TASIC

Things Actually Said in Class

Everything below was actually uttered aloud, willingly, without provocation, by a sixth grader within the walls of my classroom.  You have been warned. 

• My Dad doesn't believe in space.

• He died of cardiac arrest? How can you die from being arrested?!

• Why is your beard so hairy?

• Mr. Lewis, when you were born, did your beard tickle your mother's insides?

• I simp for dad bods.

• My favorite marker to sniff every morning is blue.

• I hid a Lego in my cousin's hotdog as a prank.

• I just mentally vomited.

• I got in trouble for playing during someone else's recess.

• Yo mama is so ugly, she went to a haunted house and came out with a job.

• A Sega Genesis is a console that accepts plastic things from like 1993.

• Do you have video of Putin pooting?

• My dad finally cured a rash he has had for 20 years. 

• Is the past tense of squeeze "squhzz?"

• My mom feels better about her life when she watches the Kardashians.

• Holy water is the water that Jesus had spit out his mouth.

• I don't go to parks anymore. All parks make me puke.

• I played Mexican baseball yesterday. It's just like regular baseball but the bases are a tortilla, a bowl of beans, and a chancla.

• *kids wears my sunglasses* So I guess this is what the world looks like when you're short.

• Mr. Lewis, you look shorter with shorts on.

• Is the Dalai Lama an actual llama?

• *points to Egypt* Cool! There's a country called edge up!

• Mr. Lewis, you'd love this blister on my foot because it looks just like Africa.

• He tore is hibiscus in his knee.

• Oh, Kim Jong-Un. The fat dude with the edge up?

• Welcome back from DC Mr. Lewis! Who won the inauguration?

• The current monarch of England is Mona Lisa.

• I want a tattoo of my face on my face.

• My favorite historical film is called "Major Payne."

• A man-made strait is called a "straight man."

• I'm really thirteen but I'm fourteen because that's what I claim.

• You know, the black Eddie Murphy?!

• I'm going home to make me a manwich and after that a sandwich.

• If you could survive in the ocean at least you'd save money on bath salts.

• Aborigines people's religion is Aussie.

• Yes, you CAN lock yourself inside a room.  I know because I saw it on Scooby Doo.

• My zodiac sign is vegetarian.

• Do I have a nickname? Yeah, my dad calls me selfish.

• People be crunchy when they be deep fried.

• OMG you can hole punch your hair.

• No, it's not a coaster, it's one of those little things you put your drink on.

• Hong Kong? Isn't that a big monkey?

• *circles three bodies of water on the board* "Okay. These are seas."

  • THOSE ARE Os!

• I can spell "European," but not "Europe."

• Mr. Lewis, my dad doesn't like you because you're a man.

• You drink your coffee black?  Oh no, Mr. Lewis.  That's way too hot.

• We were all sniffin' books in reading class today.

• Is there such a thing as a Jamaican lady?

• I didn't like Hartz chicken before it was cool.

• I'm not going to keyboarding!  I didn't sign up for that!  I hate pianos!

• Can I go to the nurse?  I need some lotion for my feet.

• Those new things in the urinals smell awesome.

• Um, hello. The guy plays soccer, he should know how to throw.

• I can do an impression! It's called "old lady slave."

• Swiss cheese is real?!

• I eat barbacoa before I go hunting.  You know, because cow head gives you momentum.

• If two people meet each other in the bathroom it's called a rendezpoo (like rendezvous).

• Is this a pencil sharpener? *sticks pencil into a desk speaker*

• This weekend at church camp we got to play leprosy tag!

• Da-pootie.  Da-pootie.  Da-pootie?  Mr. Lewis, what's this word... 

  • ..."That's deputy."

• I think the Vietnam War was bad because a lot of people died for a long, skinny country.

• I want to see Kim Jong-Un's fat rolls.

• "I remember when Gandhi died." -11 year old

• *sees the Union Jack*  Cool! The Def Leppard flag!