Journaling as Queer Archiving

Participants often wrote in the journals about the journals themselves—a meta-commentary on the genre and function of these artifacts. Students used them to share and organize practical information, work through ideas in conversation with one another, and create a record for posterity. They communicated by writing entries and responding to others, either through a full response or simply commenting in the margins. By writing their everyday activities, thoughts and feelings in the journals, LGSA/LGBA/LGBTA members created a queer archive of their lives, both consciously and incidentally. Along the stairway, you’ll see excerpts from journal pages where students annotated, commented on, and responded to each other’s entries.

Gaps and Silences

While these journals serve as a unique lens into LGBTQ experience at Brown, they are not a comprehensive view into the past. For example, some LGBTQ-identifying students were less likely to encounter the LGBA/LGBTA space, like those in TNT. Some LGSA members read the journals, but felt too intimidated to write their own entry. Even within the entries written, there is some degree of self-censorship. Some gaps and silences we noticed include discussions of race and gender identity. As you read the entries, we encourage you to not only read what is written, but also consider who may have not written, what kinds of content may have been left out, and why that might be.

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Journal Entry Excerpts

Transcription: Report hate crimes!

People - write down incidents in the harassment log that is floating around in the lounge here. have we become so accustomed to abuse that we no longer bother to scream out each time? Writing even the most mundane utterances of "fag" will prove to the university that homophobia is something they need to deal with. record all instances of verbal + physical abuse, of graffiti, of ripped down posers - Geri

Transcription: it's confusing I know, but - What the hell right?? thanks for listening guys + gals. - [name crossed out and "Mark" written above]

[arrow pointing to "Mark"] because Im not ashamed, damn it! [for reasons I cannot understand crossed out]

Please date entys entries

[arrow pointing above] such an anticlimatic response

Transcription: No news to report! Just a smile for yall and fun for the future! Manny

[Drawing of Keith Haring illustration on "Not Guilty" cover with "Guilty" written at the top and "just kidding" at the bottom]

Please darlings - write! This is dull dull dull to read if no one writes ["Love" and "Lambda" symbols] Bxi

Transcription: Who wrote "AIDS" on the ledge outside the window??? Oh, oops - now I get it RIPAIDS - R.I. Project AIDS

I did, after coming back from RIP AIDS, I hope people aren't offended, I thought [sic] it might make some use of a puzzling aspect of the office - Bill Jesdale

Transcription: Please - Be nice to other people in these logs. It is not easy to write something, sensitive or not, when you're worried someone will cut you down.

Transcription: "well what the hell do you think I'm running it for? As a community service?? Bullshit!!" - Bill Jesdale (upon being teased about being disappointed about men's group because there were no new people to pick up for dates.)

Transcription: Who ripped out a page? What the hell is going on? - (what did it say?) Stephen G.

Transcription: Sorry! - I ripped out something I wrote (nothing of anyone elses) - G

Oral History Quotes

[Speaking to who the audience of the journals were] Certainly I was writing to myself. I think I was also writing to LGSA members, knowing that there were some people who only read, and never wrote anything. And of course, there were also people who wrote in it. And I'm sure part of what I was trying to do was get people engaged in activism. AIDS activism, particularly. Which, at least, felt like an uphill battle. [laughs]. I think I was always aware that this was a public document. I definitely had the impression at the time that we were living in a time period that was very important. And I think that's borne out to be true.

-Bill Jesdale speaking about who his imagined audience was while writing in the LGSA journals.

Journaling [was] a good way to connect to the community, you know, without emails and cell phones, and particularly with a lot of people living in dorms that don’t have phones. The journal is sort of where the conversation happens. You know, it's like Facebook or TikTok or Instagram or whatever. It’s the place you can tune into to see what people have been up to. Some people post a lot, and some people don’t post anything. (...) It was one of the ways we created community. You could communicate with people who weren't there at the time, you could communicate with the community as a whole, you could anonymously share things that you weren't sure you wanted to own yet.

-Jennie Hoffman speaking about journaling as a communication tool

Everybody was all over the map. So you would have really intensely personal entries of people disclosing their struggles with a host of trauma; issues with their own identity, or eating, you know, lots and lots of very deeply personal matters. And then the next one would be a drawing. Someone doing their art. And then the next one would be, you know, a tome of anger at President [Howard] Swearer for something he just said. It just flowed, there was no rhyme or reason to it in that regard. (...) It was activating, it was informative, it was creative. It was kind of all of it.

-Ellen LaPointe speaking to the variety of entries in the journals, and how they were used as a form of communication for different members’ needs

[The journal] was so affirming. It was great. I would look forward to going in, writing a thing or two. And it was a community conversation. It was a thread with pen and paper.

-Ellen LaPointe speaking about her excitement at getting to go into the office to read the journal.

[Speaking to how she would describe the journal as a form of communication amongst LGSA members] I would say, “validating”. You know, you would write an entry, and then five people would write,‘We love you. You're wonderful.’ Whatever it was, especially if somebody was struggling. And Ellen [LaPointe] and I, looking back, I mean, we fell in love, and we're documenting the beginning of our relationship in the journal.

-Debra Bercuvitz recalls her positive feelings towards the journals, as well as how her and Ellen LaPointe used the journals to document the start of their relationship.

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