Mindfulness
Being mindful means paying attention to the present moment, exactly as it is. Mindfulness is also considered a grounding technique rather than relaxation strategy.
"Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
One way to explain mindfulness to your child or teen involves using the example of having a bubble bath. As you’re getting into the tub, you decide that you’re going to focus on your bath instead of worrying about what will happen at school tomorrow, or the fight you just had with a friend. You feel the warm bath water on your skin. You look around and see all the bubbles floating around the tub and notice the scent of the bubble bath. All of your senses are alive and focused on the present moment. This is being mindful. It would be just as easy to have this experience and not be present and mindful. You might be thinking over and over about school tomorrow and worrying about who you’re going to play with, or reviewing the fight you had wishing it had gone differently. You wouldn’t notice the pleasant feeling of the warm water on your skin. You wouldn’t appreciate the floating bubbles or the pleasant scent. You may even get out of the tub and not really remember much about your bath.
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Being Mindful One Minute at a Time
Some people believe they need to be mindful or meditate completely, without interruption, and for great lengths of time in order for it to count. However, nothing could be further from the truth. There’s plenty of benefit from a one-minute meditation, or a routine activity done mindfully, such as loading the dishwasher, walking the dog, or brushing one’s teeth.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Can be Fun
Some children think being mindful is boring, difficult, or unhelpful. However, your job is to encourage your child to find something that they can do that is calming and soothing, the opposite qualities to the revved-up style of anxiety. Such an activity does not need to be one of the activities listed in this section but can be activities that already appeal to your child. For example, shooting hoops, listening to music, baking, or drawing. Sit together and see if you can find 2-3 activities your child might consider relaxing.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Can be for Everyone
Lots of us have busy twenty-first century lives, and busy parents are the norm. However, learning alongside your child or teen to slow down will not only benefit your child, but you as well. Consider joining with your child or teen and scheduling a mindfulness or relaxation activity every other day for 5 minutes. Once this pattern is established you can grow it, increasing the time to 10 minutes 3x weekly, to 15 minutes, 5x weekly, etc.
My Brain and Me!
Whether we are starting ongoing support with students, or helping them solve an immediate problem, it can be helpful to teach students about the Amygdala and Prefrontal Cortex. These areas of the brain help introduce students to how our brain functions, and teaches students the why of their feelings or responses. For students, this can help answer questions like, "Is it normal I feel this way?" "Is my friend really mad at me or were we in fight, flight, freeze?" or "Why can't I remember what started the problem?"
Mindfulness Activities
Mindful Breathing
-This meditation involves having your child really focus on their breath to help settle their mind.
Three Senses
A simple mindfulness exercise involves helping your child simply notice what they are experiencing right now through three senses – sound, sight, touch. Have your child take a few slow breaths and ask the following:
What are three things you can see? (e.g., the table, the picture on the wall, your cup)
What are three things you can hear? (e.g., clock on the wall, car going by, your breath)
What are three things you can feel? (e.g., the chair under you, the floor under your feet, the cold table)
Body Scan
-This meditation helps your child be more fully in the present moment, by simply noticing and allowing whatever physical sensations are present in their body.
Mindful Activity
You can also help your child or teen be mindful while doing everyday activities. Eating, having a bath, walking or even washing dishes. Encourage your child to really pay attention to what they’re doing while they’re doing it. For example, have your child eat a chocolate chip mindfully. Have them notice what it looks like and how it feels between their fingers. Have them slowly bite into it and notice how it feels on their tongue and the flavor.
STOP Plan
-This tool is intended to help your child slow down and identify and reduce unwanted stress and anxious arousal. It can also help your child live more mindfully and focus on things they value and feel passionate about.
The STOP plan involves the following 4 steps:
S= Stop! Just like the initials spell out, stop what you are doing and notice the presence of stress or anxiety.
T= Take a slow, deep breath, or pause for a moment, to help lower the intensity of anxiety or stress. Take a slow, deep breath of air in through your nose as you count silently 1, 2, 3, and then pause and hold it for the count of 1, 2, 3. Then slowly breathe out making your lips into a circle as if you are blowing out candles on the count of 1, 2, 3. Pause for 1, 2, 3, and then repeat the process 5 to 10 times.
O= Observe how your body feels inside, and what is going on in the world around you outside. Notice how your body does not feel good with these anxious sensations, and that you do not have to live in this hectic world- you can step back.
P= Plan and proceed mindfully as you step back or pause from this anxious moment. Pick an activity that fills your life with meaning or passion and focus all your energy and attention on that. For example, talking with a friend, spending time with your family, taking your dog for a walk, listening to music, and more.
Encourage your child to use this strategy whenever they start to feel anxious or overwhelmed.
Self Soothing
Self-Soothing strategies involve having your child or teen engage in activities related to their 5 senses: taste (e.g., eat a favorite snack), touch (e.g., have a warm bath), smell (e.g., light a scented candle), sight (e.g., look at nature picture/videos), and hearing (e.g., listen to calming music). The goal is to do things related to your child’s senses that feel pleasant and soothing, and bring some relief from difficult emotions. We do this naturally with babies: hold them (touch); talk or sing to them (sound); nurse them (taste); make eye-contact with them (sight); and hold them close so they can smell us (scent). Different things will be soothing or comforting for different children. Have your child experiment with different activities related to different senses to find out what has the most soothing or calming effect on them.
Highlight the idea of engaging in these activities mindfully. You want your child or teen to really notice what they’re seeing, hearing, tasting, etc. To really notice and observe what they’re experiencing, ask your child to tell you about what they notice as they engage in each activity. For example ask, “How does it feel? What do you notice? Is it soft?”.
Brainstorm some activities with your child and make a list of different things they can do for each of their 5 senses.
Create some soothing kits containing some ingredients or reminders for what works for your child (e.g. chapstick, hand lotion, a squeeze ball, and gum) that can be left in key locations where anxiety often strikes such as in the car, in your child or teen’s backpack, and in the living room.
Do some activities together (e.g., drinking tea, eating something or listening to music) and then have them experiment with some on their own.
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