Obviously, my answers are from the student perspective. I am not a teacher so I can't have the perfect answer for this but here are some important actions that happened or I wish happened that I (Lila) would want to share. Other students have given their opinions as well but chose to remain anonymous.

1. Gender Identity Assignments/Writing Assignments Involving Gender Identity.

Lila: I've often come across writing prompts such as "Write about the stereotypes of your gender/What does it feel like to be your gender in this world/How does your gender affect the way you view the world/etc"

These honestly have given me way to much stress that really isn't worth a writing journal assignment or even an essay. If you don't know what your gender identity is this can be incredibly difficult to write about because you don't want to lie (it is one of the worst feelings ever: misgendering yourself), and you can't really figure out your gender identity in the ten minutes that you have to write the assignment. Even if you know what you identify as, you are debating whether to out yourself to your teacher/class or misgender yourself, which are both scary, invalidating, and uncomfortable options.

I've come across many moments where a writing assignment like this is uncomfortable. Obivously I don't speak for everyone though. Maybe a writing assignment where people look at the stereotypes surrounding all gender identities would be ideal (because it is less personal). Personally, I just didn't see how the reward of an assignment like this was worth how much it upset me. I totally understand why people might overlook this perspective on an assignment like this, so I wanted to give this feedback.

Anon: I am another trans student who use to go to BDS, and I have come across similar prompts. I agree with many things Lila has written above, even though writing assignments like this could be very deep and important for people to write about themselves, and what it is like to be a person in this world. A possible soution for the issues my friend has stated above could be added two prompts, so people do not feel forced to write about their gender. You could also use prompts such as: "what stereotypes do you know about men, or women, or people who identify as neither." Also if a writing assignment is a personal as a writing assignment about gender identity, it may be best to not make students share this information with the class.

2. Pronouns: All about pronouns

Lila: So obviously, use the correct pronouns for people. If you don't know a pronoun (neo-pronouns can be alien to some) please look it up or use the GSA website.

It's okay to make mistakes, but as a person who has experienced accidental and purposeful misgendering, I can tell if someone is doing it on purpose. Personally, I don't get mad if someone is working to improve pronouns, even though it can make me upset when people misgender me.

When you misgender someone don't apologize. Instead say "excuse me" or "oops" and the correct pronoun/name. If you say "I am so so sorry" and make a huge apology, it forces the misgendered person to say that it is okay when it really might not be.

Don't force kids to tell you pronouns: It is a common icebreaker to go around and say names/pronouns, but as a teacher, I would specify that saying your pronouns is optional, and not required. That way kids who are in the closet/questioning don't feel the need to say their pronouns.

Don't Assume A Student is Trans: Even if you think that they may have changed pronouns, do not use those pronouns unless the student themselves tells you about them. Definitely don't use said pronouns with a student's parents or family if they aren't out to you yet.

Ask about Who They are Comfortable Using Pronouns With: If a student comes out to you with pronouns/a name, ask who they are comfortable with you using their name/pronouns around. They might not be out to their classmates, family, or other teachers and it is important to make sure they are comfortable, especially if you are one of the first people they come out to.

Use Variety of Pronouns When Needed: Certain people will use pronoun sets like she/they, or he/it/they, or she/ne/them. Sometimes they are fine with you sticking to one pronoun or they might want you to alternate to make them feel more valid and safe. Alternating may be confusing or new but it is important to do.

Avoid Gendered Language: Rather than saying boys and girls, say people or class. For good attention-getters, try "guys, gals, and nonbinary pals" or one that doesn't involve gender. Also avoid using his/her language in worksheets and use their instead.

Anon: As student who have had teachers misgender me,which I'm 99.99% was propusful (I want to see the best in people so yeah), it is important to let students know what they can do when a teacher is saying things that are uncomfortable (porpuseful are not). I never knew where to go when this sistuation happened, and I never knew who to go to. As teacher it is important to understand what the student is feeling, and take their word for it. It may be easier to think that a teacher is justing but is just kinda bad, that is what I thought too, however listening to a trans student instead of brushing it off is the best option. That teacher that misgendered me does not work at the school, so trans kids no need to worry, however, I wished when I had first came out, I had a safe space, and I was not worried about others not beliving me

Other Important Things To Know:

Lila:

Teaching an LGBTQIAP+ Unit:

Lila: Make sure that you do your research and use sources with recent dates (some outdated terms aren't accurate or are offensive). Be open to discussion and find ways to respond to questions that may be somewhat insensitive when made (do respond to these though). You can use this website as a source. Make sure that everyone is welcome. *DO NOT ASK PEOPLE TO SPEAK FOR THEIR GENDER IDENTITY OR SEXUAL ORIENTATION*. It is awkward, uncomfortable and overall terrible (spoken from my student perspective when this happens to me or friends). Sometimes I like to add my personal knowledge or experience and that is okay but I only like it when I volunteer to share, not when obliged/asked to.

I understand that we live in a heteronormalcy/cisnormalcy, but treating queer/genderqueer people as different (even in a positive way) than everyone else can be toxic. Discuss characters just like you would discuss cisgendered, straight characters and not in the way that they are new, weird, interesting to think about, etc.

Books: Sometimes I feel like queer characters are shoved into books to check off the box of having a new (maybe edgy/cool?) character instead of just having a person thats queer. Check this when you decide on books. Also, you may want to check if the author themselves is queer. There are some really good books like the graphic novel Genderqueer that you could read, but make sure that the book isn't stereotyping or typecasting queer characters. Sometimes books use out of date/offensive language and it is important to aknowledge that and correct it before you read it, so students don't start using it. Spoken from experience, it is upsetting when people learn out of date language and start describing you with it. Please prevent this.

Be aware that you don't know someone's story. You don't know if they have faced hate, an unaccepting family, gender dysphoria, or worse. Be aware of this because sometimes certain content can be triggering and mental health is delicate.

Trigger Warning For This Next Part: (depression, hate crimes, hate in general)

*DO NOT READ IF THESE ARE TRIGGERS FOR YOU AT ALL.*

Lila: Personally, I have been reading material that can be triggering for others and I am normally okay with most books, but some books can be upsetting when they mention hate crimes, depression, slurs, open homophobia, severe gender dysphoria, harassment, anxiety, etc.

I have been fortunate. I have never experienced someone committing a hate crime on my friends, my family, or me. However, it can be terrifying to read a book (especially one that is a true story), where someone who presents like someone I love/me, acts like someone I love/me, identifies as someone I love/me, etc, gets hate crimed. It really upsets me that there are people in this world who don't even know me, but hate me so much that they would want to hurt/kill my friends or me.

In terms of mental health, I personally have really great mental health (I am incredibly blessed), but mental health is one of the biggest problems facing LGBTQIAP+ teens. I know friends that have help now, but have been in very bad places in which I have feared for their lives. As a teacher, you may not know who is struggling and books that are triggering with these topics can endanger someone's mental and physical wellbeing. As important as it is to educate people on the LGBTQIAP+ community, you don't want to risk someone's health, happiness, or life.

I know for a fact that people have called my friends slurs. Again, I've been fortunate that it hasn't happened to me yet, but it probably will at some point in my life. I also know that a lot of people in this world don't think gay people have a right to exist (I am going to be straight up honest with this one). Words hurt and I know that people have said homophobic things at school. To be completely honest with you: people (students and teachers) in BDS have said openly homophobic/transphobic things to students. Students have felt unsafe/unwelcome. There have been teachers that don't believe them or help them. This behavior has not stopped in the time that I was at BDS. Homophobia and transphobia is everywhere, and we have to be aware of it, but it can be a little too relatable when mentioned in stories.

In general, most of these topics are important to discuss but be aware that people have feelings and some bad/traumatic memories may appear. Please be aware that some of these topics might upset students.