TASIC

Things Actually Said in Class

Everything below was actually uttered aloud, willingly, without provocation, by a sixth grader within the walls of my classroom. You have been warned.


  • I simp for dad bods.

  • My favorite marker to sniff every morning is blue.

  • I hid a Lego in my cousin's hotdog as a prank.

  • I just mentally vomited.

  • I got in trouble for playing during someone else's recess.

  • Yo mama is so ugly, she went to a haunted house and came out with a job.

  • A Sega Genesis is a console that accepts plastic things from like 1993.

  • Do you have video of Putin pooting?

  • My dad finally cured a rash he has had for 20 years.

  • Is the past tense of squeeze "squhzz?"

  • My mom feels better about her life when she watches the Kardashians.

  • Holy water is the water that Jesus had spit out his mouth.

  • I don't go to parks anymore. All parks make me puke.

  • I played Mexican baseball yesterday. It's just like regular baseball but the bases are a tortilla, a bowl of beans, and a chancla.

  • *kids wears my sunglasses* So I guess this is what the world looks like when you're short.

  • Mr. Lewis, you look shorter with shorts on.

  • Is the Dalai Lama an actual llama?

  • *points to Egypt* Cool! There's a country called edge up!

  • Mr. Lewis, you'd love this blister on my foot because it looks just like Africa.

  • He tore is hibiscus in his knee.

  • Oh, Kim Jong-Un. The fat dude with the edge up?

  • Welcome back from DC Mr. Lewis! Who won the inauguration?

  • The current monarch of England is Mona Lisa.

  • I want a tattoo of my face on my face.

  • My favorite historical film is called "Major Payne."

  • A man-made strait is called a "straight man."

  • I'm really thirteen but I'm fourteen because that's what I claim.

  • You know, the black Eddie Murphy?!

  • I'm going home to make me a manwich and after that a sandwich.

  • If you could survive in the ocean at least you'd save money on bath salts.

  • Aborigines people's religion is Aussie.

  • Yes, you CAN lock yourself inside a room. I know because I saw it on Scooby Doo.

  • My zodiac sign is vegetarian.

  • Do I have a nickname? Yeah, my dad calls me selfish.

  • People be crunchy when they be deep fried.

  • OMG you can hole punch your hair.

  • No, it's not a coaster, it's one of those little things you put your drink on.

  • Hong Kong? Isn't that a big monkey?

  • *circles three bodies of water on the board* "Okay. These are seas."

    • THOSE ARE Os!

  • I can spell "European," but not "Europe."

  • Mr. Lewis, my dad doesn't like you because you're a man.

  • You drink your coffee black? Oh no, Mr. Lewis. That's way too hot.

  • We were all sniffin' books in reading class today.

  • Is there such a thing as a Jamaican lady?

  • I didn't like Hartz chicken before it was cool.

  • I'm not going to keyboarding! I didn't sign up for that! I hate pianos!

  • Can I go to the nurse? I need some lotion for my feet.

  • Those new things in the urinals smell awesome.

  • Um, hello. The guy plays soccer, he should know how to throw.

  • I can do an impression! It's called "old lady slave."

  • Swiss cheese is real?!

  • I eat barbacoa before I go hunting. You know, because cow head gives you momentum.

  • If two people meet each other in the bathroom it's called a rendezpoo (like rendezvous).

  • Is this a pencil sharpener? *sticks pencil into a desk speaker*

  • This weekend at church camp we got to play leprosy tag!

  • Da-pootie. Da-pootie. Da-pootie? Mr. Lewis, what's this word...

    • ..."That's deputy."

  • I think the Vietnam War was bad because a lot of people died for a long, skinny country.

  • I want to see Kim Jong-Un's fat rolls.

  • "I remember when Gandhi died." -11 year old

  • *sees the Union Jack* Cool! The Def Leppard flag!