The difference between gayness and stupidity

By Felicia Lentini, 2021

Published 10/20/20

As a high school student, I hear the three and six-letter “f-slur” thrown around all too often. As a queer person, I find that I have the right to reclaim the word when referring to myself, but I would never in good faith use it when referring to something feminine. I also hear the word “gay” used loosely when referring to something that men don’t like or find stupid. That is so damaging to the male psyche.

Men have harder times expressing their emotions often due to toxic masculinity (a cultural concept of manliness that glorifies dominance, and that is harmful to mental health). Men are often viewed as mean because they can pay too much attention to what society perceives as wrong. They do this because they grow up so intensely conditioned to think that there is only one way to be a man. Folks who are able to break from institutionalized toxic masculinity are so brave. They forget about what others think of them, and become themselves, making them happier people.

I do not know what it is like to be a “cis guy” (to be assigned male at birth and identify as male). I have seen too many of my male classmates bullying each other when one of them shows too much emotion or individuality. The term “gay” can and should be used to describes someone who identifies with the term, but should not be used in a derogatory way.

For example, referring to someone as “so gay” when you really meant to say “abnormal” or “stupid” shows the following things; 1, You find gay people abnormal and stupid, 2, you think that your friend is abnormal and stupid, and 3, you do not think that your friend should be expressing themselves the way that they are. What are the benefits of name calling? Guys, check on your bros and tell them that you love them. And if you don’t love your bros or they don’t love you back, find some new ones.