Social Awareness: A Mean Moment vs. Bullying

Social Awareness: A Mean Moment vs. Bullying

With this month's focus on social awareness, I wanted to provide some information about the differences between conflict, a mean moment, and bullying. I've had a few students come to me saying that they are bullied, and after gathering more information, the circumstances instead show that there is a mean moment or conflict happening instead of bullying; it's important for students to understand the difference, since the recommended interventions are very different.

In order for something to be bullying, it has to meet four criteria. First, it has to be intentional – bullying doesn’t happen on accident. It also must be repeated. If it only occurs once, it is not bullying but instead it is a person being mean. Next, bullying is intended to cause harm. Kids can often say or do things that they think are funny, but end up being harmful. If the intent is not to cause harm (physical, emotional, etc.), then it is not bullying. Lastly, for it to be true bullying, it must also be one sided. This means that only the person doing the bullying is engaged in the hurtful behavior. If both people are doing it, it is conflict, not bullying. Many students have difficulty seeing how their own behavior impacts the cycle of conflict; often times, a third-party person like a teacher needs to be brought in to talk share the dynamic that they have seen between two students. By framing these conversations through a growth mindset lens, all students can learn how their behavior impacts others, and can then begin the process of focusing on what they can control: Their own behavior. If two students experience conflict, it's recommended to address it in the moment if students are ready through a mediation (conflict resolution strategies are included HERE).

Types of Bullying

If there is true bullying occurring, a larger plan between teachers, students, parents, and admin needs to be developed. It's also important to note that there are four types of bullying: physical, emotional, cyber, and verbal. See image below for more information.

Responding to Bullying

A resources through Counselor Chelsey walks through how to support your child if they see bullying occur. When talking about bullying with your children, it is best to be proactive. Make sure that they know what to do if they are ever being bullied, or see bullying happen. Making sure they know how to handle bullying ahead of time can help them make safer decisions if something happens.

The first and most important thing to make sure your children know is that they should tell an adult immediately if they experience or witness bullying. Remind them that this is unsafe behavior, that reporting it does not make them a tattletale, and that they won’t get in trouble for telling an adult. Another important thing for children to remember if they see or experience bullying is to stay calm. Bullying back, or responding angrily can make things worse. If your child experiences bullying, other strategies they can use include walking away, directly telling the person to stop, or using humor to diffuse the situation. Remind your child that if he/she sees bullying, it is important not to join in.