Making and keeping friends is an important skill that we all need to have. If your child is having trouble making friends, here are a few tips:
How to Make Friends:
Resource: Schmidt, Rebecca. Counselors' Pages. 2006 MAR*CO PRODUCTS, INC.
Grief is a hard thing to help children or adults with because we naturally want to make the situation better, but the grieving person needs to be allowed to be sad and process his/her thoughts and feelings. We all feel sad at some time in our lives, and children need to know that it is okay for them to feel sadness. It is also important for children to see adults express sadness; this helps them to know that it is completely normal.
There are several myths that our society often tells us about grieving that are not helpful:
Children experience many losses, and they can experience grief with each one. We should never compare losses because we "experience each loss at 100%." Each loss is unique, and we should never minimize a person's feelings about a loss. Some common losses that children experience are:
These are just a few of the losses that children may experience during childhood. If your children have experienced one or more of these losses, allow them to feel sad, express that you are sorry for their loss, and allow them to talk about what they wish had been different or memories that they have. It also may be helpful for children to write a "completion letter," which is a letter written to the person or pet that is gone, expressing apology, forgiveness, wishes, or feelings. This allows children to "say" anything that was left unsaid to the person or pet who is gone. After writing the letter, children should be encouraged to read their letter out loud to a trusted adult.
*These thoughts about grief came from the book "When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal with Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, Moving, and Other Losses," by John James & Russell Friedman
Communication is an essential part of our lives, and without good communication skills, we will most likely have trouble in our relationships and dealings with other people.
One key component of good communication is Listening. We can talk to one another without listening, but we cannot effectively communicate without taking time to listen to what the other person has to say. The steps to listening are the following:
Ask questions about what the person said to show that you were paying attentionAnother important part of good communication is using "I" statements. When communicating your feelings, it is more effective to state how you are feeling instead of accusing the other person of doing something wrong. If a child feels angry that his sister will not share, it would be more effective to say, "I feel angry when you won't share with me because it looks like you are having so much fun," instead of saying, "You never share with me, and it's not fair." An "I" statement puts the focus on how you are feeling, whereas using the word "you" comes across as accusatory.
Anger is a feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Anger is not a "bad" feeling, but many people handle their angry feelings in inappropriate ways. There are many appropriate ways to deal with anger for adults and for children. Not every anger management technique will work for every person, but it is important to try different ones until you find one that works for you. The following are healthy ways to deal with angry feelings:
Many times when children are angry, they do not know what to do with their feelings. If you notice that they are starting to get angry, it may be effective to tell them, "I can tell that you are getting angry, why don't you try _________ to help you calm down."
Unfortunately sadness is a part of life. Things happen in our lives that are hurtful or disappointing, and they create sadness for us and our children. One of the most important things that you can do for your children if they are sad is to be there for them. Allow them to tell you about what is causing them to feel sad; even if what is causing their sadness seems silly, remember that it most likely seems very big to them. The following are some suggestions for helping you or your children deal with sadness:
What should you do if your child tells you that he/she is being bullied? One of the first things to do is to listen to your child and help him/her determine if he/she is being bullied or having a conflict with another student. A conflict is when two individuals are not getting along, fighting, disagreeing, or arguing with one another. Bullying is when one individual who has more power or strength then another is intentionally being mean to the other person, even though unprovoked. If your child is being bullied, the following are some things that you can do:
Even if your child has never been bullied, it is important to encourage our children to look for students that may be being bullied and stand up for them in an appropriate way and befriend them.