Ways to Support Your Child's Social and Emotional Development

(from https://parentingmontana.org/social-and-emotional-development/)

Social and emotional skills are developed through relationships, interactions, and ongoing social situations. As a parent, there are many ways that you can support your child’s social and emotional skill development. Four strategies include: Build Awareness, Model the Skills, Focus on Decision Making, and Practice.

Build Awareness

Increasing awareness of the five skills (self-awareness, self-management, social-awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making) in our daily lives is the first step in developing social and emotional skills. This means noticing when your child is doing something right and letting them know that you noticed.

Building awareness might look like:

• 1. Notice and Name the Skill You Want to Develop – Start to notice when your child demonstrates any level of social and emotional skills. Then, name the skills (e.g., “Great problem solving”; or “I just noticed you pause and reflect for a second before your responded to your brother.”) so that your child can start to identify what the skills are right after they demonstrate them.

  2. Ask Your Child to Name the Skill – Next, ask your child to name the skill (e.g., “Your sister just did something different, what did you notice her do?”) or ask your child to notice what they did (e.g., “You used a great skill right now, what did you notice you did?” or “That conversation went really well, why do you think that is?”). Having your child connect the behavior with the social and emotional skill will help them to build awareness.

Model the Skills

Social and emotional skills are developed through watching others and learning from their behavior. As adults, you are constantly modeling for those around you, whether they are your children, coworkers, or family members. This doesn’t mean that you must be perfect. What it does mean is that when you make mistakes, you should talk about them with your children.

Talking about mistakes and learning from them fosters a growth mindset. Having a growth mindset is important when supporting your child’s social and emotional development. Having a growth mindset means believing that skills and abilities can be learned. Information and feedback are pathways to learning and not a reflection of a person’s value or worth. Actions then become experiments, and failure can be a pathway to learning.

This means that as a parent, you don’t always have to do things right. Admitting mistakes and being willing to recognize and apologize for the impact our actions have on others are opportunities to grow important skills in our children. When we admit failure fast and are willing to apologize, our children are more likely to develop a growth mindset and develop their own social and emotional skills.

• “I am going to step back and take a minute to think this through.”

• “I can only imagine how upset you are right now, so I am just going to listen to you, so I hear you fully.”

Focus on Decision Making

Improved social and emotional skills develop healthier decision making. Therefore, it is helpful for you to focus on how your child makes decisions. Get curious about the thinking process involved in your child’s decision making. Ask your child what the thought process was, whether the outcome was positive or negative. It can be as simple as asking, “What made you make that decision?” or “What were the considerations you considered when you made that decision?” or “What were some of the consequences you thought about when you made that decision?” This will help you highlight any gaps in their decision making. If you do this on a regular basis, it will increase the likelihood that your child will slow down and pay more attention to their decision making.

Practice

Social and emotional skills do not always come easily. In high stress situations, it is tough to maintain self-awareness and express empathy. In a high-drama conversation with your child, it can be tough for both of you to engage in a calm and supportive discussion. It is therefore very important that social and emotional skills are practiced every day. The more these skills are practiced, the more natural they feel, and the greater the likelihood they will be used in high-stress situations. Intentional practice means practicing a social emotional skill you want to develop. Once you get better at this skill, try adding the next skill. and emotional skills do not always come easily. In high stress situations, it is tough to maintain self-awareness and express empathy. In a high-drama conversation with your child, it can be tough for both of you to engage in a calm discussion that supports the relationship. It is therefore very important that social and emotional skills are practiced every day. The more these skills are practiced, the more natural they feel, and the greater the likelihood they will be used when needed, especially in high-stress situations. Intentional practice means being deliberate about trying a social emotional skill you want to develop. Once you get better at this skill, try adding the next skill.

• “It sounds like you have some ideas about how to respond to your friend. Try it with me, and I will pretend I am your friend. What specifically would you say?”

• “Let’s redo that conversation and try it a little differently.”