By an anonymous writer

Part 1: “Mondays, or maybe Tuesdays?” 

My computer is at seven percent, and if that isn’t the most relatable thing ever then I give up on life. 

I wanna be the type of person that people see as effortless, in every way I exist and even in the way I will die. As if nothing breaches my barriers but I can breach yours. To look into someone and see everything that is, and everything that isn’t yet to be. Yet they see nothing of me. To have people bowing for me 

Is that what god feels? 

Part 2: How to Hate Yourself 

I’ve scared people by just staring at them 

I’ve made people so uncomfortable that they decidedly rule me out as someone they would ever interact with

adrenaline rush is the only reason I'm still here. Please stop asking me to calm down. 

Part 3: Bad Habits 

I twirl my hair until my scalp bleeds. Endless chips on my nails through tireless biting because when something is perfect then that means it isn’t real. 

People who bite their nails are always so hard on themselves.

It's concerning that there are people out there who see the jagged edges and see the rotted lines and then revel the lies because the foundation under them is cracking but they will never let it just crack 

Despite that, she lives for him 

While my body is rotted because of him 

Part 4: Escapism 

As I sit energetically at 12:00 Am in the morning I draw paintings on my ceiling 

Because, in reality, I want to escape into something 

Desperately trying to dangle onto my memories of scraped knees and the kind of joy that is a drug. You just haven’t realized it yet 

I’m losing myself to the voices and the whispers of my name that spill from the others that I latch onto because dependence is my weakness, and I can’t emotionally handle when someone hates me 

Someone tell me how to be 

Living in a world where I don’t want to 

Shrouded in the miscellaneous jokes sitting on a rooftop while pondering the end 

Eclipsing at my peak 

I’m emotionally unstable without a calendar