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"Dear Parents/Carers,
I am writing to inform you that I have recently published a new guide, What I wish my parents or carers knew: A guide for parents on managing children’s digital lives.
Supporting children’s safety is a shared responsibility between families, schools and wider society. For parents and carers, this responsibility has become increasingly complex as children’s lives are now deeply intertwined with the digital world. Many parents face difficult decisions about how to balance protecting children from online harm with enabling access to spaces that are now central to learning, socialising and play.
The last time I published a guide like this, The things I wish my parents had known: Young people’s advice on talking to your child about online sexual harassment, in December 2021, it was to help parents and carers navigate difficult conversations about sexual harassment online. This guide is different in scope, in recognition of the complex, rapidly evolving landscape in which children – and parents – are navigating. It focuses on the challenge of managing children’s everyday online habits.
This guide was written with the direct involvement of children in England. It is a reflection of their views. My office visited schools to speak to teenagers, and spoke to my Youth Ambassadors and Youth Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) Panel to get their expertise on what works and what doesn’t work between parents or carers and children in the 21st Century.
When I speak to children about what they would do differently when it comes to being online, with the benefit of hindsight, I ask them: would they give a smartphone to their own teenager? Almost unanimously, they tell me no. They want to be protected from it as long as possible.
As educators and leaders, you play a vital role in supporting parents and carers to navigate these challenges. Responses to my recent school survey show just how concerned school leaders are about their children’s safety online, despite most already taking steps to limit or ban devices from the classroom. Children are clear that they value firm, informed and protective boundaries when adults have concerns about the content they are accessing online.
As parents, carers, and educators, our job must begin and end with our children’s care and safety. It’s what they expect and what they want from you.
As one young person told me: “Don’t be afraid to be firm… If you are worried [that] your child is seeing harmful content and you don’t know what they’re watching and it’s affecting the behaviour, just take it that you know best – they don’t.”
I hope this guide will be a useful resource for your school community, and I encourage you to share it with staff and parents where appropriate.
Yours sincerely,
Dame Rachel de Souza
Dame Rachel de Souza
Children’s Commissioner"
Children’s Commissioner"
Understanding the Struggle – Helping Children Who Can’t Face School
For Information
To be shared with parents and carers of children and young people experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)
Date: Tuesday, 20 January 2026
Time: 6pm to 9pm
Venue: Gateways, Edgeworth Close, London NW4 4HJ
Register: https://pajes.org.uk/training-and-events/understanding-the-struggle/
PaJeS, together with Gateways—the only Jewish alternative educational provider for young people unable to attend mainstream school due to mental health challenges, will be hosting an evening conference focused on Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). EBSA is an increasingly common issue in which children find it difficult to attend school due to anxiety, depression, or emotional distress, often resulting in reduced timetables and extended absences.
The event aims to raise awareness; share lived experiences and provide practical strategies to support children struggling with attendance.
Speakers include:
Carrie Grant – Singer, television presenter, and author of Special Educational Needs and Disability – A Parent’s Perspective. Carrie is a committed advocate for children with SEND and mental health challenges and will share insights from her family’s personal journey and her work with over 150 families of autistic young people.
Adam Friel – Partner & Head of Education Law at Geldards LLP, offering guidance on navigating the education system and understanding legal rights for families.
Ali Kosiner – Child & Adolescent Psychotherapist at Gateways and The Brent Centre for Young People, who will provide expert advice on supporting children whose mental health affects their ability to attend school.
This conference is intended to be a safe and supportive space for parents and carers navigating the complexities of school attendance and emotional wellbeing.
If this is a topic relevant to your family, you are warmly encouraged to register and attend.
Chloe Hand
Assistant Educational Psychologist
Barnet Education and Learning Service
Please see below upcoming workshops from BICs. They may be useful for some of our parents/carers.
These aim to create a space for parents/carers where they can meet other people who may share similar experiences and learn more about supporting their child’s mental health and wellbeing. They are a great way to build on their own strengths for the future.
Our BICS clinicians will deliver content to support gaining further understanding of the topic, as well as strategies to build on to support and reduce mental health difficulties over time. We aim to create a space where we encourage discussion and learning from one another with our families being the ‘experts in the room.’
BICS Family Minds: Understanding and Managing Friendships
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2025
Time: 12noon - 1:30pm
Book via Eventbrite: BICS Family Minds: Understanding and Managing Friendships Tickets
BICS Family Minds: Understanding Emotional Based School Avoidance
Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2026
Time: 12noon - 1:30pm
Book via Eventbrite: BICS Family Minds: Understanding Emotional Based School Avoidance Tickets
BICS Family Minds: Supporting your Child to Manage Difficult Emotions
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 2026
Time: 12noon - 1:30pm
Book via Eventbrite: BICS Family Minds: Supporting your Child to Manage Difficult Emotions Tickets
Emily Haley
Education Welfare and Court’s Officer
Barnet Education & Learning Service
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