Editorial: The VSCO GIrl Epidemic

By Sanvi Bhardwaj, 2020

Published 9/26/19

Cheshire High School has recently become breeding grounds for an infectious disease. Instead of manifesting itself as swelling or a fever, it manifests as stickers on Hydroflasks and owning a pair of Birkenstocks. Cheshire High School has fallen victim to the most dangerous illness of all: the VSCO girl.

The disease took root in the app VSCO, where teenagers, primarily girls, share photos with the rest of the world. Often described as the tumblr girls of 2019, VSCO girls have created an easily identifiable culture that has begun to infiltrate the Cheshire High community.

“It’s a really serious problem. I’m worried that I’ll catch it if I stay in the hallways too long,” says Lavana Gulati (2020), a concerned student. She’s not the only one, as other students have noticed symptoms in their peers.

Scrunchies adorn the wrists of girls walking in the hallways, and Kanken bags are slung loosely on their shoulders. Puka shell necklaces and Pura Vida bracelets are also common accessories. Check for footwear--Birkenstocks, Crocs, or Vans are easily identifiable symptoms. As for clothing, oversized t-shirts or sweatshirts paired with athletic shorts or leggings are telltale signs. If you can’t identify these symptoms, listen for phrases such as “sksksksksksksk” and “and I oop-”--both are common with this disease.

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with VSCO girl, you may be entitled to financial compensation. VSCO girl is a rare disease that may be linked to scrunchie exposure. Please don’t wait, call 1-800 VSCO-GIRL for a free consultation.

Editor’s Note: This is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being true to who you are and wearing or doing what you like; this is just a joke about a trend!