems will linger

Until I take the initiative to change.

Don't you wish to be a guillotine -

able to cut the past from the future

with a single drop of the blade?

Death is a silent kiss

it surprises you

without waiting

your reaction, it kisses

without passion. A kiss

without love

loved ones hurt

will be your last 

kiss 

make your body freeze.

My soul is a petty dance.

With movements difficult to control, 

past events are harder to overcome than ever.

Twisting and turning, my signals are unclear.

Wondering if there is even a destination to how

I am expressing my movements.

Neglecting the fact that my mouth is helpless,

I realize that the only way to get out is to dance.

I have my power and you have yours, 

I feel as if I’m a God with all the answers

while not knowing that I am the one who sinned 

without shame.

Continuing this endless cycle of helplessness,

the ongoing damage is shown forever.

The night time sky bestows upon her tears of joy.

The night time stars share stories of light

And hope of a newborn day,

The night time sky blesses us with answers of the almighty:

She sees visions of love,

And visions of a brand new life.

The glowing moon shines bright on her tranquil face,

As the illusive waves crash upon the conical rocks,

The girl sits with her head in the clouds,

And her soul out wandering with the sea,

Side by side with its secrets.

The love she had for him was as grand as it could be,

But the love she had for the sea was as deep as it can possibly be.

Her knight in shining armor took her breath,

Just like the sea took his.

An unforgettable love,

An unforgettable loss.

The sea reminds her of her captivating husband,

But the sea is to blame for his casualty.

A loss so grave,

It wipes her off her feet,

Yet a loss so touching,

She can’t take her eyes off the sea.

Every night,

She walks out to the sea,

she sees him within the curling whitecaps,

And the subtle glimmering of the full moon

Every tide,

Every wave,

Reminds her of his ocean blue eyes,

his pearl white teeth,

his quiet,

Yet cunning soul.

The past is an everyday maelstrom;

it’s constantly circling, ready to drown me 

separating me from my freedom 

making sure it haunts me on the daily. 

As much as I try to swim away from it,

it successfully drowns me in its massive waves. 

Her creeping laugh invades my thoughts;

her cries and screams play with my sanity; 

that night constantly replaying in my head. 

I didn’t mean to leave her behind, 

To be alone with only the company of darkness. 

I was going to go back, but I couldn’t risk my own life for her 

As selfish as that sounds.

I wish I could leave those moments behind to be forgotten, 

but no one can run from what they have done.

I was smacked with a harsh wind of reality, when I realized

My past does not define who I am. 

I must not let it interfere with my future nor my present

As hard as it is, I am stronger than its currents.

Each mistake I repent, I set it free

let it drift in the waters to calm my past.

Love is like a meadow

Vast, beautiful, but still 

Lost feelings swaying like the trees filled. 

Admirable scene, filled with lust and green

Hiding all the brown and rot in between

Love can sometimes be unjust

Just like a meadow surrounded by disgust

But love is still dope

Like a meadow blooming with hope.

The beat picks up as I lay eyes on you

A soft melody plays as we make eye contact 

The cymbals enter the melody; it feels like the start of a beautiful song.

A crescendo swells as our relationship develops 

Whenever we speak, the drumbeat in my heart becomes louder 

The rhythm captivates me as we fall in love

It makes me want to move to the beat of the drum as we fall deeper and deeper into this new connection we’ve formed

In the back of my mind, however, the beat faintly falls out of rhythm

The crescendo picks up as we yell at each other 

The drums becomes louder and louder, angrier and angrier 

The beat goes wild until there’s no harmony anymore

A cacophony of noises with no rhythm 

the sticks clash against cymbals and drums frantically

And suddenly, it stops with the clamor of a broken drum.

Despite this, the sticks click clack, continuing to play despite the hole 

The playing slows to a melodic thrum. 

Where do we go from here? 

How can we move on with this anger for each other? 

I want the melody to stop, I want the time to fix the void 

in my drum, between us.

But I can’t stop the tune that plays as I mourn 

You move stop playing, move on from the song we built together, 

I beat the drum with my hands louder and louder and louder 

But it’s not loud enough for you to hear 

the beat in my heart, the hurt I try to heal.

Born a year apart

Almost twins they say

They call us Irish  

But they ain’t talking ‘bout no St. Patrick’s day.

Enemies at the start 

Brother vs sister at heart

When Big Bro left to chase his dreams

Only we two were left to defend the nest

So buddies we became to conqueror the tree

Together we learned to face any test

My twin and I became and stronger as we

Better friends with each other than with Big B’

Buddies vs bro 

is how this new chapter will go.

nothing more       stay with me

dear everyone, 

i don’t have a name

i’m not worth that level of fame

i’ve lived, loved, and lost

and in the end, my life was the cost

i was more than willing to die

i thought i didn’t deserve to live

i truly believed i was worthless

Please, believe me, you are worth just one more day

and every day after that, even with all the pain

if you just keep trying, keep fighting

i promise, you will smile again

people who knew me wonder

“when did it start?”

they wonder and they wonder

why i stopped my own heart

there are people that need you right now

people that care

a girl sits behind you in homeroom

she’s written 58 letters and notes all in the hopes

that you might read them one day

they never saw the scars on my wrists and my thighs

they never cared enough to ask about the salt that lined my eyes

living was never fun for me, it was never easy

so i simply stopped fighting, my demons defeated me

a boy waits for you in the halls after school

and nobody knows but he’s loved you since the 4th grade

he misses you on the days you’re not around

and he hates more than anything to see you frown

i saw the chance, i took my final bow

i let the curtain fall, swore my final vow

i promised to leave something behind

even as i cut short my own life

please, think about all the people you would leave behind

your sister, your teachers, your friends

think of the look in their eyes when they find all the scars you tried to hide

how they’d wish they only knew

how they’d find any and every way to help you

and to all the other people reading this

think of the tears your father will shed, in your name

think of the hurt your mother will feel, think of her pain

to all the people who will never have to wonder 

if they will be missed

there are countless names and faces

that will miss you every second you’re not around

you know some, but not most

still they’ll wait by the door and wish for you to come home

know that you are the exception, not the rule

know that, even if yours wasn't, life can be cruel

i don’t have enough strength, that's clear

i don’t know what you feel, i might not understand

just listen to me

you have the strength, you’re strong enough

i promise you will survive this pain

you do not have to die in vain

this is the piece of me that i leave behind

this is my legacy, and i will not let it die

what about all the good you can do

only if you’re alive

your best friend from 1st grade is in her kitchen right now

wondering if she should put the knife down

please, go ask “are you alright?”

those three words just might save more than one life

i leave you today

i have nothing more to say

don’t let these be your final words

stay with me, i’m here

i am here

~Grace Jerred Scott

Tombstones stare at me promiscuously

Telling me release resides six-feet deep

Come now child, it's only a little sleep

Leave this onerous purgatory, just take the leap!

Death’s plump lips make many want it’s kiss

Someday, O’Death bestow one upon my lips

For that would be my ultimate gift.

The poison fed to you as a kid,

Leads the world to its demise

You see their eyes,

Wide and bright,

Brought into these deathly lies.

Okay is a word to describe the defeated,

Encased in the web of positivity’s lies,

Entrapped in what is known as “healthy”,

Just a lie to corrupt your mind.

A generation pinned down by desire,

You see it as hearty;

I see it as deadly.

A life based solely on lust, greed, and vanity.

The damage is real

Irreversible for a fact

The souls of a generation sold

For the profits of doom.

I touch my mom’s stomach 

You aren’t there anymore, you already left. 

Screaming and running around the barren hospital room

You lay there, chained in cords

Beaten by the doctor and nurses that swarm you. 

The next day is your funeral 

A candle light flickers across your casket; 

A symbol of should have been

Your death is a burning curse 

The older sister I was supposed to be 

Holds memories of your tenth birthday 

Your kindergarten graduation 

Your running into her arms after school

– Things that never existed. 

Your passing has left me frozen 

A knife handed to me, covered in blood 

Cutting my soul and reminding me of your flame 

I blow out the candle

Holding the ashes in your pendant 

Made with memories of you 

Laying in that incubator 

Chained in cords 

Not even a whimper

While this big sister holds you in her arms 

Squeezes you tight 

And then you’re gone.

you expect a kiss, don’t you.

but are you worthy of such?

to reveal my mind is much more to undo

than a kiss I dread so much

don’t kiss me, first look in my mind 

but how can you explore 

when lengths are taken to make sure you can not find

my mind’s core 

talk 

talk 

talk 

after all this talking why do i feel

unheard? blocked?

I want to bail, 

erase my hippocampus, 

blind neurons created just to remember you.

-forever you are in my mind. 

It’s time we surrendered

this battle. My mind is a hard-won kiss,

But why did you have to miss?

El amor cuando llega 

es hermoso, feliz y distinto.

Al principio todo es abrazos, 

besos y risas.

Después de meses 

se aburren y todo cambio.

Sigue pasando el tiempo 

y todo ese amor 

se terminó poco a poco.

Todos esos besos, abrazos

 y risas se volvieron en 

peleas, gritos y llanto.

Tratan de arreglar las cosas 

pero todo ya era diferente, 

terminaron dañando la relación.

Les hizo falta comunicación

y todo terminó.

Translation:                                                                          

Love, when it comes,

Is beautiful, happy and different.

At first, it is all hugs

Kisses and smiles.

After months, 

They get bored and everything changes

And as time keeps passing

And all of that love

Leaves bit by bit

All those hugs, kisses

And smiles turn into

Fights, shouting & tears.

They try to fix things

But now everything is different

They ended up damaging the relationship

They didn’t know how to communicate

And everything ended.

Translation by Ximena Cruz

“Let’s play a game,” said the teacher

To a classroom filled with phones.

The only rule is you can't have your device.

You can share ideas with each other,

or find them written on your desk;

A stroke of luck is not the same as a cheat.

The tiny girl perked her ears

“Lets play a game” said the teacher

The students rolled their eyes

 the first question was answered 

By a young girl in the back

Heads covering up her pocket search.

“Lysosomes are released when a person cries.”

The tiny girl perked her ears

She knew that.

Moments passed and questions were asked,

Points were floating towards the back

Until the hidden google girl 

Won the prize of classroom snacks.

Despite her cheating herself.

Thirty points of nothing.

The tiny girl perked her ears

She knew the girl was cheating

And that her eighteen points were real

If only she didn’t have google

She’d be smart enough to steal.

The truth, and the trophy.

My father is a flawed songbird.

We go on drives, soaring past delightful  landscapes 

as the chirping of laughter fills the air but 

nothing seems to fill that hole in my heart.

No amount of affection can reverse the trauma burned into my soul.

It does not erase my mother’s tears and 

his tune of unspoken “sorrys” to me late at night.

He never lashed out on us, but flew away for days on end,

arriving the next day with a sweet song and a remorseful melody, seeking repentance.

In the end, all of his efforts to win me back are thrown into a wasteland.

Forgiveness requires letting go of a hook penetrating you from the inside out

It requires finding peace within flawed mistakes;

a silent struggle that claws underneath the surface, 

trying to break out into the air. 

The fragments of myself are scattered on the ground,

begging to be picked up and glued back together.

Slowly, but surely, the dreams that I longed for return home.

The hopes and promises I kept inside were longing to set me free,

send me flying into the air with the birds heading south.

The birds who wish for warmer weather.

As the reporter shares details of the assault

Some ask what was she wearing? why did she think she could…?

They have ears but do not hear

Because apathy is a handed down curse

As the woman is questioned about the bruises 

On her arms, her face, others who have heard 

what she endured ask why didn’t she leave

this cold attitude boiling the blood 

The white dove will not appear as long as

Apathy is a handed down curse

As the parents talk about the recent news

a child wanders through a semi-withered garden

holding a stone heart. What are you talking about?

The parents look at each other, speaking with their eyes.

Empathy could help people understand the victims. 

What was he wearing? Why didn’t he walk away?

The heart of stone slips to a patch of soft green grass

Unless people are taught about empathy,

Apathy is a handed down curse.

My heart is a desperate animal,

the way it craves the immediate

attention, needs a soft caress,

Of a warm hand. The same way 

a stray cat purrs and rubs against 

someone’s leg. The same way baby 

birds chirp and nuzzle their mother.

The same way a dog pouts and whines 

hoping the giant red front door will open

at 4PM. The same way 

A lion creeps on an elephant, eager 

to attack but, every time, 

the elephant gets away.

My heart is a desperate animal,

dying of thirst, left to starve.

Will anyone come and claim my hungry heart?

Feed me with love, drown me in kisses,

Put back my broken parts.  

Will anyone look at me 

in awe and give me their all?

Look into my eyes and ask for a paw? 

Or will I be left to crawl?

My heart is a desperate animal.

I wait and listen for the sound of

your voice, like a bat in a cave

listening to prey from afar.

Can someone come and help?

I need a home. I’m outside.

I need to be held.